I want to preface that the contents of this post is for informational purposes. I do not condone or approve of any harassments or witch-hunting or the attacking of anybody.
 
Richard Lewis recently did a stream talking about the terrible state of CS esports and I thought it was an important stream anyone who cares about the CS community should listen to.
Vod Link here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/830415547
I realize it is 3 hours long so I took it upon myself to create a list of interesting points from the stream so you don't have to listen to the whole thing, although I still encourage you to do so if you can.
I know this post is still long but probably easier to digest, especially in parts.
Here is a link to my raw notes if you for some reason want to read through this which includes some omitted stuff. It's in chronological order of things said in the stream and has some time stamps. https://pastebin.com/6QWTLr8T

Intro

• "The last month has convinced me, that we are going to be heading into a dark place for Counter-Strike esports in 2021."
  • "I think I've seen the scene essentially kill itself."
• "For the past 5 to 6 years, we've basically been in a holding pattern of people coming into our game wanting to run it, wanting to run all of the esports and wanting to profiteer and its been sort of a concerted effort to drive them off and push them away."
  • "We're spread way too thin."
• "If Riot don't get involved and stop the scumbags that have moved over to Valorant from getting their feet under the table, Valorant is going to have real problems."
• RL thinks too much has happened all at once for us to do anything except watch it play out, like:
  • Recent CSPPA strike against BLAST
  • ESIC failures and them not being supported enough
  • Teams cheating i.e. coaches/bugs
  • Widespread match fixing
  • The Pandemic
    • "People who try to hold bubble events are so incompetent and fuck up and people get the 'rona and its their fault."
    • "People who say Flashpoint is a bubble is full of shit and is a lie and people are now suffering for that lie."
      • "To save money they let people go home and break the bubble for a week."
      • "Not just Flashpoint peoples decision, they have a partner that handles the production." (hinting FACEIT)
      • "People are trapped in hotels essentially under house arrest because of COVID restrictions and has fucked peoples lives up."
• "It's all too much, all of this incompetence, all of this greed, maybe we ride it out."
  • RL says he has talked to the Riot devs (the ones working on Valorant) and says, "They are so cognizant of all the fuck ups and all the problems we have in Counter-Strike."
    • He continues to say that this is factored into their business plan and that we never had a competitor, but just so happens to have one coincide, when we are at our worst.

CSPPA - Counter-Strike Professional Players' Association

"Who does this union really fucking serve?"

• RL believes that the CSPPA is a mockery.
  
  • He points out the hypocrisy that they wouldn't strike for the pros who were kicked out of ESL Pro League, or for Jamppi or dream3r.
    • He also says ESL paid CSPPA and are racketeering and many other TOs have to pay them to get their "seal of approval"
      • He says they would strong-arm TOs saying "well if you don't give us the money, these guys are so we'll just have to commit to playing their event."
    • Also points out that they will strike against a competitor they are not in agreement with (Flashpoint)
    • RL: "It's what it says about every other time you haven't done it and it's about every time you don't do it now moving forward." "The issues they've chosen to ignore this year alone are embarrassing."
    • Then he points out that there was no strike for Valve qualifiers even if we have no major but Jamppi and dream3r can't play in them.
      • "and Valve have said 'Oh yeah we know actually their stories are accurate, Jamppi didn't cheat, now in a legally binding document. Yep dream3r did have his account hacked in a LAN café', but they still can't play. Where is the fucking solidarity? Gone. Doesn't exist. It's not important [because] it doesn't affect you." "That's what the union does right now, it looks after all the tier 1 people."
• He says the CSPPA doesn't represent all players all the time and has driven a divide where you have the haves and have-nots
  
  • "We have a tier of players that operate with impunity and do not help their tier 2 or tier 3 players out at all." "If you are not a tier 1 player you do not matter, they don't event ask your opinion."
  • He tells chrisJ to admit and own the fact that the reason he didn't speak up during the ESL Pro League debacle is because it didn't affect him
  • "They are looking after some players at the expense of other players. How the fuck is that a union?"
• He says the BLAST situation is a reasonable dispute and supports the players but is not the right time for a strike and have not even identified the correct enemy
  
  • He thinks players are lashing out now due to previous incidents and are upset that BLAST are working with ESIC
    • He stated that CSPPA shouldn't beefing with ESIC and they should be working in harmony
  • He says what they need to do is talk with the teams/organizations that have sold that right to BLAST
    • RL: "Your employers, the people who pay you that massive exorbitant salaries, when you don't stream and you don't do interviews and you offer no value beyond your ability to click heads and you get 25k dollars a month." "Why don't you talk to them about it? Oh right. You're happy to take away BLAST's paper, but you don't want to risk your own."
  • "I am seeing such unbelievable cowardice from the players here with the battles you choose."
  • "Where was the strike action when in the qualifiers for the world championship, there were teams and players engaged in huge conflicts of interest?" "Where was the strike action when your image rights were taken and sold to every league you've ever been in every union type organization you've ever been associated with like, WESA, to your org every time you sign a contract, to the leagues you play in."
    • "Your image rights are essentially worthless now, there's about 10 fucking separate parties that have them, and how many of them are giving you anything for it? Not much pretty much your org by the way."
    • "That's a big issue. Your image is you, your image is your brand. What are you doing about that? Nothing."
• He is also angry at SirScoots who is "popping off" at people on Twitter who all want the same thing, which is 'A unified Counter-Strike scene for everybody, that works for everybody, that has a sustained ecosystem that nourishes everybody.' "We don't have that now."
  
• He also says their rankings are a joke
  
  • "Just so happened, oh look TACO, that very important prominent member of the board, we pushed his team artificially up when they weren't even in the fucking top 20, not by a long shot."
• He also says the ineptitude of the CSPPA cost Flashpoint a monitor sponsor
  
• "Is it really a player association or is it like a fucking agency at this point"
  

ESIC - Esports Integrity Commission

"They have been put in an impossible position."

• RL says that Ian Smith, the founder of ESIC and who was done work in mainstream sports, is a good and honorable man who has dedicated his life to integrity and sports. He takes on both sides, ensuring match fixers are punished, but also doing appeals and ensuring those punishments were fair.
• "ESIC is a tiny organization" and are in need of money, "They didn't run a grift like the CSPPA did."
  • "Saying 'you want our support and you want the players to turn up you better pay us.' They don't do that."
  • "Had startup seed money from MTG and since then they've been pecking shit with the hens."
    • Ian Smith made sure that the money given by MTG (Modern Times Group, parent company of ESL, ESEA, DreamHack) was nothing more than startup money and wouldn't be in debt to them
      • Ian Smith sat down with other TO's not part of MTG and wanted to partner with them. They declined and called ESIC "ESL spies and we will never align ourselves with you"
  • "They only were just able to afford, hiring a PR guy on a full time salary to deal with the press and send out those releases you've seen, this year."
    • "They have a tiny group of staff investigating these things and they have taken on the biggest problems in our scene: the cheating, the match fixing."
• ESIC have had "unprecedented levels of cheating to deal with, because there's something wrong with our scene ever since we went online. There's something wrong with it, everyone's lost their fucking pride and self-respect and they got no passion for it anymore, so they think fuck it, what's in it for me?"
  • He calls out coaches who are talking about players rights when they would rob and steal from them.
    • Also says more coaches being banned are coming
    • He also points out flaws in community's reaction to the punishments to coaches bans: "Half of the cunts still have jobs and some of the cunts got new jobs. We didn't even shun the cheating coaches."
• ESIC have "found I think another 2 or 3 exploits like that one and they are investigating them all right now, it's going on right now."
  
  • "I know that there are going to be more names getting banned, again."
  • "So they're doing that on a skeleton crew while, investigating 3 continents worth of match fixing in MDL and semi-pro level CS." "They're doing this with half a dozen people." "They don't have any money or any help. People barely even fucking cooperate with them, they are treated like pariahs. It's ridiculous."
    • "Why are the CSPPA popping off at ESIC on my Twitter timeline, when you should be working together." "because its all about what's in it in for me." "2020, the online era of CS: 'What is in it for me?' How can I cheat, how can I get my paper, how can I bleed this scene one last time before I fuck off and play shooty shooty bang bang Riot Games babys first fps."
• RL says that in the CIS region, teams have gone to tournaments and have been eliminated multiple times by the same team. We found out they were cheating and those players who lost, have been cut from their roster, careers ended because of cheaters.
  

Stream Sniping

"They're all at it in the online era, they're all at it, they're all cheating, they're all using exploits, probably that see through smoke bug got used a bunch of times"

• RL talks about how there is no integrity from dead (the player), always denying when caught doing something
  • On the topic of 'BLAST never said we couldn't stream snipe': "Lies, BLAST never said you could do that, they had to sort of retcon it." "because what happened after that they fucking started snitching and squealing"
    • "Suddenly you had like, 10 of the top 15 teams in the world, staring into the abyss of being banned for 6-12 months in line with ESIC recommendations."
      • He says that ESIC was put in a tough situation and couldn't enforce the bans because it would have resulted in killing CS. What resulted was, BLAST, ESIC, and teams came together and gave them a warning and told them, in RL's words "don't do this again or you're gonna get got."
        • He then says the top teams brushed this off and didn't give a fuck
        • The new MiBR team playing Flashpoint, that wasn't involved in the previous incidents are doing it again (stream sniping). He gave credit to Flashpoint for the quick resolution and punishment and respect for cogu's response to the situation.
        • "ESIC came out and said, once more, 'Guys, zero tolerance from now on.'" RL then got upset at community's reaction calling ESIC "pussies" for their non enforcement and said if we want competitive CS we cant ban the top 10 teams.
• He points out how players have no integrity and will do anything for an edge as long as they won't get detected or banned or it's within a grey area.
• "All of this shit was mad avoidable, even in the pandemic era."
  • He talks about why aren't we filming them. Why aren't there representatives for leagues and tournaments making sure players aren't cheating?

Match Fixing

"How many years have we let our scene be fucking pillaged by these greedy cunts?" "We just let it happen."

• RL says that gambling and skins betting which existed in moderation was "accelerated and blown up by the Call of Duty greedy fucks."
  • "Never forget TmarTn was on the board of EnVyUs." "His website, CSGOLotto, they had a bunch of off-the-books sponsorships." "NBK promoted them. People forget."
• "Those people who had access to the skins, go to the players" "Even people like s1mple, best player in the world, even he scammed knives and skins off fucking fans."
• Owners of skin casino sites would approach pros and lend them skins to use in tournaments and possibly keep them after reaching a deal
  • Players would tip off inside info about matches and teams in exchange for skins. Info such as: roster changes, how they played in scrims
    • They would use this info to bet and subvert the odds on their sites. "That happened religiously, I can't even tell you how many times it happened."
      • "I had access to the biggest database of information, from an inside betting circle in NA, and it would take information and screenshots from other pro players, who were feeding them info in exchange for money or skins."
        • "Some of these players are still playing." "Incredibly, there are players still in the CSPPA today, complaining about the BLAST recordings, that were embroiled in this murky shit back then."
• RL also says that there were tournaments where teams contrived with each other, who should throw, who should win.
• "There's a handful of people that are trying to fucking clean it up, and you think you get something over the line and you see something like the CSPPA and it's run by corrupt fucking chuckle heads, and now you've got another corrupt body you have to fight on a fucking daily basis, it's demoralizing."
  • "It's too far gone. Our entire semi-professional scene is compromised."
• "It's rife guys, I'm not going to lie any more. It's not just China, it's not just Russia, it's here, it's NA, it's Europe, it's Australia, so much more than you think, so much more than we can prove."
  • "I get sent chat logs all the time […] and they're morons, these players, short-sighted, amateur, morons and they're doing it on WhatsApp." People would get cut from the bets because they want to make more money, then they leak the logs. He says, from the chat logs, they spread "little" bets across every site they can (400 to 1k dollars) to prevent shifting odds
• He says the scumbags who've fucked off to Valorant will do the same there if Riot doesn't do something and says Valorant "is an esports scene heading for a very early fall based on the sheer volume of scumbags that are already there."
• "That's tier 2 CS in a nutshell these days. They know they're never going to play in a major, so what's the punishment?"
  • "All of these tier 2 fucks that are fixing games now they are like the fucking mafia compared to iBuyPower" "These guys are working with organized criminals to fix entire seasons worth of games. That's what's going on in your tier 2 CS."
• "I'm literally being told that there are players fixing games at all levels of Chinese esports and motherfuckers with guns are turning up to team houses and stuff."

North America

"Everyone in NA has left we've lost a continents worth of support during this pandemic and Valve haven't said a fucking word."

• RL says the Call of Duty "goblins" that destroyed CS for years are the same people who are now trying to leave CS. "The nerve to treat a game where the fans, and the community, and the TO's were nothing but good to you." "To just kick the players out now and go and leave and say 'It just doesn't make financial sense.' Oh you'll slither back when we have a major though for them stickers won't you."
• There's a cascading effect in NA where people don't bother with CS anymore and people like Chaos suffer.
• He says NA team owners are incompetent for always wanting it easy and always wanting a guarantee on their investment without skill or nuance.
  • RL says he would be able to market a team correctly and would have a good ROI and also points out how TSM wouldn't even be bothered to tweet that their team, which was one of the best in the world, was playing at the Major.
  • He also says not all NA owners are like that, compliments and respects Jason Lake who nearly lost everything to keep Complexity going.
• He then calls out the incompetence in Infinite Esports when they acquired OpTic Gaming and bought an Indian CS team.
  • He says HECZ is not to blame here and that they couldn't tell forsaken was cheating when it was so obvious.
    • They measured his reaction time to the likes of dev1ce and s1mple
    • When an enemy showed up on his screen he won that duel something like 44% of the time
    • "was like the number 1 player in the world statistically"
    • He brought a laptop to their bootcamp and refused to use the high end PCs that hey provided
• He respects Andy Miller (NRG CEO) and HECZ but says that the attitude of not being able to easily monetize their teams is "piss weak" and there needs to be a risk.
  • He says Chaos EC shouldn't be cutting their roster and should be competent enough to be able to figure out how to make money off their team.
• He says there are still opportunities in NA and people are panicking and pulling out, and says Valorant will be the same if not worse.
  • He also says "bums" who couldn't even get out of groups in NA competitions, are making crazy money in Valorant and says it will continue to inflate.
• He also said that he heard rumors that EG (Evil Geniuses) are done.
• He also thinks that the rumors of a Valve franchised league from before was sparked up from "these lazy fabled weak NA fucking team owners basically trying to see if Valve would bite at the hook if it was dangled and they didn't"
  • Slasher says NA team owners are really in favor of franchised leagues because they want to make more money. "Most of the powerful team owners right now are on board with ditching this third party organization structure, or they are trying to play this power politics with all the TOs, and that is contributing to a lot of the problems there"
• RL says that Riot has proved they can run a franchised league (LCS) and will be profitable in 2021 which is what a lot of team owners care about and says the competition will only serve to snatch people away from CS.
• RL continues to say, "I am so sick and tired of what we have done to this scene, I am just exhausted with it." "I think we have legitimately fucked it, I really think we have. I think we're staring into almost like a CGS (Championship Gaming Series) wasteland in NA." "Counter-Strike esports is a fucking joke."

Talent

"TO's have treated CS talent like absolute human garbage for years now."

• RL says that people like Sean Gares and ddk switching over to Valorant isn't for financial reasons because they are making less over there.
• He points out that TO's can't even give talent a 3 month in advance calendar.
• Because of the pandemic TO's won't hire certain people and some people are working more hours for the same money.
• He says we as a community don't respect journalists enough which is why we don't have good journalists.
  • He also says DeKay is leaving the scene soon and that Thorin is close to leaving also
• He says he had to talk a caster down from quitting and was struggling to find reasons.
• He says that DreamHack told Vince they would hire him but not if he wants to stick with dusT and says that this is the norm in esports. "Constant leveraging of people against each other." and says this is why we don't have a talent union.
• New gen casters are getting put into shit situations and the community's reaction to them is adding fuel to the fire
• He says the reason Moses left was because of the terrible conditions
• He says that Anders had to constantly leave his family and kid because someone fucked up or broke promises and had to constantly tell his kid to their face that "daddy can't be home this weekend."
• He says that esports has always been a lie to sell you this dream, "Meanwhile there's about 2% of the cunts getting all the checks."

Valve

"Anything that Riot does, is better than Valve's inaction"

• Slasher says that the larger aspect of esports as a whole compared to other entertainment mediums and Valve's lack of inattention are the bigger problems. He continues saying that the fact that Valve let their game be ran as an esport, they need to take on the responsibilities of it.
  • Both Slasher and RL wants Valve to take control but not on the level of Riot Games, there needs to be a balance.
• In case it was ever a question: Gabe Newell has been to 0 CSGO Majors.
• RL calls Valve out saying they could have done something during the gambling era.
• He says Valve used to come to the majors, but doesn't think they do anymore.
• RL had met with Valve at the Cluj-Napoca Major and had tried to appeal iBP's indefinite punishment and had also gave Brax's life story:
  • A recent family member passed away, they had lost a lot of income, they had to live in trailer, iBuyPower did not pay any salaries, and was pressured by family to make money who didn't support his career.
  • RL said that Valve told him, "How dare you try and make us feel guilty." "We shouldn't feel bad about enforcing the only thing that matters that we need to make players afraid of: cheating and match fixing"
  • RL also tried to share other info about match fixing and nothing came of it
• RL points out that Source 2 or a new engine is not something you will want based on the experience of transitioning from CS 1.6 to CS:S. "Valve's track record with brand new engines being launched, not fucking great from what I remember."
• Slasher says "If there is anything the community should do, is pressure Valve to hire a community manager."
  • They say that we need a commissioner, a community manager (not the person who runs the Twitter who posts memes all day), then we need to have a circuit
• RL reiterates that Valve doesn't care about CS esports and says they need to change the culture at Valve to make them care about CS esports
  • Slasher says a systemic problem is making it so working on CSGO would be a bad decision for you as an employee for Valve
• He also hasn't talked to Valve in ages and have sent over bugs and cheats and doesn't get emails back anymore
• Slasher says we should be directing attention at the developer leads, pointing out Ido Magal, if he even is still the project lead
  • RL thinks that Ido and Brian are the only people that "vaguely even give a fuck about CS" and were the only people that RL recalled that actually read Reddit and paid attention from time to time
• "It is really fucking precarious. Somebody has got to step the fuck up and start giving a shit"
  • Slasher suggests org owners, with CSPPA, with ESIC, with TOs have a concerted effort against Valve
• "Riot Games are doing better things than Valve in the esports space" which is something RL didn't think he'd say.
• "People who used to be talent, working with unions, arguing with other talent, when the unions fucked them over, can't understand their perspective, TOs fucking over broadcast talent, broadcast talent wanting to leave and go and work for orgs, orgs having no money, Valve might take coaches away because all the coaches are cheating, ESIC has about 4 people in a fucking call doing the investigations, everyone thinks they're spies for ESL, ESL are just the evil fucking overlords wanting to rule the scene and will just somehow, like cockroaches outliving a nuclear bomb, and Valve are in a fucking holiday in Hawaii thinking about the next Dota character because they don't give a fuck about us."

Closing Statements

"We've peaked. If we want to sustain and exist, now is the time to figure it out. No esports lasts as long as this, we've already done 8 years. We've already broke the records. We have got to figure out a way to coexist and drive the negative forces out and we need to do it as a collective and we're not doing that."

• RL compared the Counter-Strike scene to the people on the Titanic who ran around with guns robbing people while the boat was sinking.
• "We have given up on being a respectable esports scene." "We are now a conduit to make money for those who want to just milk it, just have one last ride, one last roll of the dice. It's done." "What a fucking mess. What have we done to our fucking scene?"
• "There's just too much self-interest driving all of this." "I don't see a way we stop the dominoes." "When it's that bad, when there's that many dishonest people that ESIC have to come out and say that if we punish them all there's no one left. What does that tell you?"
• "How many opportunities have we had to clean house? How many times have we said, 'this must never happen again', and another scandal." "The entire skins betting operations was the biggest criminal conspiracy in esports ever executed and no one has been punished for it." "The people who could be driving that don't want to."
• "Right now people are fans of those organizations because the scene has value. It is worth being a fan of Astralis because they are excellent at Counter-Strike. It is worth being a fan of s1mple because he is the best player in Counter-Strike, maybe the exception of ZywOo. If the scene is devalued, if the scene loses its meaning, those things lose its meaning too, and people will leave, people will stop tuning into the games. I have seen it happen in multiple esports, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I am getting big Brood War vibes right now and I don't like it."
• "The role you play in all of this as fans, as viewers, as listeners, as consumers of esports content, it's absolutely imperative that you know who the good guys are. It's absolutely imperative that you use your voice. It's absolutely imperative that when things are bad, you know who, at least, is trying to make them good, and you have to apply your criticism to the right targets."
  • He continues saying it's no good in continuing to attack ESIC and saying how they are bad, ESIC have it hard
• He says CSPPA are on the right side of the argument on BLAST but have been on the wrong side of many arguments many times.
  • "If you are not willing to stand along side the weakest member of the union, with the least amount of influence, and the least amount of power, then it is not a union at all and you shouldn't pose as one." "You wanna serve a bunch of special interest do it, everyone else in esports fucking does, but do not pose as something you are not." "We love the players. I've been fighting for players rights for as long as I've been able to, but the CSPPA is not what we needed."
    • "They are not applying the pressure to the right people, they are not fighting the right battles, they are not helping their weaker members."
• He says what orgs have done by keeping or hiring coaches is bad. "When you give up on holding an appreciable standard, you've lost the scene" "Competition matters, rules matter, punishments matter, achievements matter, excellence matters" "If you start stripping that away, you have nothing" "You guys need to take that knowledge and apply it sensibly."
• "Valve has sold you all down the river, they sold everyone in the esports scene down the river, tournament organizers are selling their talent down the river. Don't hate on them for sounding tired after a 16 hour day. Don't hate on them because the hype for a matchup they've seen for the 20th time in the past 3 months, they can't be as excited or it sounds contrived. Support your guys, they're there for you, these are your people."
• "This community has got to start acting like one for the first fucking time. Just put the petty shit away, let's try and fix this fucking scene while we still have one to save."
• "You can't rely on Valve, you can't rely on ESL, you can't rely on the CSPPA, you can't rely on anyone." "Once again, it's gonna be the likes of us, the amateurs, the people who give a fuck, rolling up our sleeves and grafting." "I'm old and tired and I don't want to have to do it again. People need to pick up the torch and do it."
  • "Like Michal did, like Dudenhoeffer did. You see something wrong, fix it. You see somebody doing something wrong, call it out. If you think something could be better, let people know."
• "Vote with your wallets if you're not happy with the direction Valve goes in. If when we do get to the Major, they serve up another subpar, same old bullshit stickers and signatures package again, do not buy it."
  • "You're a powerful block and if you use it correctly we can fucking avert this disaster."
• "I'm not doing another year in this broken, bust-up fucking scene, where everyone is miserable, everyone is broke, everyone is tired, and everyone is trying to fucking rob everyone else, blind, while the fucking people who are meant to be protecting you, are just fucking enhancing it and lining their own pockets."
  • "I'm not doing it anymore and you shouldn't want to do it either."
• "I stand by every fucking thing I said. I mean it, because this game fucking matters to me, this scene fucking matters to me. I put my life into this, my adult life, and to see it in this state is fucking sad."

Hi all :) In these posts I’ll be sharing some of the fun bits of dialogues from the Swimsuit Swordsmasters summer event. They are mostly short and fun exchanges between the characters that you can enjoy reading along with the summaries of the chapters that you can find down here.
Here are the summaries of the Las Vegas summer event from last year, done by various good souls. With the exception of the translations by pplovesk and shinyklefkey , most of these were summarized by Itqan Madani on their Facebook. They used to be posted on reddit by kakarot12310 but since the posts have been removed for some reason I'll link directly to Itqan Madani instead.
Main chapter summary part 1
Main chapter summary part 2
Main chapter summary part 3
Main chapter summary part 4
Main chapter summary part 5
Main chapter summary part 6
Main chapter summary part 7
Main chapter summary part 8
Main chapter summary part 9, and part 10. Alternative summary with additional tidbits by pplovesk.
Main chapter summary part 11 alternative summary with additional translation of the final boss’ dialogues and fun tidbits by pplovesk.
Extra: Drive in Las Vegas
Extra: Fun Jet Tennen Rishin-ryū
Extra: Losers’ Lullaby
Extra: Gambling Saint
Extra: Playing With The Weather (featuring QSH and Iskandar) by shinyklefkey.

Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

Cirque du Requin

The cute little play that goes in the beginning of Cirque du Requin:
Mephi: In Patchwork London, what unfolds before us is the story of three happy little girls. Now then, I wonder I wonder. What clutches of evil await these little ones? What is this that they deeply wish for? We hope you’d enjoy yourself until the very end!
Mephi: Oh yeah I forgot. This goes without saying but no recording allowed okay? (he then screams “there are no dreams” but I don’t really get what the hell that’s about)

Rhyme: Let’s step, let’s kick, and dance away! (errr, kick-step dance?) No matter how you do it, you’ll end up in the pot all the same!
Lily: Mister Dolphin, oh Mister Dolphin, what did you see that made you bounce? What did you see that made you howl? I don’t understand a word you’re saying!
Reese: (queck queck!)
Rhyme: Does everyone bring chocolate with you? Mine and yours and Mister Dolphin’s, we have in total 3 pieces! Now let’s go on a picnic, all the way to the moon!

Uncle Napnap: Wow wow, hold up there you two. No matter how you think about it, walking from here all the way to the moon is no easy journey! If you give me a piece of choc, I’ll take you to the end of the moon, so how about it?
The girls: Please take us, pretty please! Please take us to the moon right away!
Uncle Napnap: Then off you two go, quick, get inside my cannon! It’ll be a hell of a show, kaboom!, just like that! Now, let’s go! ARC DE TRIOMPHE DE L’ETOILE! (fwoosh~!)

Rhyme: Huh? I wonder if this is really the moon? Aren’t there supposed to be rabbits on the moon! There are no rabbits here, as the matter of fact there is not a single chicken feather to be found!
Ishtar: Myyyy, my my my. What a shame, what a shame! Because this is actually Venus. Looks like you girls got your cannon trajectory all wrong! I get a lot of stray kids like you around here, so I give you my dearest welcome! Of course, I welcome you, as an addition to my labor force!
Lily: No way!
Ishtar: Hehehe, you’re not going to the moon or anywhere else. You’re going to slave away here forever!
Automata: Labor, labor, labor is fun, and labor is happiness. You’ll find your happiness in absolutely nothing but labor.

Rhyme: This is bad, this is really bad! We have been doing nothing but harsh labor all this time! But we have no cannons here, and dumb dumb Napnap is not with us anymore! Have we no ways left to go to the moon?
Ibachin: Wut wut, wut’s all the fuzz. You want to me to take you to the moon to play there, is that it? If you gimme a piece of choc, I’ll send you flying to the moon with double the fanfare!
Lily: Then I’ll give you my chocolate! Please take us to the moon safe and sound!
Ibachin: Worry not, worry not. Om nom nom. (TRANSFORM!) So yummy! Now get ready, for the great firework of Mount Ooe shall blast you off to the moon! Let’s go! ENCOMIUM MORIAE! (boom!)

Rhyme: We made it! My my, I wonder if this is the moon?
Artemis: Yep yep. You got that right. An oh-so-much-fun dreamy lunar world is waiting for you up ahead! But do you bring chocolate with you? If you have only one piece, I cannot allow more than a single person to enter the lunar world, you know?
Rhyme: My, I can’t believe this! I have no choco left!
Lily: Then it cannot be helped. Please let Rhyme in. I will stay here. Nursery, enjoy the lunar world okay?
Rhyme: My my, how could I do such a thing! If Jeanne won’t go then I’ll stay with her too. We’ll return to the pot together!
Reese: …
Lily: Mister Dolphin? Why are you holding up the chocolate?
Reese: (bites!)
The girls: Ah! The piece is broken up!
Orion: Hmm hmm hmph! Not bad, Dolphin! Now the chocolate has been broken up into two pieces. Now there is no problem right, Artemis?
Artemis: Yep yep, things are peachy now. Let’s take them to the lunar world.
Rhyme: Thank you, thank you so much Mister Dolphin!
Reese: (happy noises)

Rhyme: This picnic is so much fun! But I wonder if there is something missing?
Lily: You too Nursery? I also think we’re missing somebody!
Rhyme: That’s right, it’s that girl! This won’t do, we must return to the pot at once!
Lily: You’re right. If we want to play in the lunar world, we can always bring chocolate with us and return tomorrow!
Rhyme: Let’s bring a whole lot! For dumb dumb Napnap, for meanie Ishtar, for chomp chomp Ibachin, and of course for Mister Dolphin too! Let’s have a picnic with everybody!

Jack: Daddy, daddy! Please listen to our request!
Sanson: Oh dear, what could it be my little angels?
The girls: We want to be taken to the moon! So give us lots and lots of chocolate, pretty please!

Sieg: Let’s register first. Oh, you there, got a moment?
Marie: Welcome to Cirque du requin! Oh my, oh my oh my. You guys are here to have a Swimsuit Swordsmaster duel right?
Gudao: yep.
Hokusai replies with her usual MUST BECOME BEST MIZUGI KENGOU stuff.
Marie: Actually, you need the Challenge Letter first... but well, a mock fight is fine too! Since there haven’t been a lot of challengers lately, Jeanne has been lonely. But please wait a lil bit. If the little guy is hungry, it could get messy!
Everybody at the same time: The little guy? Gudao: Who??
Marie: well, since Jeanne has been strict on him, I think it’ll be fine!
(In Jeanne’s room)
Jeanne: giggles there there, good boy. Looks like another challenger has come. Let’s do our best!
(Outside) Marie: Jeanne! Is now a good time?
Jeanne: Coming Marie! What’s the matter?
Marie: You got a challenger, I brought em to your room! How’s his tummy?
Jeanne: He ate a whole lot earlier so I think he’s peppy!
Hoku: I dunno what they’re on about but I’m getting strange chills, maybe this is a bad idea. N-No, if I get cold feet here how can I ever call myself an Edokko! Hereeee I Co-
(Door opens) Jeanne: Morning!
An actual, floating shark: Playtime.
Hoku: -mee.......
(Everybody freezes for 5 seconds)
Gudao: RETREEAAAAAT!!!
Jeanne: Welcome to Cirque du Requ- hu-huh?
Marie: Jeanne, everybody ran.
Jeanne: No way... why do all my challengers run back as soon as they arrive here!
Marie: Maybe it’s the little guy, no...?
Jeanne: Whatchu mean, he’s cute as a button no? My Reese XP.
Reese XP (an actual, floating shark): Playtime.
Marie: Yeah, I think he’s super cute too! (Srsly Marie??) You agree Deon?
Deon: I stand by my right to give no comments, Your Highness!
Jeanne & Marie: Eeeeh~
Deon: Why are you two tilting your heads at me!
Oh, so Jeanne continues to hypnotize people into her slav- siblings it seems. And still with her fists.
Jeanne: Jeez. What’s with the sour face. You’ll make your sister sad okay? ...that’s right. I’m not a holy woman here.
Melt: My. Then what could you be?
Jeanne: Yep, I’m Gudao-kun’s... BIG SIS!
Melt: I see, big sis. ...biggu sissu? Errr... what are you talking about. You’re a Heroic Spirit right? A Servant right? Not someone from Japan right?
Sieg: What’s wrong Master. Your face is pale...
Gudao: I HAVE A FEELING THAT PERSON WAS MY BIG SIS! (Yep it’s a continuation of that Summer 3 node where Jeanne hypnotized Jalter and Lily into her slav- siblings. WITH HER FISTS)
Musashi: Huh, big sis. Hoku: Uh huh, big sis.
Everybody: BUT WHY DOU
Jeanne: Jeez, you sis is sadface desu. I never thought my brother’d be my opponent! But unfortunately, there is no way out of this. You will learn that lil brothers can never win against big sisters, with that body of yours errrrrrrr I mean with my gentle teachings!
Okkie: I think I just heard her true intention in full open just now! We’re in deep shit, she’s the same type as MechaEli-chan! 😭
Convo with Orion:

Artemis: Oh, you plan to challenge Jeanne, right?

Orion: Be careful. With Jeanne, and also with that shark. (sobs) Even though that chick looks to be perfectly within my strike zone… it’s like, my head keeps flashing warnings like “no touchy, that chick is totally bad news”… Just like the first time I met Artemis! Just like the first time I met Artemis! No shit, my brain actually repeated twice like that, purely for emphasis.

Sieg: I see now. However, mind if I have a question, Lord Orion?

Orion: wut?

Sieg: Why did that warning let Lord Artemis pass the radar?

Artemis: D A R-L I N G ?

Orion: EEKKK! Man it’s been a while since the last time we had this kinda conversation!

Artemis: Yeah we haven’t been doing our comedy routine in a while. THEN HOW ABOUT I LET YOU HAVE A TASTE OF MY “LUNATIC BEAM” RIGHT NOW?

Orion: That’s your biggest gun ain’t it! E M P L E H!!! (he’s then promptly squeezed into silence)

Also, in the end of the node when Gudao is about to snap back into his ANE trance, Melt whips him out of it with a move called “Comfy Mystic Sword Gisele.” Aww, even when she’s being sadistic she still goes gentle on us, what a sweetie.

You are about to ask Kintoki to help level-upping Public Decency Raikou’s motherhood when a monster suddenly shows up on the street; looks like Tamamo’s glamor has leaked out too much, so somehow a magical beast has turned into an enemy.

Kinbro: No way around this, we’ll just have to talk after I’m done teaching this guy how to behave! Hmm? Waita minute. Isn’t this pattern where we’re supposed to do “that?” This is our chance to say that line, ain’t it!

Gudao: Excuse me!

Kinbro: Hey, don’t you bastards dare start fighting before we do this, okay!

Monsters: (actually play along and nod)

Kinbro: Alright! Here we goooooo!

Gudao: But we were just in the middle of talking!

EVERYBODY ELSE: SUDDENLY, IT’S WYVERNS! HECK YEAH!

Hoku: …what black magic is this?

Musashi: I have absolutely no clue either, but it’s like some kinda token word that feels good when you say it!

(then you fight a Hawaiian chicken that is named “Wyvern?”)

Kintoki’s reaction to our plan with Raikou:
Kinbro: That’s a dangerous gamble you’re making, Master. Right now general Raikou’s power is that of a Public Decency Chairwoman. If you up her motherhood attribute, she might just go back to being a Zerk. But as a Berserker, she’ll definitely say things like “it’s absurd to let my son (read: Master) do something like fighting a shark!” and turn this summer break into a mountain of homework.
Tamamo: What, are you still in elementary school or something? >_>
How Tamamo goes about pushing Raikou’s button:

Raikou: …I see. You’re telling me you want to defeat the Swimsuit Swordsmaster Servants.

Kinbro: Exactly, General Raikou.

Raikou: I do wish to assist you very much… but to begin with, the fact that this Swimsuit Swordsmaster tournament exists, itself is indecent. All of you, be good children and stay where you are. As one who upholds public decency, I shall put an end to everything by myself.

Kinbro: Nah nah nah. Then it would be pointless. It won’t mean a damn if Master himself doesn’t participate properly in the tourney, you see?

Raikou: But… (poor woman, worrying about her son gawking at swimsuits 😭)
Tamamo: Now now. Master, won’t you just let Raikou-san handle everything for us?

Raikou: Whu- Ah, you’re… Tamamo no Mae! Among the list of indecent Servants, you’re the biggest offender…!

Tamamo: You got that right. With that said, we’ll leave eeeeeeeverything to you okay, Raikou-san? Meanwhile, me and Master will enjoy our vacation to our hearts’ content! Hurry hurry Master. First, let’s us take a dip in the pool. After swimming, we’ll rub sun oil for each other, massage each other, clean ears for each other… (no shit I would clean Tamamo’s ears, those fluffs look too damn soft!)

Raikou: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!! D-Do you think I would allow such things! Banned! Each and every one of them is banned!

Tamamo: Huh~ But you see~ If Raikou-san can allow yourself to get so worked up, why can’t you cut Master some slack too?
Raikou: That’s…! But, uh, I mean… umm… (sobs ༼ಢ_ಢ༽)
Gudao: (Kinbro...! / Should we really be bullying her like this…!?)

Kinbro: (This might be mean-spirited, but at times like this, you must bring out your inner oni, Master!)

Tamamo: C’mon c’mon. Won’t you spend your summer days indulging in oozing sweetness with this onee-san? <3

Kinbro: (You’re something, Fox… no matter how you look at this, it’s a deadly honeytrap, but deep within your eyes there ain’t a speck of a smile… Is this the real nature of a courtesan?... no wait, Fox did claim that she had nothing to do with courtesan stuff…) (yes this is a reference to Daji)

Then after the plan has succeeded…

Hoku: Yep. I’m still an amateur but I have faced some real deals. I’m getting better at this swordsman business.

Raikou: That’s wonderful. However… from examining the battle just now, there is still redundancy in your swordplay. On the way to the hotel, I’ll teach you a couple of tricks on how to deal with onis and ogres.
Tamamo: Wow there I’m catching bad vibes so this is where Tamamo-chan will be showing herself out! (whispers closely) If you do need a breather, you can come to my room at any time <3 Well, see ya!

Mashu: Senpai senpai… just what kind of things did Tamamo-san just say to you? Ah, you turned your face away! Senpaaai, senpaaaaaaai!

Since Mephis thinks it’s a waste to just let a ridiculous duel like us trying to fight back brainwashing big sis, he comes up with an equally wacky storyline for us to act as a play while actually dueling. So this is it.

Mephi: Tonight, our story is a tall tale of swindlers. It’s about the amusing life of a man who proclaims to have severed the Italian peninsula and attached it to Greece… Now then, please enjoy!

Roma: …Oh? I see.
Gudao: Though it may sound very painful, this is totally the will of God.
Roma: Very well. No matter the place, no matter if it’s in Greece, Roma is Roma. I too am Roma. Severing the peninsula too, is Roma.

Hector: Wut, the Italian peninsula is coming over to play? I mean, whatever floats your boat, man. Ah, but what will we do about the taxes? They’ll probably make us pay won’t they.

Citizen A: Hey folks have you heard! Looks like they’re gonna chopped off our entire peninsula and attach it to Greece!
B: Now ain’t that something! If we become Italian, we’ll get to climb Mount Olympus!
A: Kudos! Kudos! Kudos to the folks who are chopping off our peninsula!

Hoku: Yep we’re totally doing it! The king has given us a go. Now all we have to do is to lop this peninsula’s head clean off! I can’t wait, I just can’t wait. This is exactly why I love scams and swindles!
Jeanne: Wow there, I won’t let you have you way, my lil brother! If you cut off this peninsula, there will be a giant boot floating over the Mediterranean Sea. I won’t allow you to make a boot island appear out of nowhere! As your big sis I must put a stop to your scheme no matter what, as a your big sis I repeat! Hey, don’t you two agree!?
Lily: Yeah! Only bad people do scams and swindles. Even Bunyan knows that if you lie, your nose will grow!
Jalter: tbh I’d rather be on that side. Welp, at the moment I’m here tho. So be a good boy and obey your sisters!
Gudao: (I knew it, these two are brainwashed too…!)
Actually, there are a couple of funny parallels between the “Family Flag” node in Summer 3 and this part of Summer 4. FYI the thing with Jeanne brainwashing people into her slaves siblings has been going on since Summer 3, with Jeanne trying to claim Gudao as the newest member of the “Jeanne siblings” while Jalter and Lily tried to stop her delusion from going out of hands (spoiler: they failed).

Summer 3:

Jalter: Listen here, “Master-chan.” When it has come to this, you must toughen your heart and firmly reject her rambling. If you don’t you’re just allowing her to come up with some crazier delusions!
Lily: Oh no, even the me who should be clean and proper has gone kooky under Luluhawa heat… I knew it, winter! Winter has got to be the best! Please come early, winter!
Jeanne: What should I do, my lil brother. I didn’t think they would catch on so slowly. There is no helping it, I guess I’ll just have to resort to persuasion (read: my fist).

Jeanne: MODE CHANGE!
(she changes into her dolphin coach swimsuit and Reese also appropriately appears. It still floats in the air, of course.)
Lily: Yay, it’s Mister Dolphin! How do you do, Mister Dolphin!
Reese: (shows a jaw full of teeth)
Lily: It’s scary when the mouth opens!
Jalter: What are you doing there Lily! This whackjob is planning to brainwash us with her fist! Fight her now or else Master will become our little brother!
(after the fight)
Jalter: (dejected) You’re my brother.
Lily: Yay! Even though I’m the youngest child I got a little brother now!
(...and the morning after)
Jalter: Wait, now I remember! You’re not my little brother, right!?
Lily: Yeah, Master is my older brother!
Gudao: (The brainwashing effect still hasn’t cleared…)

Summer 4:

Jeanne: Grrr…! It’s not over yet! Go, Reese XP!
Reese XP: ME – WANT – PLAY.
Lily: To be honest, even if it’s my ally I’m still scared…
Jalter: I’m more scared of a crazy big sister tho.
(...and after the fight)
Jeanne: What a… humiliating defeat…! I am... not… your big sister…!
Gudao: Of course you’re not my big sister!
Jalter: Ah… now that you remind me! This woman is not my big sister!
Lily: I knew it… the summer heat is making us hallucinating…!
Jeanne: Ugh… I can’t believe that… that you’re not my blood-related little brother…!
Gudao: She’s still not giving up!
And that's all I wanna do for this event. There is a bit during Casino Camelot where Fergus is so horny but the girls ignore him to sail their yuri ship so he’s like “a Medjed is fine too” but it’s not as ridiculous as the previous casinos so I’ll pass on translating any more.
Anniversary and Summer 2020 are coming and I have no quartz left, truly the worst roastbelt _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

Updated 10.02.2021
 

2021

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf & Caskey - YELAWOLF X BLACKSHEEP(?) 3. Been A Problem
 
Features RiFF RAFF - TiP TOE 4 (feat. Yelawolf)
 

2020

-----------------------------------------------------
 
Features RiFF RAFF - Water Whippin Wizard (ft. Yelawolf) [Vanilla Gorilla] Struggle Jennings & Adam Calhoun - Cracked Pepper (ft. Yelawolf) [Legend] Korn - The Devil Went Down to Georgia (ft. Yelawolf) RiFF RAFF - Million Dollar Mullet (feat. Yelawolf) Caskey - McQueen Fiend (feat. Yelawolf) [Remix] Outlaw Mel - Big Dreamz (Yelawolf and The Outfit, TX) Struggle Jenning & Jelly Roll - Winds of Change (ft. Yelawolf and Tommy Vext) [Waylon & Willie IV] Struggle Jenning & Jelly Roll - Fufu (ft. Yelawolf) [Waylon & Willie IV]
 

2019

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Ghetto Cowboy 1. Mama Wolf 2. Unnatural Born Killer 3. Opie Taylor 4. Box Chevy 7 5. Here I Am 6. Still Ridin’ 7. Lightning 8. Renegades 9. So Long 10. You and Me 11. A Message From DJ Paul 12. Country Rich (ft. DJ Paul) 13. Keep on Rollin (ft. Big Henri & Cub da Cookupboss) 14. Ghetto Cowboy
 
Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik 3 1. TM3 (ft. DJ Klever) 2. Catfish Billy 2 3. Rowdy (ft. Machine Gun Kelly) 4. Special Kind of Bad 5. Like I Love You 6. Drugs 7. Trailer Park Hollywood 8. No Such Thing as Free (ft. Caskey & Doobie) 9. We Slum (ft. Shawty Fatt & Big Henry) 10. Box Chevy 6 (ft. Rittz & DJ Paul) 11. All The Way Up (ft. MopTop & CookUp Boss) 12. Over Again (ft. DJ Klever) 13. Addiction 14. Over Here
 
Yelawolf & Cub da CookupBoss - SLUMTRAP 1. (Intro) Catfish Billy Speaks 2. Shotz (ft. Moptop) 3. You & Me (ft. Kris Flair) 4. Take It There (ft. Bubba Sparxxx) 5. No Hall Pass (ft. Upchurch) 6. Never Coming' down (ft. Rittz) 7. Muddy Waters (ft. Kris Flair) 8. Sauce
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Get Buck Freestyle Yelawolf - Pinto Bean Freestyle Yelawolf - Jesco White Freestyle Yelawolf - Billy Goat Freestyle Yelawolf - SKALLYWAG Freestyle Yelawolf - Elvis Messy Freestyle Yelawolf - Mountain Dew Mouth Freestyle Yelawolf - Bloody Sunday Freestyle Yelawolf - Jackson (ft. Fefe Dobson) Yelawolf - Midnight Yelawolf - You and Me (demo) Yelawolf & DJ Paul - I'm So Juiced Up (ft. Seed of 6ix & DJ Ease)
 
Features Caskey - Remember (ft. Yelawolf) [Black Sheep 4] DJ Paul - The Easy Way (ft. Yelawolf & Seed of the 6ix) Doobie - Circles (ft. Yelawolf) [Faithfully Faded] Struggle Jennings - Wild Eyes (ft. Yelawolf) [The Widow’s Son] Rittz - Wake up Call (ft. Yelawolf & Twista) [Put a Crown on it]
 
Music Videos Unnatural Born Killer Opie Taylor You and Me Elvis Messy Mountain Dew Mouth Bloody Sunday DJ Paul - The Easy Way (ft. Yelawolf & Seed of the 6ix)
 

2018

----------------------------------------------------- Features Alexander King - Southern Road (ft. Yelawolf & Gracen Hill) [R.O.S.A.P.] CookUp Boss - Never Comin’ Down (ft. Catfish Billy) [Make the Trap Great Again] Prhyme - W.O.W. (With Out Warning) [ft. Yelawolf] {Prhyme 2} Jelly Roll - Southern Hospitality (ft. Yelawolf, Struggle & Alexander King) [Goodnight Nashville] The Fever 333 - (The First Stone) Changes (ft. Yelawolf) [Made An America]
 

2017

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Trial By Fire 1. Trial By Fire 2. Shadows (ft. Joshua Hedley) 3. Get Mine (ft. Kid Rock) 4. Son of a Gun 5. Ride or Die 6. Struggle Speaks (Interlude) 7. Daylight 8. Do For Love 9. Punk (ft. Travis Barker & Juicy J) 10. Row Your Boat 11. True to Yourself (ft. Bones Owens) 12. Sabrina 13. Violin (ft. Lee Brice) 14. Keeps Me Alive (ft. Wynonna Judd)
 
Yelawolf & Cookup Boss - Catfish Billy X Cub Cookup Boss 1. Too Gangsta 2. You & Me 3. Sauce 4. Muddy Waters 5. Cocaine 6. Heisenberg
 
Features Angaleena Presley - Country (ft. Yelawolf) [Wrangled] Bone Thugs - Gravity (ft. Yelawolf) [New Waves] DJ Paul - Litty Up RMX (ft. Yelawolf) [Da Reason: Thank Me Later] Struggle Jennings - Your Little Man (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Daylight Row Your Boat Get Mine ft. Kid Rock Punk ft. Travis Barker & Juicy J Shadows ft. Joshua Hedley Struggle Jennings - Your Little Man (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2016

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - H.O.T.E.L 1. Supersonic Alley Cat 2. You Should Have Known 3. Renegades 4. Someday 5. In Love Tonight 6. Be Yourself (ft. Bubba Sparxxx) 7. Good Love
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle 2 Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle 3 Yelawolf - Instagram Freestyle 4 Yelawolf & Travis Barker - Out Of Control
 
Features Bubba Sparxxx - Put in Work (ft. Yelawolf) [The Bubba Mathis EP] Bubba Sparxxx - Y. G. M. F. U. (ft. Yelawolf) [The Bubba Mathis EP] DJ Paul - Get Away (ft. Jon Connor & Yelawolf) [Mafia 4 Life] DJ Paul - Slumerican Three 6 (ft. Yelawolf) [#YOTS Pt. 1] Doobie Bvndit - Jacuzzi Lucy (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) Struggle Jennings - Return of the Outlaw (ft. Yelawolf) [Return of the Outlaw]
 
Music Videos DJ Paul - Get Away (ft. Yelawolf & Jon Connor Bubba Sparxxx - Y. G. M. F. U. (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2015

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Love Story 1. Outer Space 2. Change 3. American You 4. Whiskey in a Bottle 5. Ball and Chain (Interlude) 6. Till It's Gone 7. Devil in my Veins 8. Best Friend (ft. Eminem) 9. Empty Bottles 10. Heartbreak 11. Tennessee Love 12. Box Chevy V 13. Love Story 14. Johnny Cash 15. Have a Great Flight 16. Sky's the Limit 17. Disappear 18. Fiddle Me This
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Led Zeppelin Freestyle Yelawolf - American You (Extended Version) Yelawolf - Till It’s Gone (Acoustic) [ft. DJ Klever, Bones Owens & Travis Barker) Yelawolf - Till It's Gone (Campfire Remix) Yelawolf - Till It's Gone (Dan Heath Remix) Yelawolf - To Whom It May Concern
 
Features Rittz - L.A.F. Remix (ft. Yelawolf, Royce Da 5'9" & KXNG Crooked) WLPWR - Thank You (ft. Yelawolf) [Free Game] DJ Paul - F U 2 (ft. Violent J & Yelawolf) [Master Of Evil] Alexander King - Country Side (ft. Yelawolf & Jelly Roll)
 
Music Videos Whiskey In A Bottle Whiskey In A Bottle (Lyric Video) Johnny Cash Best Friend ft. Eminem Till Is's Gone Let's Roll ft. Kid Rock American You Devil In My Veins Box Chevy V Outer Space (Wall of Death)
 

2014

----------------------------------------------------- Shady Records - Shady XV Yelawolf - Down Skylar Grey, Eminem & Yelawolf - Twisted Slaughterhouse - Psychopath Killer (ft. Eminem & Yelawolf)
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Primus Freestyle Yelawolf - Money Freestyle Yelawolf - Alabama Song Freestyle Yelawolf - Voodoo Child Freestyle Yelawolf - Louder (ft. Ink Monstarr) Yelawolf - Have A Great Flight (Demo Version) Yelawolf - Honey Brown Yelawolf - Box Chevy V (Single Version) Yelawolf, Slaughterhouse & Eminem - Shady CXVPHER
 
Features Gucci Ghost - Slumerican (ft. Yelawolf) [Rad Tape] Hillbilly Casino - The Hole (ft. Yelawolf) [Live In The USA] Jelly Roll - So Long (ft. Yelawolf) [The Biggest Loser] Kaleb D - Reload (ft. Yelawolf) Rittz - Profit (ft. Yelawolf & Shawty Fatt) [Next to Nothing]
 
Music Videos Down Shady CXVPHER
 

2013

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik Returns 1. Firestarter 2. Way Out 3. F.A.S.T. Ride 4. Box Chevy (Part 4) 5. Hustle (ft. Paul Wall) 6. Catfish Billy 7. Gangster (ft. A$AP Rocky & Big Henry) 8. Rhyme Room (ft. Raekwon & Killer Mike) 9. Fame 10. Tennessee Love
 
Yelawolf & DJ Paul - Black Fall 1. Get Straight 2. Mastermind 3. Bowties (ft. Rittz) 4. Party Prophet (ft. DJ Paul) 5. Light Switch
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf & Big Henry - The Dark Knights Freestyle Yelawolf & Rittz - Hammertime
 
Features Big Henry - Troubled Times (ft. Yelawolf) Brotha Lynch Hung - Tha Package (ft. Yelawolf) [Mannibalector] Da Mafia 6ix - Go Hard (ft. Yelawolf) [6ix Commandments] Fefe Dobson - Legacy (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) Jackie Chain - Yeah Dats Me (Remix) (ft. Big K.R.I.T & Yelawolf) [Bruce Lean Chronicles Vol. 2] Juicy J - Gun Plus A Mask (ft. Yelawolf) [Stay Trippy] Mickey Factz - Zen (ft. Yelawolf) Pill - I'm Hard (ft. Yelawolf) Rittz - Heaven (ft. Yelawolf) [The Life and Times of Jonny Valiant] Travis Barker - Cuz I'm Famous (ft. Yelawolf, Paul Wall & Hopsin)
 
Music Videos F.A.S.T. RIDE Way Out Hustle (ft. Paul Wall) Da Mafia 6ix - Go Hard (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2012

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf & Ed Sheeran - The Slumdon Bridge 1. London Bridge 2. You Don't Know (For Fuck's Sakes) 3. Faces 4. Tone
 
Yelawolf - Heart of Dixie 1. Howdy 2. Let Me Out 3. Be The One 4. Big Nutz 5. White Boy Shit 6. Fuck Me 7. Sobriety Sucks 8. Out My Face (ft. Shawty Fatt & Rittz) 9. Father's Day 10. Wrap Song
 
Yelawolf & Travis Barker - Psycho White 1. Push 'Em (ft. Skinhead Rob & Tim Armstrong) 2. 6 Feet Underground (ft. Tim Armstrong) 3. Funky Shit 4. Whistle Dixie 5. Director's Cut (Micheal Myers & Superman)
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Rack City Freestyle Yelawolf - Thank You Freestyle Yelawolf - I Do Freestyle Yelawolf - Best of Freestyles Freestyle Yelawolf - Can it Be Yelawolf - Squidbillies Theme Song
 
Features ¡MAYDAY! – Dollar General (¡MAYDAY! Rmx) (ft. Stevie Stone & Yelawolf) [Smash & Grab] 8Ball - Immaculate Perception (ft. Waka Flocka & Yelawolf) [Premro] A$AP Rocky - 1 Train (ft. Kendrick Lamar, Joey Bada$$, Yelawolf, Danny Brown, Action Bronson & Big K.R.I.T.) [Long. Live. ASAP] Blink-182 - Pretty Little Girl (ft. Yelawolf) [Dogs Eating Dogs] Cisco Adler - Lemonade (ft. Yelawolf, Dirt Nasty, Johnny Polygon) CyHi Da Prynce - Drank & Smoke (ft. Big K.R.I.T & Yelawolf) [Ivy League Club] Jasmine Solano - One On One (ft. Yelawolf) Prof - New Kid (ft. Yelawolf) [Kaiser Von Powderhorn 3] Struggle - Satellites (ft. Yelawolf & Zilla) Trouble Andrew - Cheated (ft. Yelawolf) Big HUD - Far From A Bitch (ft. Yelawolf, Rittz & Young Struggle) [The Long Way Home]
 
Music Videos Push' Em Whistle Dixie Out of Control 6 Feet Underground Funky Shit Stevie Stone - Dollar General (ft. Yelawolf) Trouble Andrew - CHEATED (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2011

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Radioactive 1. Radioactive Introduction 2. Get Away (ft. Shawty Fatt & Mystikal) 3. Let's Roll (ft. Kid Rock) 4. Hard White (Up In The Club) (ft. Lil Jon) 5. Growin' Up In The Gutter (ft. Rittz) 6. Throw It Up (ft. Gangsta Boo & Eminem) 7. Good Girl (ft. Poo Bear) 8. Made In The U.S.A (ft. Priscilla Renea) 9. Animal (ft. Fefe Dobson) 10. The Hardest Love Song In The World 11. Write Your Name (ft. Mona Moua) 12. Everything I Love The Most 13. Radio 14. Slumerican Shitizen (ft. Killer Mike) 15. The Last Song Best Buy Deluxe Edition: 16. Whip It 17. I See You 18. In This World
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Yonkers Freestyle Yelawolf - Toca Tuesdays Freestyle Yelawolf - Hard White (Remix) (ft. Slaughterhouse & T.I.) Yelawolf - Gangsta Of Love (Feat CyHi Da Prince) Yelawolf - Kill My Nightmare Yelawolf - Pop The Trunk (Bones & Vocal Version) Yelawolf - No Hands Yelawolf - Alabama Gotdamn Yelawolf - Shit I've Seen (ft. Trae Tha Truth) Yelawolf - Just Right (Demo Version of Animal) Yelawolf - 2011 XXL Freshmen Freestyle Yelawolf, Eminem & Slaughterhouse - 2.0 Boys Yelawolf, Kendrick Lamar, LIl B & CyHi Da Prince - 2011 XXL Freshmen Class Cypher Yelawolf, Slaughterhouse & Eminem - Shady 2.0 Cypher
 
Features Ace Hood - Shit Done Got Real (ft. Busta Rhymes & Yelawolf) [The Statement 2] Big HUD - Smell My Cologne (ft. Yelawolf) [Smell My Cologne EP] Big K.R.I.T - Happy Birthday Hip Hop (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) Bizarre - Down This Road (ft. Yelawolf) [Friday Night At St. Andrews] CyHi Da Prince - Bulletproof (ft. Yelawolf) [Royal Flush 2] Game - Rough (ft. Yelawolf) [Hood Morning] GLC - Empty Town (ft. Cold Hard, Yelawolf & The Carps) [Eternal Sunshine Of The Pimpin Mind] Gucci Mane - Too Turnt Up (ft. Yelawolf) [Writings on the Wall 2] Hollyweerd - Buss It (ft. Yelawolf) Jessie and The Toy Boys - Push It (ft. Yelawolf) [Show Me Your Tan Lines] Kydd - Hall Pass (ft. Yelawolf) [The Sounds in My Head Part 2] Mr. Finley - Oh Yeah (ft. Yelawolf) [Bacc On My Wease Mac Shit] P.Watts - Lites On (ft. Yelawolf) [Element of Surprise] Rittz - Fulla Shit (ft. Yelawolf) [White Jesus] Rittz - Sleep At Night (ft. Yelawolf) [White Jesus] SMKA - Deer Mama (ft. Yelawolf) [The 808 Experiment Vol 2] Struggle - Outlaw Shit (ft. Yelawolf & Waylon Jennings) [I Am Struggle] STS - Hello Sunshine (ft. Yelawolf) [The Illustrious] Tech N9ne - Worldwide Choppers (ft. Ceza, JL of B. Hood, U$O, Yelawolf, Twista, Busta Rhymes, D-Loc & Twisted Insane) [All 6's and 7's] The Crystal Method - Make Some Noise (Put 'Em Up) (ft. Yelawolf) [Real Steel - Music From the Motion Picture] Travis Barker - Let's Go (ft. Busta Rhymes, Twista & Yelawolf) [Give the Drummer Some] Article - Electric Kingdom (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Hard White (Up In The Club) ft. Lil Jon No Hands GUTTER ft. Rittz - A Short Film Bizarre - Down This Road (ft. Yelawolf) Travis Barker - Let's Go ft. Yelawolf, Twista, Busta Rhymes & Lil Jon Rittz - Sleep At Night ft. Yelawolf Rittz - White Jesus Struggle Jennings - Outlaw Shit ft. Yelawolf & Waylon Jennings 2.0 Boys Shady 2.0 Cypher 2011 XXL Freshman Cypher Jessie and The Toy Boys - Push It (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2010

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik 1. Trunk Muzik 2. Stage Lights (Remix) 3. Good To Go 4. Pop the Trunk 5. Box Chevy 3 6. FU 7. Lick The Cat 8. Speak Her Sex 9. I wish (ft. Raekwon) 10. In This Club 11. Love is Not Enough 12. Mixin Up the Medicine (Remix) (ft. Juelz)
 
Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik 0-60 1. Get The Fuck Up! 2. Daddy's Lambo 3. That's What We On Now 4. I Just Wanna Party (ft. Gucci Mane) 5. Billy Crystal (ft. Rock City) 6. Pop The Trunk 7. Box Chevy 3 (ft. Rittz) 8. Good To Go (ft. Bun B) 9. Marijuana 10. Love Is Not Enough 11. I Wish (ft. Raekwon) 12. Trunk Muzik
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - I Need A Dollar Freestyle Yelawolf - Lemonade (Trunk Muzik 0-60 Freestyle) Yelawolf - FMS Freestyle Yelawolf - B.M.F Freestyle (Trunk Muzik 0-60 Freestyle) Yelawolf - Fly Boy Radio Freestyle Yelawolf - Dirt Road Freestyle Yelawolf - I Wanna Rock Freestyle Yelawolf - Beamer, Benz, Bentley Freestyle Yelawolf - Rhyme Room (Episode 1) Yelawolf - Rhyme Room (Episode 2) Yelawolf - Swagger Killer (ft. Mz Shanti) Yelawolf - Looking For Alien Love Yelawolf - Ain’t Goin Out Like That [Peter Rosenberg x Cypress Hill The Uprising] Yelawolf - I Wish (Remix) (ft. CyHi Da Prynce & Pill) Yelawolf, Wiz Khalifa, Bones Brigante & Raekwon - 2010 BET Cypher
 
Features Big Boi - You Ain’t No DJ (ft. Yelawolf) [Sir Lucious Left Foot] Big K.R.I.T - Hometown Hero (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf) [K.R.I.T Wuz Here] Donnis - Country Cool (Remix) (ft. Pill & Yelawolf) [Fashionably Late] Dreamer - Crazy Girlz (ft. Yelawolf) [Live in Stereo 2.0] Emilio Rojas - Turn It Up (ft. Yelawolf) [Life Without Shame] Feroz - Bring The Money Home (ft. Yelawolf) [Invisible Man] Glamourlyke - Cutlass (ft. Yelawolf) [Highway Love] Ludacris - How Low (Remix) (ft. Yelawolf & Rock City) Neako - Suicide (ft. Shawn Chrystopher, Phil Ade, Yelawolf, Smoke Dza & Stalley) Paul Wall - Live It (ft. Jay Electronica, Raekwon & Yelawolf) [Heart of a Champion] Rich Boy – Go Crazy (ft. Yelawolf) [Featuring] Shawty Fatt - Yeah (ft. Yelawolf) Digit - You Win Some You Lose Some (ft. Yelawolf) [The Alter Ego & Summer Of SUM] SkapeZilla - Look The Other Way (ft. Yelawolf, Note & Young Trimm) Scragg Lee - I'm A Freak (ft. Yelawolf, Pill & Henny) [Gold Chains] Thee Tom Hardy - Take 'Em To... (ft. Yelawolf) [The Hardy Boy Mystery Mixtape: Secret Of Thee Green Magic]
 
Music Videos Daddy's Lambo Pop The Trunk Good To Go ft. Bun B Marijuana I Just Wanna Party ft. Gucci Mane Big Boi - You Ain't No DJ ft. Yelawolf 2010 BET Cypher Rhyme Room 2 Yelawolf - I Wish (Remix) (ft. CyHi Da Prynce & Pill)
 

2009

----------------------------------------------------- Features Alex King - Like A Sewing Machine (ft. Yelawolf & Struggle) [Reincarnated] Alex King - Looking For A Change (ft. Sonny Bama & Yelawolf) [Reincarnated] G-Side - Whos Hood (ft. Yelawolf) [Huntsville International] Juelz Santana - Mixin' Up The Medicine (ft. Yelawolf) [Born to Lose, Built to Win] Slim Thug - I Run (ft. Yelawolf) [Boss of all Bosses] Slim Thug - I Run (Remix) (ft. Chamillionaire, Yelawolf & Z-Ro) Stophouse - Rocketman (ft. Yelawolf) [Recession Music] Priceless the Kid - Witness (ft. Yelawolf) [No Barcode] ??? - How We Do (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Juelz Santana - Mixin' Up The Medicine (ft. Yelawolf)
 

2008

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Arena Rap EP 1. Back To Bama 2. Candy & Dreams 3. Enjoy The View 4. All Aboard 5. Come On Over 6. Stage Lights 7. Gone
 
Yelawolf - Stereo 1. Stereo Intro 2. Brick In The Wall 3. Stereo 4. Rich Like Me 5. Box Chevy Part 2 6. Break The Chain 7. Phone Skit 8. Gone 9. Magic Man 10. Burn Out 11. Brown Sugar 12. Run Johnny 13. In The Cradle 14. Heroine 15. TNT 16. Stereo Outro 17. Take It Easy
 
Features Jonny Euphonic - Off (ft. Yelawolf & TayFlow) Jonny Euphonic - Sippin Nis' Sauce (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Box Chevy: Part 2
 

2007

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Ball of Flames: The Ballad of Slick Rick E. Bobby 1. Talladega Dreamin' 2. Doughnuts 3. Shake N Bake 4. I'm The Shit 5. Boyz In The Woodz 6. Kickin' 7. Run (ft. Shawty Fatt & B.o.B) 8. Hey Rick E. Bobby 9. My Box Chevy 10. New Shoes (ft. Sweet Waste) 11. Beer Buzz 12. Victory Circle
 
Miscellaneous Songs Yelawolf - Before You Leave Yelawolf - Big Trucks Yelawolf - Chainsaw Yelawolf - Double Barrel (ft. Rittz) Yelawolf - Drama Yelawolf - Get Er Done Yelawolf - It's A Party (ft. B.o.B) Yelawolf - Land of Oz Yelawolf - Radio Smash Yelawolf - Superman (2007 Version) Yelawolf - Whyte Trash Yelawolf - 1979
 
Features Vendetta - Hip Rock (ft. Yelawolf)
 
Music Videos Kickin'
 

2005

----------------------------------------------------- Yelawolf - Creekwater 1. Intro (ft. Lil Jamie & Omar Cunningham) 2. Creekwater 3. G.A.D (ft. Big Henry & Shawty Fatt) 4. FITZ Spoken Word 5. Won't Stop 6. Dare He Go 7. Makeup 8. Pickin' Shrooms 9. Breathe (ft. Ban Hameen, Fly Friday & Grip Plyaz) 10. Ride Down The Highway (ft. Ben Hameen) 11. Bible Belt 12. SALIK'S Spoken Word 13. Sleeping Beauty 14. Fifty (ft. Grip Plyaz) 15. Soul Everyday (ft. Ben Hameen) 16. It Aint Over
 
Yelawolf - Piss'n In a Barrel of Bee'z 1. Intro 2. Piss'n In A Barrel Of Bee'z 3. Diamonds 4. Send Em Over 5. 2 Hot 4 TV 6. Hard Work 7. My Time 8. Need 2 Hear 9. Go To Jail 10. Drop It 11. Pissed On (ft. jhi-ali & Shawty Fatt) 12. Pistol N The Air 13. Super Man 14. Fist Up 15. White Boys (ft. ???)
 
Shoutout to the slumfam, especially Rafael and Josh27
 

Link to part 1
You're a Dirty-Grey Earth Fluffy with an even dirtier Black mane and tail, walking as fast as you can to the north, part of a massive Herd that stretches as far back as you can see and beyond.
Back when you were part of your Original Herd, you were called Dirt, because no matter what you did or how many times you jumped in the Water Holes, your Fluff seemed to attract dirt all on it's own. Now you're just 'Fwuffie', like everyone else.
Across the highway is another, equally massive Herd, full of Meanie Fluffies who say that Uni loves them more.
You'd go over and give them owies, but the Desert Fluffies know that Biggest Meanest Monsters come roaring down the highway frequently, so it's best to conserve your strength for the day when the Meanie Herd is being incredibly Mean.
As a Desert Fluffy, you know the surrounding regions quite well, but you've never had an adventure like this before
Follow the Black Hard Thing that Hoomins call the 'Highway', always follow it, never leave to follow down the smaller Black Hard Things, because they do not go 'North'. Find the Water Holes and have to stop Fluffies from pushing each other in.
Have to force them to wait for their turn, and then have to make those who have had their fill of water keep moving. And with so many Fluffies, thousands of them, it's hard to make them stop fighting.
The last water-hole, there was barely any water for the last few Fluffies, just very dirty water that they cried over, but drank anyways, because they were so hot and thirsty.
These Cee-Tee Fluffies are real pains in your Poopie Place. They never work together like your Herd used to.
And there's barely enough food for everyone now. Have to beat the Fluffies who try to eat everything, they are supposed to only have a mouthful of something and move on, so those behind them can eat too.
You have had to beat a lot of Fluffies to get them to understand that if they eat all the nummies, then their friends behind them will have none.
Then you had to keep driving them on when they tried to turn back and 'Gif Sowwy Huggies!' to their 'Fwiends'.
Have to stay on your side of the road too, as there's a Mean Herd just as big on the other side, eating all the shrubs and grass and shouting that they love Uni more than you do.
Want to fight the Mean Herd to prove you love Uni the most, but can't, Fluffies need to keep moving and go 'North' as fast as they can, and if you waste time fighting, then Uni might pick somebody else as her One True Special Friend.
Fluffies whimper, some cry about being hot, about their hooves hurting, about wanting nummies, but nobody stops. Uni is waiting, at a magical place...
Fluffies walk till it's too hot, then try to find shade to wait out the hottest part of the day.
Some of the Herd's Cee-Tee Stallions say they have been walking for many turnings of the Sun, from a place full of Hoomins and Fluffies and Grass and Water, and it makes your head spin that they would abandon such a paradise.
There's nothing out here but the blistering hot sun, the cruel, burning sand and small shrubs and patches of hard, bitter grass.
And Snake-Munsta and Bug-Munstas and... well, there's a lot of Munstas.
Until She came along, you despaired of ever finding a way out of this hellhole.
Uni... just remembering her makes your heart swell with longing, and you find the strength to push onwards just a little bit more.
"Too wamm!" A Stallion near the front of the Herd shouts. He's right, the Sun is climbing so high it's nearly overhead
Fluffies walk down into the bad-lands, and here is where you and you can help these 'Cee-Tee' Fluffies find shelter.
It's hard, there's more Fluffies than you can count, stretching back farther than you can see, but you try. Fluffy Mammas and Foals get the best shade, because they are the most vulnerable, then Mares, then Stallions.
Everyone is so hot, fluff is bad when Fluffies get this hot, so everyone pants through their mouths to try and make the 'Wamm Bad Feww' to leave their bodies.
Fluffies are warned about the Bug-Munstas and the Snake-Munstas, but some don't understand, or are too mean, and push into the rocks, looking for shelter.
Hear them scream as the Munstas sting them. Fluffies flop about, howling and pooping and shrieking as the Bad Bites make them spit boo-boo juices and turn ugly colors.
Fluffies cram in under shrubs, behind tall rocks, anywhere there is shade, and pant, flicking their tails and twitching their ears to try and make the Fly-Not-Friends who plague them go away.
On the other side of the road, the Other Fluffies are shouting in dismay, apparently several of their Herd tried to take shelter behind a Prickly Green Plant, and got bad owies from the thin needles that cover it.
Good. Don't like that Herd that is leading that mob of Cee-Tee Fluffies.
Made it impossible for you to be with Uni. Were naughty, so Uni's Hoomins pulled you all away.
You sigh and close your eyes, remembering how soft her fluff felt against your body, as the sun climbs higher into the sky, and the shade the Fluffies hide under shrinks
"Yuu weft dem awone! Wun away to chase Uni! Why yuu weave yuu Hewd to chase Uni! Bad Fwuffies! Hewds wuv yuu, an' yuu wun away!"
Whimper and try to forget the memory of Uni being so very angry with you. It's not your fault! She just... you think of Uni, and then your Mares, but there's just no comparison at all. Your Mares were small and scrawny and dirty, their ears ragged, their fluff full of dust and burrs.
Touching Uni was like... you don't know the words to describe it. It was like every good thing you ever wanted, and so many good things you never knew existed, all at once.
Soft, clean, warm, pretty, good feels, nice smells
You sigh and try to block out the sounds of Fluffy Ponies complaining loudly, pushing and shoving each other as the shade shrinks and shrinks, forcing the hot, unhappy Fluffies ever closer together.
But Uni is going 'North'.
And you will follow her to the ends of the Land, you said so.
You promised.
*********************************************************************
Well. Las Vegas...certainly more than you ever expected.
Spent a week and a half here, doing 'adverts' for various businesses that think appealing to Fluffy Pony Owners is a sound business decision.
Uni's getting the work out of her life here.
Fluffies are brought out to meet her by their owners, get hugs, and 'help' with the adverts.
Done everything from garages trying to sell fuel and repairs to specialty stores selling 'all natural' Fluffy Chow and even a Fluffy Pimp.
Seriously?
Don't think that one is going to see air-time.
The three mares were quite beautiful and were wearing makeup, with ribbons tied through their manes.
"How much yuu chawge?" They asked you, scowling at 'Uni'.
That was surprising. Uni was designed to be adorable by Fluffy Pony standards, until you twigged that they saw Uni as a 'rival' for business.
Only reason they weren't attacking was your size, otherwise you're sure that 'Uni' would have been showered with 'Sowwy Poopies!'
Regardless, you're a professional, do the shoot, then BUG THE HELL OUTTA THERE.
Prosti-Fluffies shouting at Pip and Eddy they can 'haf one on da howse!'
Nononononono....
Second-to-last Advert Shoot is in a Casino.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
Well at least there'll be AC. Feel like a steamed dumpling at this stage.
Whoever came up with the concept of a Latex Suit never worked in a desert, you're sure.
'Uni' is given some chips, 'plays' some of the games and 'wins' bowls of Spaghetti.
Big, heaped bowls of Spaghetti.
Oh God.
*********************************************************************
Set six weeks later
Be Natasha Goodaluv, again, and watch with bemusement as Eddy and Pip go out to meet the Fluffy Ponies and the Cows.
Some wit decided to stuff a Feral herd with Bovine Hormones, and started to bottle Fluffy Pony Milk. Without the addition of specific foods, the milk has a tendency to have a very starchy taste, but with all the sweet, well-watered grass and high-sucrose fodder the Farmer feeds them, the milk is almost sickeningly sugary.
Had a glass, can barely stand still. No wonder the little fluff-balls are so hyperactive if this is what they grow up on.
Sammy has bought twelve bottles of the damn stuff. Swears it'll be better for everyone than the redbull they're going through. Might be healthier, but for fuck's sake, you feel like you're vibrating right now from the sugar-high.
Oh God, the Mares in the fields have finally noticed Eddy and Pip are 'Stallions'.
This ought to be good. Eddy is 'interviewing' the Mares, while Pip is having a natter with the Farmer who originally came up with the concept of Bottled Fluffy Milk, a scattering of Fillies and young Mares following in his wake and giggling loudly.
In the fields outside the "Dairy Farmers of America" buildings, taking a well-earned break from the Uni-Suit as the madness starts.
"Yuu big Fwuffy! Yuu haf Hewd?" The 'Smarty Friend' of this all-female Herd asks loudly, grinning at Eddy.
Well, leering, but still...
"Eddy haf Hewd wit' Wittle Brudda Pip and Wittle Sistah Uni." Eddy rumbles at the Mares, who all squeak and squeal in delight.
Seriously, did they have to build the suit so Eddy sounded like that? You understand the marketing pitch, to make Eddy sound as big and authoritative as possible to make him popular with Earth Fluffy Ponies, but this is just ridiculous.
"Wan join mah Hewd?" The Smarty Mare shouts eagerly, tail lifted into the air and waving back and forth.
If you were closer, you'd bet you could smell the hormones flooding off her right now.
Combination of a lack of males, rich food, constant hormone injections to make her produce milk all the time, and that has to be one ripe little Fluffy out there trying to be sexy as all hell.
"For the record, if you two fuckers pop the suit's boner out there, I WILL beat you to death with your own fucking limbs." You hear the Director mutter into his head-set, and stifle the urge to giggle.
"An yuu is nice Hoomin who gif miwk to Fwuffies at home?" Pip squeaks to the Farmer, who grins and nods, obviously only just resisting the urge to burst out laughing.
Yes, the whole situation is absurd, just deal with it.
"Aaaaah, yep, I started bottling Fluffy Ponies milk a few years ago when they wandered onto my property, thought there might be a market." The aging, balding man snorts and grins as he watches 'Eddy' desperately trying to outrun the Mares, who had all latched on to his belly fluff, squirming and wriggling.
"WOOOOOOO!" You hear one Mare squeal in delight. Shit. SWAG has been launched...
Director is making choking noises, and you swear you can hear the coffee mug in his hands cracking as his knuckles turn white.
"Oh my God... well, uh, focusing on the milk again..." The Farmer makes an half-muffled snort of laughter as Pip and he walk away from the train-wreck of Eddy and the Mares. "The milk is bottled and treated on my farm, filled with all the good things Fluffy Ponies need, and then sold all over the country. There's Fluffy Milk for Foals, Fluffy Milk for Adults, Fluffy Milk for the Elderly Fluffies. Hell, I even pasteurize some for people too."
"Yaaaaay! Nice Hoomin get Fwuffie Miwk fo' evewy Fwuffie an' dere Mummies an' Daddies!" Pip 'cheers', dancing from hoof to hoof, his wings flapping 'eagerly'.
The Mares who followed pip also start dancing, delighted.
"Yuu is Guud Fwuffies who make Miwk fo' otha Fwuffies!" Pip tells them, 'smiling' at them. "Yuu is wunnerful! Yuu is Best Fwuffies!"
Mare cling to Pip's fluff and shout they love him, that they think he's 'wunnerful' too.
Eddy has fallen over with much cursing, sending Fluffy Ponies flying.
They rushed over to ask if he was okay, then saw the SWAG just lying there. Fluffy Mares all crowd around, rubbing their back-ends on the exposed shaft, giggling and cooing, even as their Smarty Friend tries to back into the damn thing.
"Nnnnnngh! So Big! Fwuffy gun' haf Best Speshaw Huggies!" She shouts loudly, grinding back as hard as she can, her face contorting hilariously as she tries to push all 2 feet of flanged latex horse wang into her tiny body.
That does it. Everyone bursts into laughter or starts wolf-whistling.
"Oh for the love of... FROM THE TOP!" The Director yells, rubbing at his temples.
Time till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohi opens ... 6 weeks
*********************************************************************
4 Weeks till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohio opens.
Kansas City. By All The Gods, so many adverts.
Uni's getting more mileage than you thought possible. Much as you hate to admit it, the suit is incredible to hold up under this constant 'abuse' without the mechanisms failing.
Doing a shoot at the St. Louis Arch, with the other two Suits.
Redo of the 'Journey' song. Seems that Fluffies absolutely adore it.
Apparently Las Vegas has had a surge of customers, with Fluffies in tow, and made a killing.
Customers can either take their winnings or have free all-you-can-eat buffets for themselves and their Fluffy Ponies for a week.
Naturally, people try to take the money, but the Fluffy ponies break down into tears, and the owners either boot the Fluffy, try to make it understand or give in to the guilt.
The other thing that's surprising is there's close to a million Fluffy ponies following in your wake.
Jesus enfing Christ. There's so many of them following the Freeway from Hollywood to Cleveland that satellites can pick them up.
They're only just reaching Las Vegas now, according to the News Reports, a sprawling two-part Herd that shambles on morning and night, leaving a trail of weak or dead Fluffy Ponies in their wake.
"We fowwowin' Uni!" One Fluffy Pony said on National Television, making the entire cast spit their coffee out in horror. "We fowwow Uni fow'evah! We wuv Uni!... I wuv Uni mowst dou...."
Cue the Feral Fluffies going into a screaming free-for-all as the Stallions jumped on the Smarty Friend, shouting that they themselves 'wuved' Uni more than anyone!
Any complaints to the show get funneled down the line to the your Mystery Asshole Boss. Hope the bastard's ears are melting off from the enraged Fluffy Pony Owners whose babies have run away to follow their Idol.
And there's scores of abusers out there attacking the herds, but apparently there were so many that a couple of flat-bed trucks actually went out of control when their wheels locked up with Fluff, and tipped over, crushing their inhabitants, who got 'Owie-Fixin'-Hugs' to make it all better.
And promptly suffocated under thousands of Fluffies trying to fix their 'boo-boos'.
Karma at work, ladies and gentlemen. You thought to yourself as you watched the police pry the Fluffy ponies off the corpses.
Las Vegas City Council apparently decided that it was a fantastic attention-getter, and has 'helped' the Fluffy Ponies by diverting them down the main 'strip' of road leading through town and blocking off the alleyways and side-streets.
Show-Girls are holding signs saying "Uni went that way!" instead of working the tables, or under them.
Lying bastards. They're just eager to see the Ferals leave, and possibly make their own Feral Fluffy Pony population disappear in the process.
Fuck you can only imagine what the Ferals have had to go through .....
*********************************************************************
You hold up your son to the sky... and weep bitter, bitter tears. The tears wash down into your dirty fluff, leaving two clean trails on your cheeks as the foal remains cold and stiff, despite your attempts to warm it with the morning sun.
The mare you had befriended on the way died, leaving you to look after the last of the babies you had given her one night when you couldn't stand the Hot-Naughty-Feels pulsing through you.
Brandy died because the Mean Herd snuck across the road and ate all the nummies, marching all night long while your herd slept.
Your herd kept following their side of the road, too afraid of the Munstas to cross the highway, too determined to stop and seek food further from the highway's edge.
Three days without food, and barely any water, and eventually she was too weak to move.
Babies had been without milk for two days when the first, your daughter Gust, fell off her Mother's back and wouldn't get up.
You and Brandy cried over her body so much, then left the Herd to take her and put her under a bush, where she could rest.
You both knew she was dead, but it made it easier to go on if you pretended she was just sleeping.
Then your son Brambles began to fall ill, and you tried everything you could think of to make him better.
Hugs, half-chewed grass, some sweet berries you found and brought back for him to suck on, nothing worked.
Bandy kept on telling you she was sorry, she was a "Bad Fwuffy Mumma". Told her she was the "Best Fwuffy Mumma evah, it not her fault if Meanie Hewd steaw nummies."
Brandy didn't move the next day, still and cold even with you hugging her through the night, your son snuggled between you both, wheezing in his sleep.
Now, he's dead. He's dead. HE'S DEAD. You feel so hollow and empty inside as you bring his body down, staring at it and fighting the urge to break down and will yourself to join your family in death.
You made a promise, not just to Uni, but to your mare and your babies that they would see Uni once again.
Your heart breaks, being a Fluffy Daddy was so... so fulfilling! It made every day wonderful to be alive, to know your babies were waiting for you to play with them, teach them to be good Fluffies.
You told them about Uni, the biggest, most beautiful (after their mumma) and most magical unicorn Fluffy who was leading Fluffies to a magical place.
Fluffies who joined you from the Cee-Tees said it was 'Sketti Wand', a place of endless Spaghetti, where Fluffies could play all day with nice hoomins who loved them, ride on toys made just for Fluffies, even find homes for themselves with the nice hoomins.
How the babies' eyes lit up when they heard that, how your mare sighed happily, all their hunger and pain forgotten for a few blissful moments.
Now... you have but one child left. A small, pale brown fillie with a shockingly bright-red mane and tail. Brandy the Second.
She's the only one that has managed to hold on to life, the only one that didn't fall sick from the lack of nummies, even though you can feel her ribs clearly when you give her huggies.
She's sitting there, dry-eyed and staring at her brother, her face inscrutable.
"Baybeh... we aww dat weft of famiwy." You whisper to her, placing your boy reverently down under a bush, tears still falling from your eyes.
"Fwuffie know. Fwuffie miss Mumma, miss Sissy, Miss Brudda." She whispers back, closing her eyes and sighing, sounding so much older than her single week of life could possibly suggest. "Buh we goin', Daddy? We goin' to see Uni, yes?"
Sigh and sob and laugh all at the same time, and let her climb up onto your back.
"Yes, Baybeh, we gon' see Uni. Daddy pwomise, an' Mumma wan' hew baybehs see Uni too, pway with Uni and eats wots of Sketti." You whisper to her as you shuffle off to rejoin the Herd, leaving your son to 'Sleep' alongside his mother under a prickly bush that will keep the Munstas from hurting them further.
As evening falls, you are all but falling over from weariness, but your daughter has had some nummies, where a nice hoomin had pulled up in a Fast Box Munsta and was distributing water and sweet nummies to the Fluffies.
"You keep going, you brave little things." She said, her face all wrinkled, smiling down at you as she handed out buttered peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches, which the herd dutifully broke down into bite-sized pieces, ate their share, and shuffled on after hugging the nice hoomin's ankles.
There's a lot of nice hoomins coming out now, saying they love Fluffy Ponies, want to see them make it to Sketti Wand.
Without them, you'd be dead by now, you're sure.
Some have Fluffies living with them in their Moving Safe Places, who cheer at you as well, saying they are going on ahead, and will be waiting for you at 'Sketti Wand'.
It's later that evening when you find the first of the Mean Herd, broken and bleeding, screaming about "Bad hoomins who gif huwties!"
They are quickly given Biggest Owies, and their bodies are rolled away from the road so that the Foals don't see them. They are evil fluffies who stole your nummies, and want to be special friends with Uni.
You once wanted to be like that. To make Uni your Special Friend, and yours alone.
Brandy changed that. Brandy filled your heart in ways that Uni never did.
You still love Uni, but Brandy will always live in your heart. You want to find Uni still, but so that she can teach your daughter to be a Good Fluffy too.
TO BE CONCLUDED.....

Disclaimer: This is likely going to be the most boring section but year 3 is where it starts to get good (which I can make it more humorous) and I will type it up while I play tomorrow. But as long as interest in these threads is here I will invest the time in making them. A couple comments in the first one said it was nostalgic, which I agree, its kind of why I am even writing these. These were the actual good days of poker before government decided to fuck it up for everyone, poker is a shell of what it used to be and it will never return to its glory days without government fucking off. There is no entry point for new players these days, there are no advertisements on ESPN, no play money hustles or low stakes games online full of fish (now full of bots or bot like regs) or mega field mtts for people to get excited about. Also processing power has grown so much that problem solvers are becoming prevalent in decent stakes games. Jump online and play some NLH, it is insanely unfriendly to anyone playing less than perfect (plo is the only way to play online now, lets make it bigger than NLH!). Your every leak will be exploited. Its just not going to come back. (No one tell me bovada is soft either, fuck the anonymous stuff, 4$ rake no rewards system, they deserve no business, globalpoker is the only one worse) Also worth noting every single event I cover is real. The only thing that can be false is dialogue (for humor usually) and potentially altered hand histories due to lapsed memory.
Oh and since I bashed two online sites I will plug one. Coinpoker.com - learn how to use crypto and join up. The software is solid, traffic a bit slow for USA time zones but its growing a bit. I have no affiliation aside from playing there and would enjoy more traffic in USA peak hours.
Year 2
I am now a 20 year old gun slinger in the wild West of online poker. I am grinding sit n gos and mtts and cash games. I am a jack of all trades, and a master of all games. I am playing plo stud8 nlh it didnt matter, I just wanted to learn every game. I was a genuine student of poker, it consumed my brain at all times. I wake up at noon to slide into my chair and start grinding, still living at home with my dad in my ear telling me to get a job because “there is no future to gambling” to which I retort “you got it wrong pops, its actually no gamble no future, and I am gonna gamble for mine”.
I am in the backwoods of Oklahoma. I have no clue when high speed internet was invented but I sure as hell didnt have it in 2006. I was still using dialup as it was the only option available. I grind a lot of mtts and sitngos, and when Poker Stars releases a small patch or update I always paid the piper. I would leave the website open 24/7 so disconnects often would leave me screaming at my computer banging my head as updates downloaded for 5-20 minutes usually. Often I would be ITM in an mtt or holding AA/KK somewhere praying to the poker gods that everyone else disconnected and was feeling my struggles as well.
Nevertheless I am becoming a winning player. I have erratic account balances ranging from 300-1000$ while I play $1-10$ mtts (and occasionally jumping into a 20$+) and cash games at 10nl/plo mostly. I dont exactly recall the tourney that allowed me to cash out $3,000 off of Poker Stars, but it happened at some point that year. I remember the day it came in the mail pretty well. I got in my piece of shit 1998 Ford F150 (that I drove from age 17 to 23ish until I gave it to a friend who had his car stolen, it finally collapsed at 310k miles, I abused that truck, it literally had so many original parts on it, including the spark plugs amazingly) and drove into town head held high with my prize sitting on my lap. I couldnt wait to get to the bank so they could ask me where I got all this money from (which is ironic because a year later you had to lie if you wanted to retain your bank account). In my mind, as a 20 year old who has never even held 1000$ of my own money before it felt like I was going to be cashing the biggest check they would see all week.
I arrive at a Bank of Oklahoma, walk in and head to an open teller. She was an elderly lady probably in her 60s. I hand her the check and give her my account info and she starts punching away on her computer. She asks me how I want it, and with a smug grin on my face I say “in cash”. She gives me a blank stare then reaches into her drawer and pulls out a stack of $100 bills. This was the moment I had lived for, this was the moment my year plus of sitting in a basement ostracized from society grinding it out on my leather ass was for. She leans in to start counting out $3,000 and time is moving so slow for me. My bottom lip is literally shaking watching her count this massive sum of fiat, it was at the time the greatest moment of my life (over losing virginity, over the first time feeling the euphoria of MDMA, over anything). It felt so fulfilling. Pixelated cash turned to physical cash and I was on my way. Making the hour drive to the city to buy some cocaine and hang out with friends.
Short version of the weeks that followed that event, cocaine and home games for pennies. The money ran dry and my nose wore raw. The cocaine was rarely good obviously but thats to be expected in 2006 and in the Midwest.
Towards the end of the year I am going to a friends house to play after a weekend of partying and poker. We played at the casino the night before and have had little to no sleep in two days. Hes not a well seasoned super pro who has cashed a $3,000 check like me but he dabbles a bit. Its Sunday and were gonna grind a few tourneys, one in particular was a freeroll for anyone who earned X amount of FPPs over a set period of time. Everyone who makes final table gets a $12,000 package to main event. So we saddle up and jump into this (if my memory serves me correctly) 26,000~ player field. Luckily it had a good structure with plenty of play, 5 minute levels was going to allow my sharpened skills to shine. Laptops out, chargers plugged into a power supply we were underway. We felt like Louis and Clark setting out to traverse the western USA. We were gonna chart our maps on our way through this large field and claim our prize. We rarely say a word to each other through the first hour, were dog ass tired from the partying and high stakes 1-2nl at the casino the night before.
I bust my entry in the second hour, humiliated by the poker gods I look over at my friend in disgrace to let him know he is on his own, only to see him fast asleep sitting out at his table. I grab his laptop and feel my heart thud and my jugular swell as I have been revitalized having a second chance at this tourney, so long as he doesnt wake up.
I quietly accrue chips, soul reading my digital opponents and swiping their blinds. An hour passes I am still alive. Another hour and I am full thrive. Another hour and it seems I wont be deprived. We get down to 1000 then 500 then 100 people left standing. I awake my friend to show him what I have done, much to his surprise. He was excited but knew that I was the captain of his ship now. He fell asleep at the helm, so his ship now belonged to me.
Now to the hands I remember pretty well.
Two tables left. Not a ton of play but I am one of the bigger stacks. 15ish left and I am in the blinds with 66 when some asshat rips from the cutoff. It will cost me 3/4 of my stack (tbh I cant remember how many bb, it had to be 6-10 I would think, a 5 minute level turbo with 26k people back in 06? Had to be shallow) but I nut up and call.
My 66 is ahead of his QT but he finds a way to win. Now I am on deaths throes seeing this 12k package slip out of my grasp.
Aside from a pivotal pot that I won with K9o (ripping shallow) I remember no other hands but I assure you no one was all in or had someone all in more than I did at those final two tables. It tailed off with me comfortably sliding in from 11~ left to 9. I remember agonizing so many all ins, laughing when I won and yelling FUCK!! when I lost. More highs and lows over that 20-30 minutes than I had ever thought possible, and wouldnt feel again for a year or two. This 12k score was by far my biggest to date. We fist bumped and despite having no sleep we went out drinking and playing 1-2 like a couple of punk 21 year olds that we were. Kind of a side note but I have had many threats to me at a poker table, I am a bit mouthy (in the name of humor, but the humorless get angry).
Since it was my friends account we chopped the 12k. He proceeded to become a 200nl pro for the next few weeks. Sitting with the likes of Sam Simon (of The Simpsons, he was a frequent Poker Stars player) and melting off a good portion before tapping out.
I proceeded to continue to chip up from there. Then I had some issues on Poker Stars. While playing some 180 man sitgos I was talking to someone in chat. Who then found me on my cash tables to ask me what I had in a hand. Needless to say I broke collusion rules (worse than that, he lingered and was telling me his hands and I would tell him mine like a nimrod). Wasnt exactly intentional but I received a life time ban on Poker Stars and they sent me a check for my account balance. Not my proudest moment, it was dumb but honestly resulted in a net positive.
The end of the year I turn 21 and am grinding FTP and I am thinking about moving out of my folks house. I never get a fat roll together but I am winning here and there and blowing money like an idiot kid who has no concept of tomorrow. I was downloading new poker sites (the resulting net positive from losing stars)
One last story from this year. This is genuinely my favorite one I ever tell (and I tell it occasionally to this day in certain situations with people I dont think will get offended and they set themselves up for it)
I walk into a card room and get a 1-2 seat. I grab chips and head that way, and I end up drawing a seat directly to this old mans left. The old man was my grandfather. I had spent minimal time with this man in my life. Less than most people do with grandparents who live fairly close. He was a gambler though, stocks or cards. Rumor has it (never heard this from him only my mom and other family) in the late 70s or early 80s he sells a plot of land with a few oil drills on it and heads to Vegas where he spends 6-9 months playing poker and comes back busto. I never asked him about this story, if true I am sure he was felting himself to Brunson or Slim or some of the other old timers. The land yielded him a few hundred thousand dollars. The funny part is that piece of land is still pumping oil in 2019 (he fucked up). He recovered in life though, he never lived poorly. Owned a house on a lake in Oklahoma and dated meth addicted women 30 years younger than him my whole life. Just a standard version of a sugar daddy I suppose.
Anyhow, we greet each other and exchange a few words before just getting immersed in the game. Hes not exactly an old man coffee player, I do know his favorite hand is 910 though from poker discussions we had previously. About an hour into the session I have barely played a hand. I look over at him and say “man I just keep getting 92o 83o 72o over and over”. He then turns his head towards me and looks me in the eyes and says words I never will forget. He says (using fake name here) “Johnny, there aint one guy at this table that gives a fuck what youre folding” and looks away. I wasnt shocked at the cold response. He was a brash and dry person. Never told a joke that I remember. I never forgot it though and when people try to complain about their cards I tell them “I will tell you what my grandpappy told me, aint nobody at this table gives a fuck what youre folding”. Even though it was kind of cold, truer words rarely are uttered at a poker table. The last thing I care about is someones bad beats or card dead hour or wtf ever else. We are all so self involved that we think people care to hear a bad beat story or whatever, but they dont.
Part 3 in the next day or two.

Right after losing his NEVER Openweight Championship to Zack Sabre Jr., Chris Hero is struck with even further bad news as he’s informed he isn’t to be part of the G1! Hero trashes the area, demanding to know why he isn’t in the tournament. After all, he’s the Wrestling Genius, he’s a former champion, he’s the self-proclaimed best! Why shouldn’t he be in the tournament?
​
Upon asking for answers, his contract is pulled up, with it being revealed that in the fine print, it states that he will not be entered into the G1 due to their concerns that this ‘flexible contract’ may lead to him getting injured beforehand and thus, losing them a main attraction from the tournament. Instead, NJPW would rather play it safe and use members they know are going to be around and healthy. Hero goes on another rant about the disrespect shown to him, before promising that he’s going to find his way in, one way or another…
​
​
Build to Dominion 6.13
​
The company are currently on their Dominion loop, doing the usual shows to build up to the big upcoming show. Due to IWGP Heavyweight Champion Kazuchika Okada not having a challenger heading into the show, a contract signing livestream is announced where he gets to choose who he wants to face, that person making the match official by signing the contract.
​
The segment ensues as scheduled, with all the formalities and such taking place. Okada comes out in a suit, his World Title hanging from his shoulder, a proud and collected expression on the Ace’s face. He takes a seat, signing his part of the contract, before giving a few words, before signalling off camera to welcome his challenger on set and ink their signature too. An awkward pause occurs, before Okada signals again to the expected opponent, who’s standing behind the curtain to come out, yet still no response.
​
Suddenly, an uproar of yells sound, causing Okada to raise an eyebrow before sending someone to go check it out. They come running back, breathing heavy as they explain that Okada’s selected opponent has been attacked and laid out! He slams his fists on the table, angry at the shenanigans that have taken place. He questions who he’s to face then instead, claiming that everyone else worthy of getting a shot is booked up. That’s when a voice shouts ‘Not everyone!’… OUT COMES CHRIS HERO!
​
Blood dripping from Hero’s fists, it’s clear to Okada that it was Hero who instigated the attack, immediately popping up to his feet to get into Hero’s face, who pushes him back to further draw his ire. The two men are broken up before a proper brawl can break out though, with Okada being returned to his chair. Okada demands Hero to be escorted out, but the Knockout Artist resists, claiming that Okada has something that he wants! He said that he’s going to win a World Championship by the end of the year, and seeing as Okada has no challenger for Dominion, and also seeing as Hero has knocked out all his stablemates, bringing up his matches with Goto, Ishii and Ospreay, he says that he feels that he’s more than worthy to take the mantle of challenger.
​
Okada grits his teeth, knowing that as much as he hates the situation, he can’t deny Hero’s point. He doesn’t want to hand out a title shot in this manner, for the title he put years into making it as prestigious as he is, but anger gets the better of him, telling Hero it’s a lock, Hero laughing as he knows he’s gotten what he wants. The Wrestling Genius puts pen to paper, making the World Title match official, before telling Okada that NJPW tried to rob him a spot in the G1. But when he beats Okada and becomes the new IWGP Heavyweight Champion, it’s going to be Okada that’s left without a spot in the round robin tournament, Hero going onto win the whole damn thing and choose his own opponent for the Tokyo Dome show.
​
Okada fires back in Japanese, claiming that he’s put down ragtag gaijin like Bullet Club before and Hero is just like one of them, so he’ll put down Hero the same way. Upon receiving translation of Okada’s words, Hero displays a look of insult, telling Okada to never compare him to those scum ever again. He’s Wrestling’s Hero, not like BC. What he did behind the curtain wasn’t an act of ‘villainy’. He was simply putting his fists to use to bring justice, like a true hero, for himself being robbed a spot in the G1, so he’s not ever to be compared to them ever again. The two men pose for the official photo, before staring daggers at each other.
​
Okada believes that Hero committed an act of disrespect by taking out his scheduled opponent, wanting to show him that he can’t just come to NJPW and do as he pleases, instead having to abide to the strict code of honour and respect for this company and the people. Hero responds, saying that Okada has it all twisted, trying to frame the Hero for something he’s not guilty of doing. Did he commit villainous actions? No. Did he deliver justice? Yes. And he’s going to deliver further justice at Dominion when he knocks Okada out and takes his title home with him.
​
​
A new development is made on the road to Dominion, as it’s announced that Hero has been entered into the Super Strong Style 16 Tournament! Despite having a major match with Okada coming up soon, Hero is that trusting of his own abilities that he believes that not only can he win the PROGRESS Tournament that he’s never won before, but also, he can knock off Okada and leave as World Champion! Meanwhile, Okada reacts to the news on Twitter with mere disappointment, telling Hero that he should focus on Okada or he’s going to be hit with the biggest reality check he ever has been hit with to date when Okada’s standing over him, his title raised high.
​
​
PROGRESS Chapter 108: Super Strong Style 16 | Alexandra Palace | May 29th – 31st 2021
​
Taking a detour on the path to the huge Tokyo Dome main event, Hero’s getting some ‘practice matches’ in to get himself ready. To give some context behind Hero’s choice decision, he’s been in the SSS16 twice, but has never won. The first time in 2016, he was eliminated by his protégé, Tommy End, in the Quarter-Finals, whilst the second time he suffered a loss to Zack Sabre Jr. in the Finals in 2018 during his NXT run. Now though, he looks to break the curse and prove that third time’s the charm, getting himself another title shot for down the road.
​
Chris Hero vs The O.J.M.O in the Round of 16
​
In the first round, Hero takes on the high-flying prodigy, The O.J.M.O, a.k.a Michael Oku. Oku has made quite the name for himself in PROGRESS, having gotten as far as challenging for the top title at Chapter 100 at only 26 years of age. Ever since, he’s been scratching and clawing to make his way back to the pinnacle, and he gets that opportunity in the opening round. He uses his high-risk offense to put Hero on the back pedal early, only for Hero to maul him with his patented elbow strikes. Oku fights back, ever the scrappy competitor, but the Rolling Elbow does him in, allowing Hero to advance!
​
Chris Hero def. The O.J.M.O to advance to the Quarter Finals (12:21)
​
​
Chris Hero vs Shigehiro Irie in the Quarter Finals
​
Following that, Hero finds himself in the ring with a fellow beefy lad who happens to hail from Osaka, where Hero’s upcoming World Title match is. Irie has shown himself to be quite the talent in his sparing appearances for the company, this one being one of his biggest opportunities to showcase himself, and he does big time. This is the classic big man vs big man formula with a lot of strong style striking. Irie gives Hero quite a run for his money, showing him that there’s someone who can match his strength, but it is Hero who advances once again, delivering the Hero’s Welcome to seal the deal!
​
Chris Hero def. Shigehiro Irie to advance to the Semi Finals (14:03)
​
​
Chris Hero vs Timothy Thatcher in the Semi Finals
​
Hero finds his toughest challenge ever as he’s forced to face a demon from his past run on the indies, Thatcher, who enters his first-ever SSS16. Match after match, Hero battled Tim up and down the indies, and even most recently back at Chapter 99, yet was never able to beat him in the matches that mattered the most, leading to doubt heading into this match. Will Hero be eliminated in the Semis once more? The Knockout Artist works hard to avert that fate, tanking through Thatcher’s lethal striking and submission game, but it seems history will repeat itself once more as the British Messiah locks in the Fujiwara Armbar! Hero manages to make it to the ropes though, before flipping the submission game on Thatcher with the Rivera Cloverleaf, forcing him to tap out!
​
Chris Hero def. Timothy Thatcher to advance to the Finals (14:57)
​
​
Chris Hero vs Ilja Dragunov in the Finals
​
Finally, the big match everyone has been waiting for! Hero makes an emphatic return to the Finals for the second time in a row, whilst Dragunov finds himself moving up one from 2019’s Semi Finals, now in the endgame! The Unbesiegbar is ever the underdog babyface is this match as he battles the arrogant veteran who believes this is his time, and that no one can take this from him. That seems to be the case as the two men go to a striking contest, Hero getting the better of Dragunov without much trouble, only to find out that the resilience of Dragunov is what’s gotten him so far, realising that it isn’t as easy as he had once originally thought! Dragunov gives Hero hell, bringing out the Grüße aus Moskau that takes Hero off of his feet, before going for the final shot: the Torpedo Moskau! As he launches himself at Hero though, Hero has it scouted, knocking Dragunov right in the noggin with a Rolling Elbow, before delivering the Death Blow! 1…2…3! HERO HAS WON THE SSS16!
​
Chris Hero def. Ilja Dragunov to win SSS16 2021 (18:39)
​
After three attempts, Hero has finally come out on top, making a dream come true! Streamers hail down from the rafters and everyone celebrates the beautiful moment as they watch Hero hoist the trophy up high. He may not have been the crowd favourite to win, but Hero is Hero, and to see him light up with so much glee is a true sight to behold. His expression changes though when he remembers what winning entails: a shot at the PWG World Champion.
​
And who oh who is the Champion but the man coming down to the ring to come face-to-face with Hero… David. Starr. The man who beat Hero in his return to the indies is the man who’ll be defending his title against Hero. Two men with immense disdain for one another for very obvious reasons. As Starr holds the title up in Hero’s face, the commentators rave about the two men’s first encounter, an absolutely first class match that spanned over half an hour. Both men have evolved quite a fair bit ever since, with Hero making quite the rebound up until his match with ZSJ. Now though, it’ll be the SSS16 2019 Winner and current World Champ, Starr, against the SSS16 2021 Winner and challenger, Hero. Starr cuts a chilling promo on Hero, telling him that wherever he goes on the indies, Starr will be there to reprimand him for selling out and put him down, preventing him from accomplishing his fantasy of becoming World Champion, the independent scene deserving a more worthy champion than Hero.
​
​
NJPW Dominion 6.13 | Osaka-Jo Hall | June 13th 2021
​
Chris Hero vs Kazuchika Okada (c) for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship
​
Before we get around to the match between Hero and Starr though, Hero gets his big opportunity in the limelight against the current Ace of NJPW. The story of the match features the cocky veteran, wanting one last run at the top, believing he still has what it takes to be the best, facing off against the vengeful champion, who wants to protect the honour and legacy of the company by preventing a gaijin from taking his title once again. Hero feels chills as big as he’s ever felt when Okada makes his grand entrance, entranced by the crowd reception to yet another star who’s remained loyal to his people by staying as a NJPW lifer unlike Hero. He doesn’t let himself crack under the pressure of Starr’s words though, concentrating on winning gold instead.
​
Hero is brash and disrespectful, but also extremely talented too, leading to the man beating down Okada to pulp, much like he did to Okada’s originally chosen opponent. Hero yells at the fans to cheer for him as he’s their hero, but as he spends time messing around, Okada gets back into the match, doing his big money match routine, both men pulling out all the stops. We get an incredible Rainmaker reversal into a Rolling Elbow, Hero very nearly sealing the deal with the shot. As he goes to finish Okada off with the Death Blow, he’s arrogance costs him, the submission work that Thatcher did a couple weeks back causing Hero to tweak his arm and not be able to follow through with the move, allowing Okada to down him after two consecutive Rainmakers!
​
Kazuchika Okada (c) def. Chris Hero to retain the IWGP Heavyweight Championship (29:40)
​
​
ROH Best in the World | UMBC Event Center | July 2nd 2021
​
Marty Scurll (c) vs Colt Cabana for the ROH World Championship
​
Following his loss to Okada, Hero continues going down a dark path when he shows up at Best in the World to interfere in the ROH World Title match. However, the question on everyone’s mind though is who is he interfering for? Former rival Scurll, or close friend Cabana? Villain Enterprise immediately bring to action when they notice Hero coming down the ramp, the crowd exploding upon spotting the ROH alumni!
​
Scurll has a look of grave concern on his face whilst Cabana is confused yet relieved to find out there’s someone to level the numbers game for him. As Hero strolls down the ramp, the referee gets distracted, allowing Scurll to hit him from behind with the umbrella, the ref collapsing to the floor not knowing what just hit him! VE flood into the ring and sick Cabana, tearing the indie legend to pieces as the crowd boo. They stare expectantly at Hero though, chanting his name over and over; the sweet symphony he’d been longing to hear.
​
The Wrestling Genius slides into the ring, causing the Villain to hide behind Brody, sending him in Hero’s path, only for the big man to eat a Rolling Elbow! PCO attempts to intervene, suffering the same fate as his partner! Scurll pushes Flip in Hero’s path to buy some time, but Hero simply sends Flip soaring! It comes down to just Hero and Scurll now, Scurll doing his best to high-tail out of the way. Hero smirks, letting the Champ escape the ring, before extending his hand to Cabana to help him up, who obliges… HERO DROPS CABANA WITH THE ROLLING ELBOW! HERO TURNED ON HIS FRIEND!
​
Scurll looks on in shock, stunned by Hero’s actions! First VE… now Cabana? Who’s side is he on? Things become crystal clear when he reaches out to help Scurll back into the ring, the Hero and the Villain standing side-by-side! Slowly, the rest of VE return to their feet, confused by all that’s happened, yet not questioning in fear of taking another elbow that knocks their heads off. Marty cackles as he feeds Cabana to Hero, who floors him once for with the elbow, before latching on the Crossface Chickenwing, reviving the referee to watch Cabana quickly pass out! Scurll has retained, and VE has just found itself its newest member!
​
​
Build to The Crockett Cup 2021
​
Wrestling fans all over the world lose their MINDS over Hero’s shocking heel turn, the man they all once used to trust turning his back on one of his closest friends in heartbreaking fashion to help Scurll go over. The ROH World Champion admits that he didn’t even see it coming himself, but he’s not one to question a smart man who knows what the smart thing to do is, gladly welcoming Hero to join the ranks, before handing a mic over to him to speak his mind as much as he wants to.
​
Hero nods, taking over and talking about how things have changed so much since he’s returned to the independent scene. He found out that these people, the ones he gave his heart and soul to make this place what it is, have thrown him to the wayside, suddenly forgetting who he truly is. He’s not a joke that can be passed over by management, or disregarded by his peers/fans. He’s Chris Freaking Hero, so in his mind, the only thing that happened at Best in the World is he brought justice to the world. It may have been at the expense of someone he once loved like a brother, but this whole time since returning all the people he loved and fought for have moved onto another man who tries to act like Chris Hero 2.0. They want their damn ‘loyalty’ and whatnot, acting like toddlers when a professional man like himself makes professional decisions in hopes of bettering this wrestling world. They can cheer or boo him all they want, whilst he’s going to take what he deserves, and there’s no better group of men to serve that justice alongside him other than VE.
​
The spiteful words of Hero are delivered on as he tears things up on weekly ROH TV, knocking out fan favourites week after week, before VE even launch an attack on NWA, invading an episode of Powerrr! Hero claims that as part of delivering justice, he’s going to bring the group the gold that they should’ve held two years ago when Scurll faced Aldis for the World Title. Thus, the match is made official for the upcoming cross-promotion Crockett Cup event, with the newest member of VE taking a crack at the National Treasure!
​
​
NWA/ROH The Crockett Cup 2021 | Cabarrus Arena & Events Center | August 14th 2021
​
Chris Hero vs Nick Aldis (c) for the NWA Worlds Heavyweight Championship
​
The atmosphere is electric in the building, as the home promotion crowd cheer at the top of their lungs for Aldis, whilst booing the hell out of Hero, the two men coming to blows in the ring. Hero wrestles a much more aggressive style than usual, turning everything he does up a notch or two, whilst Aldis, despite having the world in his corner, shows how a true heel does it in the ring, outclassing Hero’s work and playing mind games with him. Hero tries to not let it get to him, instead calling for VE to back him up, who turn the tide in his favour in the match, only for Aldis to find himself some support from the locker room, people banding together to prevent a ROH guy from taking their top title! Eventually, throughout all the chaos, Aldis nails Hero in the skull with the gold, busting him open, before putting him down with the Mag Daddy Driver to retain!
​
Nick Aldis (c) def. Chris Hero to retain the NWA Worlds Heavyweight Championship (22:18)
​
​
Build to Death Before Dishonor 2021
​
Hero is left in an emotional wreckage after losing to Aldis, unable to understand what he needs to win a World Title and get all of his fans back. He thought by going to Japan and proving his mettle against the top stars he’d be embraced, but he blew it after he snapped following the loss to ZSJ, becoming just another guy like BC that runs wild without respect for anything. He sacrificed one of his long standing friendships to join VE, thinking that aligning himself with a man he found respect for in the ring, Scurll, a current World Champion, would help him reach where he wanted to be, but in all fact, all he did was betray his own morals and mess things up even further. Now, he has to fight that former friend in Colt Cabana at DBD, the two men getting a chance to settle the score.
​
What breaks him even further is seeing a highlight reel of the past years he competed on DBD, from leading charge in an epic CZW/ROH rivalry unlike the whimper that was the charge on NWA, beating one of the UK’s biggest stars in Nigel McGuinness, unlike his loss to Aldis, before teaming as the Kings of Wrestling to retain the Tag Titles over the Briscoes, one of ROH’s best Tag Teams, who continue the common theme of staying loyal to a promotion. What does Hero need to do to pull himself out of this state? He isn’t getting any younger and wants a World Title by the end of the year that he can hold with the fans by his side. We’ll just have to see how he fares against Cabana…
​
​
ROH Death Before Dishonour 2021 | Sam’s Town Casino | September 27th 2021
​
Chris Hero vs Colt Cabana
​
The battle between Hero and Cabana is a true emotional bout as two veterans of the indie scene who helped significantly in shaping it up go to war. Cabana left his post once to go to the WWE, thinking it would bear the same fruits that Hero thought it would, only to find out it was a lie, returning to the people who made him instead. Hero left them twice, and now seems to have shut them out despite wanting them back so badly. Cabana tries to snap some sense into Hero throughout the match, reminding his friend of everything he’s throwing away, Hero seemingly slowly turning back to see the light, but tonight is not the night for making monumental changes, as Hero knocks his friend out with the Ripcord Rolling Elbow.
​
Chris Hero def. Colt Cabana (13:35)
​
​
PROGRESS Chapter 115: Treasure Chase | Alexandra Palace | October 10th 2021
​
Chris Hero vs David Starr (c) for the PROGRESS World Championship
​
Following the victory over Cabana, we’re finally treated to Hero/Starr II, the story much more different than it was the first time, Hero truly turning into a despicable individual, greedy for gold, whilst Starr remains firmly the Man of the People, promising to teach Hero a lesson for all his misdeeds. The two tear things up once again, clobbering each other with the future of indie wrestling in their minds. The fans boo Hero every time he has even the slightest advantage, Starr’s cult following fully backing him up. They go much longer than last time though, battling right down to the wire, going the distance for the full 60-Minute Time Limit Draw!
​
Chris Hero and David Starr (c) wrestle to a draw (60:00)
​
Yet again, Hero has failed to capture a World Title despite delivering his best performance to date. The atmosphere is rather peculiar after the match, as the fans actually give BOTH men a standing ovation, Hero not believing his ears for a moment, having spent months surrounding himself in the jeers and boos. And then he turns to face Starr, seeing the tiniest glint of respect in his eyes. He takes a look at himself for a moment, thinking, wrestling needs a hero… but is it Chris Hero? The fans seem to love Starr, but it’s clear that they’re desperate to have their hero back too, and after putting on one of the best performances of his career, Hero just might finally be on the right track…
​
​
Part Four: Heroes Never Die
​
Going with a quick summary approach here, following his time limit draw against Starr, Hero moves onto ROH Survival of the Fittest, entering the tournament that he’s won in the past many years ago when he was the hero of the people, believing he needs to do it again to become that man once again. Scurll seems to start becoming worried as he notices Hero becoming humbled by all his big World Title losses, slowly becoming more receptive to fan chants and becoming a fan favourite once again. Scurll reminds Hero to keep his head in the game and win SOTF so Marty doesn’t have to defend at Final Battle, Hero telling him not to worry. He’s tasked with facing stablemate Brody in Qualifier Round, with Brody trying to knock out Hero, suspicious of him. Hero wins though to Brody’s chagrin, advancing to the elimination style match where he faces off against: Jay Lethal, RUSH, Flip Gordon, Bandido and Dalton Castle. 5 of ROH’s best in the ring with Hero, and he manages to survive them all to become the first-ever two time winner!
​
Scurll comes out to congratulate his stablemate, making sure he doesn’t rub Hero the wrong way and cause fractions in his group, but it’s already too late for that as Hero knocks out Scurll to become a fan favourite once more, challenging the man in the main event of Final Battle for the World Title! Hero and Scurll tear it up, the bout labelled as ‘Hero vs Villain III’, with Hero knocking off the Villain to become ROH World Champion, winning the title that once was the true representation of the independent scene for the first time in his career, and thus, accomplishing his World Title goal! Hero is a hero once more, but he just has a couple things left that he needs to settle.
​
Firstly, he returns to NJPW and apologises to the people for his disrespect, the fans immediately taking him back and embracing him. One man that has a bone to pick with Hero though is Chris Jericho! Former AEW World Champion calls out Hero for talking about how he promises to never sign with AEW in his career, wanting to devote the rest of his life to the independent scene instead. Jericho deems Hero an idiot, claiming he would’ve invited him to the Inner Circle after his match with Okada, only to find out Hero is just another one of those ‘indie marks’ that has no semblance of respect for true greatness. We receive a dream clash in a Chris vs Chris match, one man the people’s champ, the other the chaotic and loathed gaijin. Hero manages to knock off Jericho, reaffirming his point of only needing the indies to succeed.
​
Secondly and most importantly, Hero returns to PWG to apologise to the people, challenging Starr to one last match, no titles on the line. Starr accepts, noticing Hero’s humble attitude and respect once again towards the place he helped build, the two men ending their trilogy of matches with Hero finally going over! After the match, Hero bows down to Starr, embracing him as the current face of the Independent movement, before promising to stake his life to making this the place it always used to be. He also promises to Starr to make this ROH World Title a representation of the indies once more as opposed to the corporate belt it’s become over time. All is finally well in Hero’s world. It was a tough ride where he fought the top stars all over the indies, finally coming to terms with who he is once again and becoming Wrestling’s Hero once more. He’s no longer a sell out, he’s Chris Freaking Hero, and he’s World Champion.

Let me start off by saying I love this game to bits. I’ve platinumed it on PlayStation and I’m genuinely considering getting it again on switch for the extra content. I thought to myself “why not do a full draconian quest run, it will be a fun challenge...” Oh what a fool I was.
The beginning of the game is possibly the worst part. Where every fight with a monster nine times out of ten ends with you dead. You have to pick and choose your fights very carefully and always make sure you’re healed up, because if you go into a fight you’re not 100% ready for you will die and lose your progress. Grinding is a slow process especially when it is just the hero and Erik running away from Heliodor. Every level counts and you have to grind to the absolute peak of which the game will let you in order to even attempt the boss fights needed for progression.
Although nearly every encounter is a death trap the introduction of Serena and Veronica are a literal god send for grinding up levels and materials. Don’t get me wrong the boss fights are still hard as nails (the Sand Scorpion fight was won with pure luck for me) but the game wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be during the middle part of the game.
Most of the bosses weren’t total pushovers, but due to the fact that your level was no longer hard capped by the area you were in (now that the world is open to you) you could grind to obscene levels then take on certain bosses as you saw fit. Only a few bosses from the first “gather orbs” part of the game really gave me trouble (Elysium Bird surprisingly and the Jorgo... I can’t type that out the beast thing in Sniffleheim) and up until the beginning of act 2 the game was fairly easy.
Act 2 was a horrible awakening for me though. Now that your party is in shatters you have to rebuild them once again with no one but you and Eight to take on the world. This was... difficult to say the least. The skeleton fight in the Heliodor castle must have taken me 70+ tries to beat. Getting Rab was a process, but with a healer I was able to get Slyv and a version of Erik I can’t bring myself to call useless for a reason later in this run.
With this team I went on to challenge Jade and her captor which was another especially horrible fight. Not only do you have to fight Jade and the Captor back to back, this fight has all kinds of status ailments and magic stealing attacks that it can be quite frustrating on top of having three turns. After you beat it though you get access to Jade and the pep power Electro Light which cuts down on grinding immensely, but in order to progress through the game and get back my boy Erik you have to get past the Big Boi Fish Daddy.
Now let me tell you about Big Boi Fish Daddy, he is a bastard. I tried him so many times and I could not get past. He’d constantly kill my squad since I didn’t have an actual healer and in the end it would be poor useless Erik against the boss. On one of my close battles with BBFD he wiped my party and Erik was all that was left. I lost hope instantly and just spammed attack for no reason... only to be met with a clutch critical hit which won the battle for us making useless Erik a champion of the people.
I won that battle by pure luck, and the next boss I had to beat was even worse then BBFD. Erik’s sister is a good character but in act 2 she’s a c*nt of a boss. She resists physical attacks and without a dedicated magic attacker like Veronica your only real way to damage her is with Quadraslash or Sap + Unbridled Blade. It was a hard fight but after a lot of attempts I was able to squeak by again before beating her. Surprisingly the next boss the Boreal Serpent was a total pushover I beat him my first try without any level grinding post Erik’s sister.
After this fight you get access to the best and most useful character in all of Dragon Quest. This lovely lady is none other but Serenica as I usually called her. Let me tell you how much of a god send this character was to have back in my party. She could do literally everything and anything any magic user could do and it genuinely made me sad to get Veronica back at the cost of Serenica the Giga Chad of a wizard. After doing all of the fairly simple plot stuff in the game leading up to the end battle with Mordegen it was finally time to take on the bastard and his legions of darkness.
And it was actually pretty easy. I was worried about the boss you face when you first land but he was easy mode and I was able to beat him first try. Jasper was honestly not what I thought he would be. The combination of Sap+attack buffed Erik+ a triple victimizer is an absolute god send which I didn’t use often enough in my first play through of the game. The only downside to it is that it takes a while to set up and you can’t rely on it as your only source of dps because of later game bosses being able to disrupt your buffs.
After beating Jasper we faced off against Mordegen the biggest baddest bad guy of them all (until the other guy).... He was another fight that went very well in my favor and I beat him first try. To be fair I did a ton of prep before this battle though, and after the Jasper battle I went back out into the world and loaded up on any and every magic restoring consumable I could find knowing this two phase battle was going to be a haul. (Side note... thank god the casino shop doesn’t count as technically shopping or else I probably wouldn’t have made it through the run due to the huge boost in gear it gives you early in the game). The fight went well and all was good in the land with the evil wizard defeated.
Now comes the worst part of the run... Act 3. I knew it would be hard, but god damn I did not realize how much I relied on the multi tool giga chad that was Serenica. Going back in time really messed with me when it came to bosses as I had to restructure my team around the fact that I can’t have Serena hand out buffs and debuffs like a crack head handing out pamphlets in Times Square with Rab as a secondary heal bitch.
My party was around level 65 when we finished Mordegen and I thought I’d be more than okay to take on Act 3 right out of the gate. We got stomped. The world is very open once you finish all of the story related stuff with going back in time so I was able to pick and choose what I wanted to take on first. What I found was that no matter where I went I was getting destroyed by every boss I tried to encounter with no hope for a special strategy or luck to win me the fight.
After realizing this I came to the realization that I’m going to have to power level A LOT. What I would do is find a weak ish enemy to fight (I started with the red puppets in the portrait world because the old man is the easiest post game boss to beat.) and defend until I was able to use the pep power Hallelujah and then use Electro Light to attract metal slimes (keep in mind pep pips and pep pop are limited as I can’t just throw millions of gold at Dirk in Cobblestone so I can get all of that. Sure I can get them at the casino in octagonia, but gambling takes a while and is too mindless even for me to grind). What this method would do is give me way more exp for metal slimes making me jump in level very very quickly thanks to the fact they can barely hurt me and Erik and Jade can sweep them easily. I grinded to about level 75 then started to slowly progress my way through the bosses. Whenever I got stuck I went right back to leveling up with the same method as before. I got through a fair amount of the bosses but with my party around low level 80s and still getting one shot by some of the bosses I knew I had to grind to max level if I wanted to beat the rest of the game.
The grind was real, but out of it I was able to plan my fights so I could get some rare items as the Hallelujah Pep power also effects the monsters you fight before the slimes come in so you can get some of the rarer drops from monsters while grinding. One thing to consider when doing this method on full Draconian Quest Mode is that the metal slimes you fight to get exp are technically a lower monster than you according to the game and thus won’t give you exp if you just kill them and the weaker monster you let hit you while you peped up. You have to do a lot of trial and error with what you fight to make sure you get the most exp out of each combo pep power as it takes a long time to set up.
Eventually I made it to level 99 on each of my characters and now I was ready to take on the world once again. I thought it would be a walk in the park by now, but I was right but also wrong. Normal world side bosses were easy barely giving me any trouble with most of them going down in a few attempts. Once I decided to take on the post game challenges like the Harma Wheel and Durstans Trials things changed. The Wheel of Harma wasn’t hard necessarily, but on the final trial it takes a lot of pre planning with pep ups and certain abilities but it’s certainly possible. Durstan is a different story and here’s where the run gets... complicated. All of the bosses save for the last one were easy enough at my level, but the last boss is... well impossible.
The Pride boss is the second to last boss fight in the game and arguably harder the Calasmos (I didn’t spell that right I know). He does a lot of area damage, can one shot any party member, can do away with your buffs, and to top it all off he gets to summon minions that know Thwack and can literally wipe your entire party. At this point in the game I have the best weapons and every skill for every character (no armor thanks to the Draconian Quests) and there is literally nothing I can do to brute force this boss. I even unlocked the extra skill trees for Hendriks and Sylv which I completely missed my first play through the game.
I am truly stuck on this boss and what I am likely going to be reduced to is having to pep up my entire party then attempt to kill the boss in a few turns before he disruptive waves me. I’ll likely have to grind for pep pips and pops as well so that way I’ll be able to have multiple waves of pep power damage (double ultimate magic burst?)
The worst part is that this boss is also the one thing holding me back from going after Calasmos because in order to get the best weapons in the game you have to beat Pride.
This was originally going to be a post about asking for any suggestions on how to beat this unbeatable boss and it still is (I am open to any and every suggestion if you guys have any). But I also wanted to share my experience with people who may be thinking about going with this challenge. Also there is no “real guide” that I’ve found with full draconian quests active so I’m hoping that this can serve as a miniature guide on what to expect and how to win it over. If you read this far thanks for reading and hopefully I can post an update saying I’ve beaten the game officially with the modifiers on. Thanks!