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TL;DR: Legally psychotic girly man, mostly venting under the impression this cannot be solved. Posted here believing if there is a solution or path forward this sub seemed the most likely to have the mindset/experiences/knowledge to find or have it. With this in mind, the exposition is thick and palpable. I'm a Dyslexic typist. I do not believe I understand grammar enough to promise a readable experience, from what I can understand run-on sentences and sometimes dangling participles are an issue. =^) Key: - The TL;DR first, because this is going to be a LLLOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG one, I'll try and minimize the exposition when I can. Time is an nonrenewable resource and must be spent wisely for greatest effect. - In order to explain the current circumstances and issues, I must breakdown all the factors involved. Attempts for reader convenience to the best of My understanding, have been made, I sincerely apologize for My lack of understanding to provide a more pleasant reading experience. The best I can promise is new thoughts being sorted before typing them, taking the time to find a good place to fit them without breaking anything. - OCD-levels of attention to detail, and legally psychotic from the experimental seizure medications I was on for the first 4 years of My life. I manage by looking at life as a giant MMORPG, while this façade is a major part of My life, it doesn't hold up well to scrutiny. I do welcome such questions, as they allow Me to further develop the world and mechanics, in a manner of speaking. Life is what we make it, and I chose to be a Gamer. - Personal pronouns addressing Myself will be capitalized, mostly out of habit and the inability to switch between and maintain multiple typing styles. The capped letter, for those not familiar, a habit from Domination/submission chat rooms I frequent, though I lack the superiority complex, masochist heart, and usually avoid the more..... hardcore areas of the lifestyle. Any referring to the reader or others in My life, will be expressed as those involved being vanilla or not D/s. - Written under emotional duress, long-standing and deep-seeded suicidal depression, unfortunately this is a real bad episode. I sincerely, regardless of what follows, wish to avoid disrespect, degrading/flaming is not intended or wanted in any way. There is ZERO intention or desire to rub this intellect in anyone's face. I am not trying to boast or gratify Myself in any way shape or form. I wish I could promise the experience you, the reader, deserve. Okay, so I'm hoping that's enough to pass the quality assurance team, if the bots flag this one like most of My posts, all else fails I found an outlet at least. I apologize for the Post Tutorial, but experience has shown I'm more of an acquired taste and best handled with an instruction manual. Most of this is more for Me than any one reading, I will welcome any help, if such a possibility exists. My family tree is a weird one, having such notable figures as the last criminal to be hung at the gallows, or {from what I'm told by those of us that have the time and resources to thoroughly research this stuff, as they are composing a massive family tree record} The Lancasters and Yorks, The Tudors in the War of the Roses for those not familiar. I've even been shown an old Irish nobility crest My family once wore. This leading to a sense of dignity and honor, a passion to be seen as a good and respectable person. Aside from a greater chance of producing Twins, specifically because reasons, we also have a crazy female to male ratio. Having other guys around, let alone a large group in the same house{Usually a holiday exclusive} was not a common occurrence. Most being in a different generation entirely{if not more than one apart}. My mother, only addressed as such for the reader's convenience, had this great life plan to devote herself to parenting and raising children. Deducing 4 years to be the best duration to properly develop a baby's personality and foundation for life, and had factored in the time so when the last was ready to go explore and learn, the next would be born or coming soon. She had 5 children, though took in strays out of what one could easily assume to be the goodness of her heart. Believing motherhood to be the very core of her person it would come so naturally.... all the hard work and actual parenting required to reach such aspirations was not needed at all. I was told that I have dead pathways in My brain, and when the electromagnetic impulses fire over one of 'em, I am thrown into a seizure on the spot. Even had to teach Myself to walk several times before it stuck. The mind is designed to protect itself and can find alternate routes. Though 80s medicine's best outlook was a cloth travel bag stuffed to the brim with pill bottles, and a personal assistant to read and write for Me. It is only through sheer force of will that I have gathered the knowledge and what skills I do have to be an independent citizen of the country. Turning even the English language on its head, when I found I could not write it, the only option left was to learn to draw it. This helping Me to not only write in a way others could read, but assisted in minor things like telling left from right, and understanding the Compass Rose. Though My handwriting not perfect, took time to decipher, and thus I was put on a computer to do all My work. Writing by hand for extended periods of time now is extremely painful. Being unable to develop outwardly led to a lack of basic/intuitive social skills and understanding. FAR behind the other kids in school, many social situations went over My head. This social incompetency has led to, among other things, choices of phrasing or word usage usually observed for purposes I was not aware of when making them habit. Further distancing Myself from the species. While not a fan of the forced recluse life nor understanding there was much of a problem other than it sucked, I was able to occupy Myself quite thoroughly by exploring My mind, poking and prodding into the core of My being and seeing what was waiting. Reading storybooks to pass the time, which was fun cause the authors that did their research and provided credible knowledge helped introduce and provide a basic understanding of things I was not aware existed. Returning to the timeline at hand, growing up was difficult with making interpersonal relationships, a problem I have to this day. This becoming a fear of social situations, not wanting to give the wrong impression, or accidentally say something that rocks the boat too much. A near-crippling fear. Without some blueprint of what to say and what to do, I close-up and marginally participate in what's going on around Me. The things I can do confidently, are usually taken as abrasive, disingenuous, or even scripted. I've even been accused of having zero consideration for others, unable to put Myself into their shoes. But My social incompetence and wealth of intuitive understanding, has helped Me learn to read people a bit too well sometimes, and I do really care. -- < Intermission > -- Where was I? Oh yes, My first friend. I don't recall where or how we'd met, I don't even know her last name and am not entirely confident I recall her first name correctly. We'll just call her Emily. I just have two strong memories that influenced My future forever, and turned the one person that was supposed to be in My corner no matter what, into the object of My oppression and torment. We were living in a series of apartments Foxfire I believe they were called, there was a similar set of buildings beside them called Starfire. My mother was the manager of one set, one of her 6 sisters managed the other set. Me and Emily had snuck into one of the apartments being renovated, walking in through a back window opening. She had brought her Barbie radio, and playing a song from a cassette tape, she taught Me how to slow dance. We danced through a few songs before deciding to go to the nearby park. The other, a more darker memory. She had invited Me to her birthday party, and I was so enthusiastic, I had gone through the trouble of making My bed that day, doing whatever I could, so when it came time to go I was given fond farewells and could enjoy the evening of cake, ice cream and party games. I didn't even care she was a girl{being so used to hanging with My female relatives, this being a bad thing never occurred to Me}, I had a friend that seemed more than a group acquaintance. Fate had other plans. From what bits of closure I could get from My mother, when the conversation went her way and was allowed to continue, My older brother had started some kind of fire and blamed Me. My mother not wanting to stress or cause further harm to him, bought his lie that I did it, and I was forced to stand and help with dishes as punishment. Two hours I stood on a booster stool and rinsed while she literally did everything she could to extend the runtime. Ignoring My pleas to call ahead and explain why I was gonna be late. Needless to type, I missed the party entirely. Emily refused to speak to Me for days. The look her mother gave Me, still hurts to think about a little. When I did get the chance to talk to her, I laid Myself bare explained what happened, and begged for forgiveness. And having got it is a small comfort even now. Shortly after we'd moved out of the state. I never saw or heard from her again. I like to tell Myself, she can still remember My eyes. Its one of the things she liked to do was just stare into My eyes. I believed at the time there was some parental reason, some life lesson I missed. While I continued to respect My mother, I felt I could not trust her, and built a web of lies, so deep she heard nothing out of place from anyone she knew. Having used characters in the stories I read, based off their treatment from other characters. To give the impressions I wanted her to have. Though I didn't understand how or why that treatment was given and probably pulled it off poorly. Though My family had come into the habit of speculating actions and reasoning then guessing. What should have soon become a long list of crimson flags, as they always seemed to hit near or on the mark more than they should have, instead turned into them praising their perceptional skills. Though I resigned Myself to living a lie to survive, it wasn't going to be a difficult one. This continued throughout My life into High School, where I'd grown to love learning, gaming and reading. Which would all come to a head, when I met a friend online and helped manage/add to an incredible text-based DBZ RPG he'd created. The dude was amazing, and being able to manage My character as if I were writing the manga itself almost was an experience I'll take with Me to the end. We had decided to work on a new project, and in an attempt to open communication with My mother. Having come to the understanding of how deprived My young mind was of circumstances going on, felt I owed it to Myself to try and gain some closure as a young adult. Looping her into the project's existence. Because she could not take stairs very well or was mobile much, I took the time to write by hand. Not knowing the world synopsis, to give her an explanation of the game's premise. The only word I could think of to title the single page I painstakingly wrote, so she didn't have to make the stairs to read it, was Prologue. Yep, there went those writer aspirations she had, and instantly grounded Me as a Freshman in high school until she had a full novel to read. Not being 18, there was nothing I could do, or so I believed, and thus unable to do My half of the new game and the book. I kissed My game developer dreams goodbye, and began the worst mistake of My life. To cut corners and ensure it took as little time as possible. Instead of making characters cause that wasn't My role in the game, I based them off people I went to school with even down to getting their permission and preferences. This way I could keep the skills needed for the project intact, and hopefully finish fast enough to return to it. They were all keenly aware of the situation and more than happy to help, each name followed by a paragraph of info I needed to write their characters. Overnight once this list was found, I was dubbed a terrorist, people would cross the street to avoid Me, other kids mocking "Don't shoot". You'd think provoking someone, that an entire city of 3,000 people believe will snap and blow up the school at any time, is a REALLY REALLY stupid idea. But hey, monkeys and typewriters right? My only saving grace, was My desire to learn to be an adult, and thus had taken up the habit of spending some time each morning before school, drinking hot cocoa at the local gas station. This also being the time the police were changing shifts, and would meet up there to hang out. I quickly became a Force Favorite. Knew some of them on a first name basis and roughly how they're lives were going. They took the calls and trying to explain that wasn't Me, but a panicked populace is rarely settled by reason. This small town alienated Me, applying for jobs was fruitless as they knew who I was, and it had been ten years before I was able to move far enough away to outpace the rumors. But by this time My work history was so shoddy and laughable. The prospect of finding work was near impossible. Trial runs at best, to put it all in a more positive light. -- < Intermission > -- It was My love of video games that led to My current life, a life that I poured blood, sweat, and tears into learning to create, and gaming helped. A series called Dark Souls, you might have heard about it. I'd point you to a YouTube video that could go in-depth on Depression and Dark Souls but last I checked it was removed or something. While I got heavy into the game and feel I was pretty decent at it, it was the tactics and skills the game taught Me and others it helped Me hone, that helped many things in life click for Me at once. I began on March 2019, a quest that started with Acorns.com. Using the platform as a piggy bank, and scouring the internet for freebies and odd-jobs I could get paid for. What I could do, via some writing gigs or internet handyman services I could offer. I was able to build up, and motivate Myself by checking up on it monthly. Sure, having something like a $0.50 monthly payment wasn't too much for the average person. But for Me, it was a paycheck, and it was being re-invested by an algorithm and people that knew what they were doing. Or at least knew more than Me. Later that year, in August I'd moved back to My Home state. Having years before found an opening to suggest it to the family, and being homesick those that could go, did. While its been SOOO therapeutic being back home, seeing the Rocky Mountains in all their glory once more, and far closer than I'd ever been as a boy. Most of My troubles vanished, only to be later replaced by some new ones. Cause life is nothing if not consistent. I'd left behind many relatives that either actively sought to cause Me misery, or were driven by lies from trusted sources and saw no other recourse. While the web of lies My mother still believes, mostly struggling with as I've pulled specific lynch pins to potentially unravel it all for her alone. I do say after all this time, I get some enjoyment from her mental torment. Victim's Revenge, you could call it. My first attempt at a job, after two years of studying interviews, applications, and resumes. Ended horribly. The dude scheduled My interview, for a date and time an important company meeting was taking place. To save his hide, he burst in when he heard or saw I was in the building shuffled Me off to the in-store Starbucks. My money's on the lack of cameras there, and proceeded to give Me a full interview. Hitting all the right notes, so I walked out thinking I nailed it. And the entire 30-minute walk home. I did. I was so proud of Myself, all that hard work finally paid off, I could begin planning out expenses and budgeting funds. Then heard nothing back, went to check in and he went from "be right out" to "Too busy leave your number :)". Then the listing I found for the job initially changed to a nightshift job, the ONLY condition I had was dayshift. JUST cause I like having places open to do business on My days off. The change lasted a few days, but it happened and I was brushed off. HQ suggested I talk to HR, but the dude was in HR, said so on his badge. So I continued My Internet sewer rat ways as I called 'em. I tried to contribute to helping around the house, but as usual that led to EVERYONE just dumping whatever I did on Me with no considerations for My being the only one that cared enough to do something. People came to live with us and moved out, probably to cover My living expenses. Which honestly wasn't much I only eat a couple times a day, I take showers every 2 - 3 days cause I have sensitive skin and I've heard showering too much can be bad. I don't ask for much. I tried to compensate for My lack of being able to get a job, by cutting My living expenses on others. The only thing stopping Me from ending My life, was the lack of knowledge of the city and good places to be left to die without interruptions. -- < Intermission > -- Today's world, while awful, was quite the catalyst for My quest. People being inside more, the internet filled with people. I saw old friends, made plenty of new ones. People were buying online services and products more than ever. Due to the mask restrictions, I was able to feel more comfortable in public. Not having to worry about voiceless miscommunication. I was able to be more out there, and confident. One day last year, listening to one of My current roommates talk about his job and how behind they were, thinking there was a good chance he'd be working on Christmas. Single father of 3 good kids, does a pretty good job at parenting too, that didn't seem right. Knowing what he did and where he worked. I knew I could do something about it, if just given the chance. So on a whim, knowing My chances were slim and the work temporary as usual. I walked in and filled out an application. Got an interview soon as I was done, a small tour, and even greenlit for a second interview. They worked with My scheduling issues to find Me a good spot and schedule I could manage. I started before Thanksgiving, and what I walked into blew Me away. I wasn't sitting in a cesspool of drones, mindlessly laboring away for The Man. I found Myself, very quickly, standing and working amongst a dysfunctional community of sorts. All the rules I'd come to know were thrown out the window. To be honest the entire thing began to feel like I'd stepped into the drawings of some anime. Every day feeling like a new adventure. A new episode in the series. Something like Yu-Gi-Oh!, a daily deal with broad seasons. Then came the icing on the cake of this rl manga. A girl. Yep. Just one. Everything about her is amazing. Compassionate, strong-willed. Knows what she wants and goes after it. Her carefree nature and spirit. Her bright smile, that lights up her eyes. Its as if she could have stepped out of an anime! Even if she didn't dye her hair, there would be zero difference. I can tell she's smart and she doesn't mess around when it comes to learning what she needs to know. Follows her heart, while its been tempered from experiences and negative factors in her life. She doesn't let it get her down much. Weathered and strong. She was My superior, and substituting for My Supervisor in the middle of an intense building lockdown due to a case. Having respect for women that I do, I was thrilled and did My best to learn from her all I could. Though it was obvious from day 1 she was out of My league. The more I learned about her only succeeding in increasing that gap, and My admiration for her. A girl like that doesn't go for guys like Me, and My social retardation mixes things up too much to risk anything more. I was content to be a work friend. Being My first direct authority figure at that workplace. I made a point of being able to keep an eye on her. If I had any questions or issues, knowing where My superiors are if nearby is a keen skill to have on the job. My fear of social situations, having helped Me develop ways to length the time between someone needing to come talk to Me for any reason and My noticing their approach. One way is to look past someone and register their silhouette, like an old magic eye puzzle that just gives you this cut out shape of whatever is in the puzzle. Not looking at them, but reading anything blocking My view of the floowall I'm looking at to glean this information. A self-defense mechanism that allows Me to not just register anyone I "scan" out of the corner of My eye. But helps Me low-key keep track of where everyone I work nearby is, and a vague idea of what they're doing to the extent of determining if they will approach Me. In all honesty, the open-community feel to the workplace had inspired Me to try and glean missing social information. Watching certain people that seem to have that info I lack, and like newborns do trying to learn through observation and speculation. Sometimes cause they are usually nearby or I expect regular contact with the person. Sometimes cause certain traits or things stand out. However, not being privy to My social awkwardness/incompetence, My self-defense mechanisms can paint a rather dark picture. While nothing has reached any kind of breaking point, no one talks to Me about it. Granted, in the presence of a potential sexual predator there isn't much that can be done, but being an unwilling social outcast. There's no way to really confirm the suspicions without letting the predator know they are onto 'em. The backlash, being the permanent stain on My reputation to anyone I meet. I did My best to ignore it, after spending a couple days in despair at the coming events. I knew the most likely interpretation of those said defense mechanisms. I knew it was coming, I could feel the stares getting more intense and deeper. People with no valid reason otherwise, were keeping a very close eye on Me. And for about a week and a half I believe, I got to be the center of a clown and pony show, while they experimented with people I was caught scanning. Various types, genders, ages, and sizes. The things they asked women to do to test My preferences was crazy, and I doubt the legality of some of it. But because sexual predator, it was needed. Having surmised the coming storm and how bad it would be, I weathered it as best as I could. Taking from her example, her strength and borrowing it for Myself. The entire time she became My port in the storm, My sense of normalcy in the chaos. I didn't check her out, because I'm not a sexual predator. Not that she isn't attractive. She is quite exquisite. I find Myself wanting to talk about pointless stuff, that requires quite a bit of her verbal input, just for the time to listen to her voice. As opposed to pushing her up against a wall and spending hours exploring and enjoying her physical assets. A very pleasurable thought yes, but not on My to-do list. Over time, I was able to ignore the seductive poses and sensual implications of random questions asked by anyone they thought I showed interest in. Except her. It was FAR too obvious, and thus for a while she simply wasn't around. A choice she couldn't make, because My defense mechanisms had already registered a ton of visual information. During this time, she had obviously noticed My attentions, and decided to test the waters herself. The first time I noticed, is she had decided to wait for My usual scan of the surrounding area, and then when I seemed too busy to be paying attention to anything else. Moved, and as she didn't break her routine, I caught nothing. Only a glimpse of her in My peripheral vision. I assumed she was moving to one of the terminals she uses as part of her job, and knowing her back would be too Me, took the opportunity to steal a glance at her hair. Yep, the prettiest girl in the place I've seen, and I'm not ogling her naughty bits. But as I've mentioned, testing the waters, so rather than a hard-working beautiful woman on the job. I got to find her leaning on a table/cart of some kind not sure what, watching Me directly. It all hit like a ton of bricks. And I fell right into it. Not in the usual way mind you. Looking back to find her gone, and in earnest seeking her out eyes glistening with hope that she didn't need to clock out or whatever.. Nope. I knew what area she was in and what she'd be doing, I had clear line of sight from My station. I looked up at her directly. The look she gave Me was not only priceless, but weighted with the implications of My actions. Being able to point her out anywhere in My visual range, she's even tried hiding behind stuff, but like if I could tell where she was, I usually looked anyway. Not being able to see her wasn't too much of a concern as she was nearby, and looking in her general direction helped. During what I personally dubbed the Arc of Sorrows, cause it was just a cluster!@$&, as I watched My co-workers some I counted as friends be reduced to bait to try and provoke Me. The low opinions of Me are what cut the deepest. Imagining the respect draining from her eyes, seeing her tremble like a cornered rabbit just being near Me. I couldn't stand the thought, and now I'm nearly living it. When I was moved to a new area, out of an expressed desire to learn everything in and about the place I could, I made a point to visit that last area and say hi to the friends I made. Always aiming for a shot to see her, didn't matter if we talked. Long as I could look and see her was all I needed for that fresh "anime feel" to the day. While she is not the cornerstone of the delusional world I call home now, she does make it insanely easy to fall back into it like an old suit. While most of the stares have lessened in intensity, some still get that impression and come close to test the waters. I seriously doubt any have an interest in Me, simply seeing if I can be sexually provoked or tempted. Being an emotionally-driven individual, even that side of Me doesn't respond to emotionless embrace. If she's not into it, I can't be. While I could see Myself easily falling for her, I'm smart enough to know when I'm out of My league and keep My distance. I get to bring My roommate back into the picture soon. We should probably give these two names...Shadava{Met someone with this name, and its as unique as My crush. Perfect fit}. For the roommate, while some fun could be had with the name Richard. He's not a bad guy, and he did/does mean well. So we'll go with Kevin. Its kinda cool I think. Okay, so a daily visit of My old "stomping grounds" became a thing. And not just for Shadava. To visit My former supervisor{ He's pretty cool, Dyslexic like Me but with colors not shapes. I imagine Me and him would be amazing friends, though have a bit of issue, as we use the other's trigger to cancel our own episodes. Yes by this point I expect everyone to have stopped reading and am simply indulging in the outlet to let loose before the bottle shatters.}, and say hi to some friends that were moved to dayshift. I even try and help out, doing all the little maintenance things I couldn't do on the clock as much as I wanted. Emptying trash, sweeping up, stacking supplies, organizing supply shelves. The sexual predator thing makes interacting with people difficult, as even innocent actions are misinterpreted simply for being in the same wheelhouse. And as I don't look at where My eyes are pointing when I scan silhouettes, they have ended up in some inappropriate places. While no one but Shadava caught Me looking more than normal or for not-so-short periods of time, others would notice My looking at the people I did. I imagine some of the women being hired now, are to further explore My preferences, which while having been narrowed down some, is somewhat difficult to do indirectly. -- < Intermission > -- Wellness-check time. I'm not freaking out anymore, being able to fully vent this all out and organize it is helping take a load off My shoulders. I'm able to better compartmentalize it all, sure I've skipped over a lot, branching paths that could have some influence might even shed some light on a few glossed over things but I feel aren't needed. So new area, which means a new Supervisor. Who is actually pretty cool too. Like its unreal the quality of people in this place. We'll call her.... Bethany. Why? I think she's rooting for Me to be honest. Plus Shadava, maybe utilizing some unexpected cosplaying skill, manages to disguise herself and has figured out that I learn to recognize patterns. If she can disrupt hers it makes it more difficult for Me to notice when she's around but not impossible. One of these times Shadava had come through, blending into the crowd, having changed her hair enough to be nearly unrecognizable. Though she'd gotten brave and walked across My path. And her silhouette registered, but there was enough differences to suggest someone else. Bethany being My supervisor, Shadava being friends with Bethany, I believe, decided to show Bethany My unusual prowess. She attempted to walk across the area, still within the crowd of people coming and going. It was really impressive how many people were traversing the walking paths, like extras in a movie. The ingenuity and herd mentality of the Human Race can be amazing sometimes. Though, having spaced how much different she was to Me now, I did happened to notice the first Not Shadava was becoming a bit of a constant in the blur, she was shocked to find zero response from Me. She crossed the area in My peripheral vision several times. Each time a bit more frustrated and confused. Then she stopped halfway and left, coming back with a winter hat, in the the color spectrum she likes to dye her hair. This caught My attention, as all the specs matched. And I looked up to watch her pass, admire her and recall our shared experiences. Most prominently, is the way she just appeared out of thin air one night. Maybe its the long time being alone and socially isolated due to fear and misconceptions. Or maybe its the magical way in which she embraces life. But from what information I am able to glean from observational skills and developed intuition. Much like the BBC's Sherlock Holmes series, where Benedict Cumberbatch can isolate just about anything from minute details. I've come to greatly admire and respect her. I can admit to Myself, I have a crush on her and accept the hand I was dealt. As something that's been/being tried. Is girls of her body type obstructing the walking paths, cutting out of the crowd-routine and onto My radar. At first a couple matched what I had. or were close enough to fool My Dyslexia into registering as her for a moment. Though once they are confirmed to be someone else entirely, I am able to filter them off the radar even when walking a few feet beside where I work. While the sexual predator thing is fading, I imagine some are convinced I'm asexual. I've got a whole new bag of scorpions to deal with. What about Kevin? Yeah, kinda spaced that one didn't I? Pretty sure even the most interested/invested individuals have stopped and moved on. From here on out is just expression of Self. To drone on in hopes I can compartmentalize enough to make a stable shift on Monday So, father of 3, good work ethic, willing to help out providing he's given the right respect from whose asking. Like everyone else, not a fan of getting his information from Me directly. No laid out concerns or issues to discuss and straighten out between us. No, instead his sources are My mother and sister. Yes another person, but this one nameless. Like mother like daughter as they say. Both too proud to admit they don't know anything, or have some strong desire for people to see them as they want to be seen, with zero concern for the methods used. You guessed it, bold, smiling-faced, lies when they didn't have the truth. Plausible and easily confirmed through observation. The pattern being that everyone brought in, walks away feeling no need to discuss anything with Me. Everyone's demeanor and treatment of Me goes south. Fast. Ironically, having gotten to know this intriguing but child-built web of lies. Is under the impression{Even with subtle hints and direct comments to the latter}, that he and I are perfectly in sync. Now Kevin's role in this $#!^storm, is wanting to help and like see Me succeed. I tell Myself that anyway, as I can find no reason to think he'd be actively tearing down My progress. He does seem focused on making Me see what he sees in Me. He'd also been moved to Shadava's area, and at first it was fine. Until one day the two were resolving an issue during My daily visit. I was semi-part of the conversation, learning what I could from the experience, sure stealing glances Shadava's way. I'm sure he picked up on that right away, having lived through My scanning period and noticed it was just a phase and it happens to everyone, but he knew I used to work there. So Shadava would have been past that phase as well. And decided to throw out that he is My brother-in-law. Though My sister and his brother have only been together for three years and aren't married to My knowledge, just like to imagine they have been. In Kevin's Defense, I'm sure he was hoping to help Me get laid at least. I can't be mad at him for it, but the propane he threw onto this fire.... Naturally, Shadava having shown some interest, even in situations I've not mentioned. The prospect of talking to a family member, is not a chance a girl with a strong crush passes up. Right ladies? So of course, 1 plus 1 makes 11 and the event that shattered My entire weekend came and went, without My even registering the possibility at the time. My former Supervisor, politely canceling the weekend drink/hangout we'd arranged, when I was texting him to discuss what we even felt up to doing. We didn't even really decide what to do. It was originally an offer of drinks, to hang out some, and then I broadened the spectrum adding lunch or whatever. Just wanting to be friends, as I've got none irl anymore. The last I saw Shadava, felt like she tried to ghost Me. Waving when I said hi, almost like I was being brushed off. Rather than slowing down so My brisk walk could close the gap and enjoy what I can manage in the area of small talk. It's difficult to get up the courage to talk to her. She's so amazing, and just so beautiful. I used to be afraid I'd misstep and not live up to the Man she saw in Me. There's small comfort in the fact it wasn't Me that did it. I haven't lost hope though, to be honest having to think about her hurts more than I expected, and wanting to end on a positive note. I could see how conflicted Shadava is, how she struggles to listen to her heart and her instincts. Against the web of lies, barely holding together, and countered by things she has seen and experienced personally. She has a tough road ahead of her, and as much as I would give up the privilege of seeing her smile to ensure she always remembers how, there is nothing I can give to help her through the turbulence ahead. I can only hope its not I that breaks her spirit, even indirectly. The wave, some kind of response, I see as a sign that her interest has not entirely faded, though she has probably cried over what Kevin felt so proud to reveal. While I only have theories, none of them are positive and cannot be with the foundation behind whatever was said. It gives Me hope that truth will prevail, and she's still seeking answers. I don't know the questions, but being Myself. I will eventually manage to answer enough to win back her respect and without any of My personal luck involved. I might even get the chance to answer the rest of her questions. Its all I got to hold onto now. Will she ever know how much of an anchor she has become in My darkest hour? No, probably not. Now that I've vented and feel somewhat in control, I'll go find something else to distract Myself further. Let you good people get back to your lives. If anyone made it to the end, I do apologize for any frustration I've caused. Non-negative feedback will receive an upvote for your troubles, though I don't participate enough on this site to consider Myself part of it. Its nice to have an anonymous outlet to ask for help. Thank you all Stay safe and sane out there!
So 2020 was a bit of a dumpster fire. And by a bit, I mean a giant, steaming shitshow. But I got through a bunch of products, so yay? Per my usual, the following is a lengthy af list of products that I used or destashed, complete with notations unfit for human consumption, generally sweary thoughts, and rather crap formatting. Some of my 20 in 2020 pan list are included in this breakdown, but a full recap post on that adventure will be coming shortly. tldr: 78 haiskin/perfume/cosmetic products used/destashed, minus a midsummer destashing session that I forgot to document. Huda Beauty Kayali Vanilla|28 (Sample) Impressions: This is a nice, warm vanilla fragrance. Its pleasant (and oddly the same scent) at initial application and dried down. If you could get rid of that slightly chemical scent in VS Amber Romance, it would be this perfume. Wear time on me is about 4 hours. Easily wearable in most situations, unlikely to offend anyone’s nose. Weirdly, my sample is purple, but the stock image on Sephora is pale pink and it isn’t that old…. Repurchase: $85 for 50mL for glorified VS Amber Romance? Fuck outta here…. CORSX Acne Pimple Master Patch 24 count (KB) Impressions: I love these lil guys. Super handy to have around for hormonal acne flares. They stay on my face throughout the night, which is impressive given that I’m a restless sleeper. Repurchase: Definitely The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Celebrate Me Time Sheet Mask (LE) (KB) Impressions: The cuteness of this is adorable. The mask is printed with HK’s signature bow and cute accents. Pleasantly watermelon/sugary scented, well moistened mask. Does this do anything outstanding? No. Repurchase: Also no. But it was a nice 20 minute experience that made my skin happy. L’ador Tea Tree Scalp Clinic Hair Pack (KB) Impressions: This is the loveliest thing for getting rid of dry winter flakes and deep cleaning from summer product scalp buildup, especially when used with a shampoo brush. My husband even likes it for his scalp psoriasis. My only gripe is that I have yet to find a US vendor for this. Shipping from South Korea takes a small eternity. First world problems, I know. I just have to remember to order multiples at a time. {ed. note, this now is available from a US vendor (sokoglam.com) at a slightly higher price point. Score!} Repurchase: Definitely BH Cosmetics Stellar Lash (DS) Impressions: I love this mascara. Its like TF’s BTS’ nicer, older sister. Similar performance, but not as heavy or gloopy. Brushes are similar, but I think SL’s is a bit smaller. The bottle stopper is much more proportionate to the brush head as you don’t get metric tons of product on the wand like you do with BTS. Repurchase: Yes. I’ve got a full size of this mascara on my 20 in 20 pan list as well. The Doux One Love Co-Wash Impressions: I’m sure at one point in time I liked this product because it didn’t immediately get binned. However, at the time of review I’m trying to recover from some hair fuckery due to an incompetent stylist so I’m super salty about everything. At the moment, I like exactly three things about this product. 1) The packaging 2) The pale pink color 3) The fact that this bitch empty and gets to be yeeted into the recycling bin. Partial credit for being available at my local Target. Repurchase: No. {ed. note, I am rethinking my position on repurchasing this. I think it would be lovely for wintertime when I’m not sweating as much. I am also mostly recovered from the hair fuckery.} Shea Moisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Conditioner Impressions: I really like this whole line. The smell is incredible. The conditioner is thick without being too difficult to work with. Absorbs nicely into the hair. Good balance between moisture and protein. This is too heavy for my hair as a regular conditioner. I use it as a deep conditioner once or twice a month. This seems to be the sweet spot. Repurchase: Yes The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Complete Cleansing Makeup Wipes (LE) (KB) Impressions: Husband and I were out of the country visiting relatives over the Christmas holiday. I didn’t want to bring the full arsenal of cleansing products (and I wasn’t planning on wearing much makeup anyhow) so I picked these up. No lie, I was surprised how much I like these. The strawberry rosé scent is really nice and they did a good job of removing makeup without stripping my skin or stinging my eyes. Each wipe was moist and the compact packaging (great for travel!) had a nice locking lid, in addition to the interior sticker seal. Repurchase: Probably not. These are LE and I really only purchase wipes for travel purposes. If these are still around the next time I travel, then I would definitely repurchase. If they’re gone by then, I would likely purchase something comparable from the same brand. Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb in Glow Impressions: This is quite possibly my favorite lip gloss ever. I rave about it to anyone and everyone who asks about it. Repurchase: Yes. The next purchase will likely be in another shade, but I can always count on Glow. Maybelline Fit Me Matte + Poreless Foundation, 228 Soft Tan Impressions: There’s nothing really *wrong* with this foundation, though I would have to say the “poreless” is a lie. But maybe that’s just me. I get good wear time out of this and it is fairly lightweight. Decent coverage, though I’m not a fan of how it looks built up. I’m tossing this because it is way too dark; at least two shades too dark while wet and between three and four shades once dry. Its also pretty old; I bought it when I was living in Hawaii and I haven’t lived there for a few years. Repurchase: Probably not. Its fine, but there are other foundations that I like better (with better shade ranges) that I would rather wear. Too Faced Cocoa Powder Foundation, Medium Impressions: I love this. It is everything I ever wanted in a powder foundation. In a compact. Has a nice sponge (crap sponges are a pet peeve). Applies nicely with said sponge or with a brush. Lightly scented. Good coverage. Behaves itself as a standalone or as a light helper to BB creams. I finally panned this one (which took ages) and I’ve got one more in backup. Repurchase: Sadly, no. This has gone the way of the dodo, like so many of the products us Old Bats love. I’m contemplating TF’s Born This Way Powder as a substitute, but the mixed reviews give me some concern. I have plenty of setting powders to get through before I buy another powder foundation, plus I’ve had my eye on RCMA’s colorless powder for a while. LA Girl Pro Conceal HD Concealer, Medium Beige Impressions: I used to like this. I really did. But, not any more. My skin (specifically, my Old Bat under eyes) cannot take thick cosmetics anymore. While playing with some application techniques & cocktails to thin the product out, I came to the realization that this it also completely the wrong shade & undertone for my skin now. I have been victimized by my own shitty lighting. {ed. note: I suspect my skin tone changes are due to a combination of winter-induced paleness and some sneaky lightening ingredients in current skincare regimen. Will investigate further.} I had a decent amount of product left, but it had been open for a while and the formula was starting to change a bit. I decided that money wasted is still wasted, regardless of if it sits in my stash or in the trash. Since I hate clutter, in the bin it went. I don’t miss it. Repurchase: No, unless it is for Halloween/costume party related purposes. You can’t beat the coverage or shade range for the price. IPKN Moist & Firm BB Cream, Medium (KB) Impressions: I like the SPF. I like the scent. Applies nicely and has good coverage. I get decent wear time out of this. However, it oxidizes like a mfer. Doesn’t matter what primer I use, doesn’t matter if I freshly wash my face right before application, setting powder, no setting powder, primer vs no primer, it oxidizes. Which is a shame because its a pretty good color match at initial application. But within an hour its two shades too dark and orange. I’ve had success combating that with mixing in blue color corrector, however *insert ain’t nobody got time for that meme here*. It might just be too moisturizing for my skin. Repurchase: No, which is super disappointing. Back on the hunt I go. Elizabeth Arden My Fifth Avenue (DS) Impressions: This is one of the most generic smelling perfumes I’ve ever tried. Lasts maybe 2 hours on my skin, which is just sad. I get absolutely no citrus (which is supposed to be a top note), just a vague, generic floral, and a hint of musk. It isn’t offensive by any means, its just….there. It is quite light and would be a nice summer option, but this is definitely not for me. Repurchase: No Wet N Wild Photofocus Stick Foundation, Classic Beige Impressions: I'm sure this is a great formulation for someone. I am not that person. This did nothing for me. Emphasized all my texture/pores/fine lines. Just sat on my skin. Amazingly, it looks even worse on camera. I swear I look 10 years older wearing this. This bad boy gets yeeted into the trash with zero regrets. Repurchase: Hard no. LA Girl Slim Shady, Darkest Brown Impressions: I fucking love this thing. Its cheap. Doesn’t have funky undertones. Is pigmented. Its retractable. Can be blended easily, but doesn’t melt off as soon as you look at it. It even has a nice spoolie. Repurchase: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Celebrate Whipped Cacao Hand Cream (LE) (KB) x3 Impressions: This is a nice lil hand cream to keep at my desk or in my purse. It isn’t strong enough to bring my skin back from full on lizard status, but its fine for restoring moisture after washing my hands. It absorbs fairly quickly. The scent is not obnoxiously heavy and fades pretty quickly. Basically, there’s nothing special about this Repurchase: This is a LE product, so its no longer available. However, if if it weren’t LE I don’t think I would repurchase Chapstick Lipbalm, Spearmint Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. Except for the (very faint) mint flavoscent, I enjoyed nothing about this. Too waxy. Not moisturizing. Repurchase: God no Hourglass Mineral Veil Primer (mini) Impressions: I enjoy just about everything this primer offers, except for the pump. When you get about halfway through the bottle, it just turns into this leaky, gloopy shitshow. It doesn’t impact the primer’s performance, but greatly decreases my desire to use it. Repurchase: Maybe. If the alleged NYX dupe is comparable, then probably not. But I do like it enough to for it to be a repeat contender. Colourpop Brow Boss Gel, Clear Impressions: This is a nice lil’ gel. Has good hold, dries down matte. Plays nicely with every product I’ve thrown at it. Even works pretty well as a primer. It even has a good price point. Repurchase: Maybe. I’m currently wearing my brows pretty short and filling them in with ABH brow gel [I find it easier to work with than Dip Brow] , so I don’t have a current need for a clear product. However, if that changes I would likely repurchase. L’Oréal Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation, Natural Beige Impressions: Pretty decent color match. Decent amount of glow without veering into glitter. Plays nicely with most primers I’ve tried it with, but it does not like the Hourglass Mineral Veil; I put those two together and Hello! Texture City. I get decent wear time. The packaging says that this is medium coverage and I would mostly agree, but it can get cakey quickly. I do like that I can sheer this out with a face serum pretty easily. Repurchase: Maybe? I’m not mad at it. It performs better than some prestige brands I’ve tried. I’ve got a few other foundations to get through in my stash and a couple on my post no-buy list to try out. As long as they don’t change the formula, I wouldn’t mind going back to this. Mario Badescu Facial Spray (Aloe, Chamomile, & Lavender) Impressions: This does absolutely nothing for my skin. It smells lovely though. And its a very pretty shade of purple that complements the packaging. Those are literally the only redeeming things I can identify. Repurchase: Hard no. The Body Shop Shea Nourishing Body Butter Impressions: This is good in the drier winter months and is great for year-round application to feet and elbows. However, it is too damn heavy for the rest of my body in the warm, humid months. Repurchase: Probably not. I like the coconut one better. I’ve also learned that I only need to have one of these on hand at any time since I’m shit at remembering to apply moisturizer to my body. Love Beauty and Planet Coconut Water & Mimosa Flower Lucious Hydration Hand Lotion Impressions: This is, quite possibly, one of my favorite hand lotions ever. I love the scent. I love the quick absorption time. I love the scent. I love the lack of greasy residue. Did I mention I love the scent? Because I do. I want everything in my house to smell like this, always. Repurchase: Yes Wet N Wild Megaslim Skinny Tip Eyeliner Impressions: The eyeliner itself is okay. I’ve tried two skinny/micro liquid liners and have come to the realization that they’re just not for me. It likely has to do with my eye shape (hooded, close-set, AND deep-set) I binned this because I literally can’t remember when I opened it and I have this thing about liquid liners being open for extended periods of time. I’m pretty sure I opened it before Mr. Lew and I started house hunting and that was early 2019. Repurchase: No. I have this crazy idea that I want to give the Tarte Amazonian Clay liner (in the tube) a chance again. Or just suck it up and stick to pencil liners. The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Pink Water Creme Ultra Dewy Face Cream (LE) (KB) Impressions: I really like this, but I don’t think its quite moisturizing enough for my winter skin. Its a very light, slippery texture. Absorbs fairly quickly into the skin without being too sticky. Really nice watermelon (?) scent that isn’t overpowering. Nice, heavy packaging. Doubles nicely as a lightweight hand cream. Repurchase: Sadly, no. This was a Winter Holiday LE release. I very much liked this formula and would be open to buying something comparable from the brand for summer months. [Ed. Note: This is back in stock on Creme Shop’s website as of 22 October 20, so I may acquire myself a jar to help combat the Differin-induced dryness & flaking that is my skin rn] NYX Lip Lingerie, Exotic Impressions: I like the color (a richer sort of MLBB) and the coverage, but it drives me crazy that this never dries down. I don’t mind a little bit of tackiness, but this constantly feels wet and sticky. Repurchase: No. There are other liquid lip formulas (Colourpop, NARS Powermatte) that I like much better. Girl + Hair Under Hair Care Protective Restoring Balm Impressions: I bought this with the intention of using it to keep my hair & scalp moisturized when I started wearing more protective styles aside from the Curly BunTM. I had the brilliant idea that I would do my own box braids. Utter. Fucking. Fail. As is this product. Like a lot of products geared towards “natural” hair, this is much too heavy for my fine AF hair. Two days after putting a SMALL amount on my scalp, I was still a greasy betch. I love the packaging (squeeze nozzles ftw!) and the scent is pretty nice. Repurchase: I like the idea of this product, but ultimately its a no from me. I am interested in trying out other products from this company though. Blueberry Bliss Control Paste Impressions: I bought this on the recommendation of one of my favorite natural hair YouTubers. I don’t particularly care for the scent. Its definitely fruity and sweet, but not that I would immediately identify as blueberry. This does a great job at adding shine, an okay job at controlling the frizz halo, and a shit job at holding my edges. Additionally, something in this strongly disagrees with my scalp. I’ve used it about a dozen times and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. my scalp gets dry and itchy af and flaky. Repurchase: Hard no. Chapstick Lipbalm, Strawberry Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. Except for the (very faint) berry flavoscent, I enjoyed nothing about this. Too waxy. Not moisturizing. Repurchase: Nope Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Water Flowers & Sea Salt x2 Impressions: This is a great lil hand cream in a lovely scent. Absorbs pretty quickly. Nicely moisturizing. Does a good job of holding off handwashing-induced lizard skin. This is another one of those scents where I would not object to ALL THE THINGS smelling like. Repurchase: Yup The Creme Shop x Hello Kitty Lip Balm, Winter Apple Pie (LE) (KB) Impressions: The packaging is adorable (pink macaron shaped pot) and that’s about all I like. The scent is okay, but I would never in a million years identify this as apple pie. Or an apple. Or anything apple-adjacent. There is no artificial flavor, but the taste of the actual balm is no bueno. It isn’t particularly moisturizing and has a tendency to just sit on top of your lips, never really absorbing in. It might be useful as a sleeping pack, but the thick, waxy nature of the balm is pretty off-putting and challenging to work with. I may keep the container to use for decanting purposes or travel purposes IF THIS FUCKING PANDEMIC WILL EVER END. Repurchase: No. This was a Winter Holiday LE product. Even if it was in their regular catalog, I wouldn’t buy this again. Essence Melted Chrome Liquid Lipstick, Copper Dropper Impressions: This is really nice packaging, particularly for a budget brand. The tube feels substantial. The wand handle matches (mostly) the lipstick shade and a good chunk of the tube is transparent so you can see how much product you have remaining. I will never, ever pan this because this lipstick gives me the WORST case of butthole lips. I don’t even like metallic lipstick, let alone metallic liquid lipstick. WTF even was I thinking. That said, the wear time is pretty good. Repurchase: God no. NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream, Copenhagen Impressions: I fucking love this lip cream, but damn if this shade isn’t a pain in the ass to get even. Even with matching lipliner, I still can’t get an even coat. Which is super frustrating because I love dark berry/goth-adjacent lipsticks. Repurchase: Product yes, shade no Taliah Waajid Protective Styles Bamboo, Biotin & Basil Restoring Serum Impressions: I love this as a scalp treatment, either in conjunction with a deep conditioner or on its own. I’m not sure if it actually does anything for promoting hair growth, but it does make my scalp feel nice. Repurchase: God I would love to. This particular product has either been discontinued or reformulated into another product. The original formulation (of dubious age/authenticity) is still available on Amazon, but at a ridonkulous markup. I may try the new version once I make a dent in the current inventory. Creme of Nature Sulfate-Free Moisture & Shine Shampoo with Argan Oil Impressions: For a sulfate-free shampoo, this produces a surprising amount of lather. I love the smell; spicy and exotic and warm. Kind of reminds me of Dior Hypnotic Poison. Cleanses well and does provide a decent amount of shine. Strangely helps with detangling. One of my faves. Repurchase: Hell yes. CARE:NEL Special Lip Care Lip Sleeping Mask (KB) Impressions: Got this on Amazon as a dupe for the OG Laneige lip mask. This came in a three pack and I *think* this is the last one. The product is nice and thick and lasts most of the night. The mask (balm? goo?) is slightly sweet-scented, but not aggressively so. Repurchase: Maybe? I don’t think this is functionally different than Lanolips, but it is a good product that does work well. Carol’s Daughter Almond Milk Leave-In Conditioner Impressions: This has a ridiculously strong almond smell at first application, though it mellow out fairly quickly. This made my hair crunchy as shit. I don’t know what moisturizing properties it was supposed to have, but my bottle clearly missed out on them. The sprayer is nice though. Repurchase: Hard no. Neutrogena Triple Moisture Deep Recovery Hair Mask x2 Impressions: Like most Neutrogena products, I love the way this smells. This is a really nice drugstore deep conditioner. Actually does what it says on the label. My biggest gripe is that, at only six ounces, I go through this way too fast because of the ridiculous amount of hair I have. Repurchase: Probably Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Mist (KB) Impressions: There is something in this (pretty sure its the fermented yeast) that my skin loooooooves. Very faint smell, good sized bottle, gloriously fine spray. If I can ever figure out how to get the top off, I’ll likely decant my setting spray into it. Repurchase: Hard yes Missha Time Revolution Clear Toner (KB) Impressions: I can’t nail down what it is about this product that works so well with my skin. It doesn’t seem to do anything special at first appearance, but I can tell when its presence is lacking in my routine. Maybe its the fermented yeast, might be the gentle AHAs/BHAs, but whatever it is, I love it. Repurchase: Yes Creme of Nature Intensive Conditioning Treatment with Argan Oil Impressions: This entire product line is one of the best smelling things I’ve ever put on my body. This conditioner is a little weird. Too rich for a regular conditioner, not quite rich enough for a full on deep conditioner. I haven’t tried leaving this on overnight, but 15-30 minutes (my hair is dry AF, don’t judge me) is about right for a nice little pick me up. If CoN ever decides to branch out and put out body care scented like this, it will be the the only body wash I used forever and ever, amen. Repurchase: Hard yes Dionis Goat Milk Hand Cream, Vanilla Bean Impressions: Like the other scent in this product line I’ve tried, I love this cream. It is hydrating and absorbs quickly. However, there is something in this scent’s fragrance that wants to stab me in my frontal lobe. Its sweet and vanilla-y, but there is another note (vaguely cinnamon-adjacent) that is just too damn much. Oddly, that note isn’t present in the vanilla bean lip balm, which I love. It took me a couple times to realize that using this hand cream was almost guaranteed to give me a low-level migraine, so I gifted it to Mom, who finished it in like a week. Repurchase: Product, yes. Scent, no. Colourpop Ultra Glossy Lip, Free Spirit (LE) Impressions: I’ve been looking for a dupe for an early 00s L’Oréal lip gloss (that was this glorious, mostly opaque caramel) for the better part of a decade. To date, I am still stymied in my search because this gloss ain’t it. The packaging is cute and the gloss itself is okay, but doesn’t last for shit. The color, which seems quite opaque in the tube, but is utterly invisible on my lips. The brush turned into an angry hedgehog within about a month of use, which has never happened with other CP glosses. In short, a total fail. Whomp. Repurchase: No. This shade was part of the LE Frozen II collection. Even if it wasn’t, I still wouldn’t repurchase this. COSRX Advanced Snail 92 All in one Cream (KB) Impressions: This bad boy has never failed me. High concentration of snail mucus, which my skin loves. Pleasant smell. Reasonable price, if you don’t buy from Ulta. Easily sourced at multiple US-based vendors. Hella sticky though. Repurchase: Yes, once I make a dent in my utterly ridiculous skincare stash Skinfood Peachy Jelly Soothing Gel 90 (KB) Impressions: This smells like a peach jolly rancher. I fucking love that. Lightweight, which is great for the hot & humid South. This will not fix Winter Lizard Skin, but it is great for healthy skin barriers that need some gentle love. I prefer to use this on my body post-shower, but it is also nice as a sleeping pack or to chill skin out that has had too many actives on it. Absorbs fairly quickly, but can get sticky if you go ham on application. 8/10. Would recommend. Bonus tip! Keep this bad boy in the fridge for a delightful cooling experience. Repurchase: Yes, but I’m not sure if its still available. The packaging says it is LE, but its still in stock at Skinfood’s website. Ulta (my original sale point) no longer carries it, so who knows. If I can repurchase, I will. I have several backups of this and the Aloe, which I kind of want to try on my hair… Clinique Take the Day off Cleansing Balm (travel size) Impressions: This was a desperation purchase. I needed a small, balm/solid cleanser to take with me last Winter Holiday to go in my carryon as the husband and I were travelling overseas. This was the only thing I could find in the timeframe I had that was small enough to meet my needs, that was NOT a bar of soap. This is very effective at taking makeup off. Its also effective at trashing my skin. I ended up hate panning it when I ran out of my beloved Heimish and everywhere was out of stock thanks to Ms. Rona. At this point, I’m permanently swearing off all Clinique products except Black Honey. Repurchase: Hard no Bobbi Brown Vitamin Enriched Face Base (DS) Impressions: This is nice. Hydrating without making me oily. Plays nicely on its own and with most of my foundations. Doesn’t break me out. Thick, without being too heavy. HOWEVER. Baby girl smells like Lemon Pledge and that shit lingers. I can honestly say that I’ve never had a cosmetic smell like a household cleaner before so….. Repurchase: Maybe. I’m not mad at it, but I don’t know if I love it enough to get over the Lemon Pledge smell. Morphe Continuous Setting Mist Impressions: I was on the fence about repurchasing this last year (this is one of my backups) and I’m still on the fence about repurchasing because I find the brand to be somewhat problematic and some of their partnerships to be very problematic. However, some of their products are really great. Like this mist. Its still one of the best I’ve ever tried. I’m still open to looking for something comparable, but the aerosolized mist is just *chef’s kiss*. Ethical consumption in capitalism is such a bitch. Repurchase: ? ***pretend there are detailed reviews of the big ass box of hair & makeup products that I destashed but couldn’t be bothered to document, mmmkay?*** The Ordinary Natural Moisturizing Factors + HA Impressions: I bought this on a whim after reading some promising reviews on Reddit. I also needed something that could travel with me as Mr. Lew and I were traveling for 2019 Winter Holiday. I kind of liked it at the time, but not so much anymore. I think I liked it because it was winter (cold) and I was in the mountains (dry air). Upon returning to warm & humid Florida, this doesn’t seem to do anything for me. I’ve struggled to use this as a face moisturizer, hand cream, and body lotion. I’m giving up. Repurchase: No, unless I’m traveling again and need something to get me through for a few days. The Creme Shop x gudetama Gold Peel-Off Mask for Nose (LE) (KB) Impressions: I suspected this would be crap when I bought it, but I was hopeful as I liked other LE offerings from this brand. I was sadly disappointed. This took forever to dry and barely did anything to my skin. Its got a pleasant smell and is a lovely shade of gold. That’s about it. Repurchase: No Bioderma Atoderm Ultra-Moisturizing Lip Balm Impressions: I picked this up on the recommendation of a fellow MUACJ Redditor and HOLY SHIT! This is one of the best lip balms I’ve ever used. Which is somewhat baffling because there is nothing revolutionary about the ingredients. But somehow, these French wizards hit one out of the park. Lightweight, but moisturizing. Not sticky. No flavor. Weirdly, vaguely smells like blue raspberry. But it somehow works. The only thing I’m slightly salty about is how quickly I’ve gone through the tube. Repurchase: Hell yes Mizon Original Skin Energy Collagen 100 ampoule (KB) Impressions: I think I like this. And I think it works, but I’ve been really inconsistent about using it so its hard to tell. I generally like Mizon ampoules and find they absorb rather quickly. They make my preferred HA. Repurchase: One more time to actually see if it does anything of note. Sixteen92 Super Natural Hair Serum, Malum Malus (DS) Impressions: I received this as a DS with the Fall (Halloween? Falloween? IDK) 2019 CAoS set I purchased. Malum Malus is my favorite scent in that line and the fragrance lasts a long time without being overpowering. The serum itself is a bit thicker than I’m used to, but is okay. Repurchase: Probably not, unless I just *really* fell in love with a scent and needed to wrap myself in it. I have other serums that I prefer and am much more likely to repurchase Shea Moisture Mongongo & Hemp Seed Oils High Porosity Moisture Correct Masque Impressions: I really love this. It provides such a moisture injection to my hair in addition to the protein my high porosity hair needs. Nice and thick. Great smell. Really needs a cap to absorb into the hair Repurchase: Hell yes. The Ordinary Azelaic Acid Suspension 10% Impressions: I kind of like this and can tell it has had an improvement in my hyperpigmentation and uneven skin tone. However, it hasn’t done much for my texture and has minimally improved brightness. Its cheap and doesn’t irritate my skin. I’m not wild about the dimethicone, but it isn’t a deal breaker. Repurchase: Maybe once more. I’m incorporating more Vitamin C products in my routine to address the lack of brightness. If those work well, then I likely won’t repurchase. Hask Cactus Water Prickly Pear See Oil 5-in-1 Leave in Spray Impressions: Got this for my mom, who ended up not liking it that much. This plays surprisingly well with my hair. It conditions without being heavy and is sort of okay at managing the frizz halo. I detangle in the shower so I can’t really say whether this does anything for that. The scent is quite lovely and the mist is nice & fine. Repurchase: Definitely Design Essentials Natural Almond & Avocado Moisturizing & Detangling Sulfate Free Shampoo Impressions: I’m not mad at this. Easily accessible, reasonable price point. Does moisturize. Not as detangling as the CoN Argan Oil but does have a bit of slip to it. The scent is not my favorite, but it doesn’t linger so I’m not going to hold that against it. It does its job and does it fine; I’m just not wowed by it. Admittedly, I don’t think I’ve ever been wowed by a shampoo so I might be expecting too damn much. Repurchase: Maybe one more time to see if I really like it. Majestic Pure Cosmeceuticals Rosehip Oil Impressions: I like this, but struggle to use it in warmer months. Its great for the winter and plays nicely with my skin, hair, and cuticles. It is too heavy to use as an allover scalp treatment, but is good for the occasional dry patch. Repurchase: In a smaller container, for sure. This 4 ounce bottle took me ages to get through and it went off before I could get more than halfway through. The Ordinary Marine Hyaluronics Impression: I don’t care for this. It does nothing worthwhile for my skin. Fell for the Reddit hype. I’m definitely going back to my KB HA. Repurchase: No Too Cool For School Rules of Mastic IX Cream (KB) Impression: I’m not mad at this. It has a lovely smell, is quite thick, and nicely moisturizes my skin. This is great at bringing back winter lizard skin, but its a bit too much for non-winter facial skin. My mom quite enjoys it as a hand cream, but its too strongly scented for her face. Repurchase: Maybe? I’m still on the fence. Creme of Nature Pure Honey Moisturizing Dry Defense Conditioner Impression: This conditioner is the shit. Its got slip, a nice scent, wallet-friendly price, bottle that fits nicely in my hand, and provides delicious, delicious moisture. Repurchase: Hell yes Shea Moisture Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen & Restore Treatment Masque Impression: I genuinely adore this masque. I love the scent. I love the way it makes my hair feel afterwards. My only gripes are pretty minimal; I wish it was slightly less thick (its kind of hard to spread in my hair) and had a smidge more slip. Repurchase: Yes Sunday Riley Good Genes Impression: I used to love this and then they went and reformulated it. And now I’m not sure how I feel about the new new. I don’t think its as strong as it used to be, but that may be a factor of my super inconsistent usage. I like that its vacuum sealed and the product itself is protected from light. I’m not the biggest fan of the scent, but it isn’t nearly as aggressive as the Bobbi Brown vitamin face base that reeks of Pledge. Repurchase: I’m reserving judgement on this. I want to buy this one more time, consistently use it, then make a final decision. {ed. note: upon further reflection, I will not be repurchasing this} Fanofi Micro-Needle Soothing Patch (KB) Impressions: These are delightful for taming the occasional hormonal cystic acne. Repurchase: Yes Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Sea Treasures Impressions: This is a great lil hand cream in a lovely scent. Absorbs pretty quickly. Nicely moisturizing. Does a good job of holding off handwashing-induced lizard skin. This is another one of those scents where I would not object to ALL THE THINGS smelling like. Repurchase: Yup Physician’s Formula Healthy Lip Liquid Lipstick, Vitamin Beet Impressions: I got this several years ago in a vault that was heavily on sale. This is the last of the remaining tubes. The lipstick itself is okay, nothing revolutionary. I enjoy the triangle-shaped (tulip?) applicator. I hate this color and have absolutely no intention of ever wearing it. Repurchase: Nope NARS Powermatte Lip Pigment, American Woman (DS) Impressions: I genuinely like this formula. The application is a bit finicky due to how close the cap is to the doe foot, but I’m not going to hold that against it as this is a DS. The color is perfectly fine, a pinkish-brown MLBB shade. However, I own approximately 25 products this color and its time to destash. Repurchase: Formula yes, color no. Sephora gloss, Lady Luck Impressions: Ever met a person and then immediately forgot everything about them because they’re so bland? That’s this gloss. The color is pretty in the tube. The packaging is nice. And that’s about it. Repurchase: No. Its nothing against the product itself, but it doesn’t spark joy. Lime Crime Velvetine, Beet It (GWP) Impressions: Got this as a gift with purchase from a Postmark order. Repurchase: Nope Lanolips Hydrating Lip Luminiser, Beach Pop Impressions: I bought this in the hopes that it would be as awesome as their multipurpose balm. I was sadly, sadly disappointed. I like absolutely nothing about this product except the color. It smells horrible, tastes worse, and is stupidly thick. Repurchase: No Lanolips Hydrating Lip Luminiser, Desert Glow Impressions: See above Repurchase: No The Ordinary Buffet Impressions: I honestly couldn’t tell you if this did anything for my skin. It was hella sticky though and didn’t sting, so it has that working in its favor. Repurchase: No Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab Aelopile (imp) Impressions: Scent description from website: Glowing amber and citrus, labdanum, verbena, cedar, and oud. I definitely get amber, some verbena, and oud. This wears warm and spicy on me, but not aggressively so. I suspect this would be lovely in a room oil warmer. Repurchase: Yes Estee Lauder Beautiful Belle (DS) Impressions: This goes hard on the white floral with very light rose & musk and virtually no other notes. This is a very heavy fragrance to me, but I think that’s due to the gardenia, which I’m quite sensitive to. A generic, inoffensive fragrance that’s not remarkable in any way. Pretty much the antithesis of what I like my perfumes to smell like. Repurchase: Hard no Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab The Apothecary (imp) Impressions: Scent description from the website: Tea leaf with three mosses, green grass, a medley of herbal notes, and a drop of ginger and fig. I get the fig and some heavier tea notes. I much prefer the scent in the tube; there you can pick up the ginger, grass, and some sort of herbaceous notes. On my skin its still nice, just not my cuppa. Repurchase: It does not spark joy, so no. Dionis Goat Milk Skincare Natural Goat Milk Hand Cream, Water Flowers & Sea Salt Impressions: I have accepted that I am a Stan for these hand creams. I am just obsessed with them. I want everything to smell like this. Repurchase: Yup Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Mist (KB) Impressions: My skin loves this Repurchase: Sadly no. This product is no longer made and I can’t find a reasonable dupe in mist form. I’ve replaced this in my routine with Neogen Real-Ferment Micro Essence.
Stereoplasm Review: Fall, the Procrastinators Guide pt.2
(pt. 1)Collections List: Declassified, Dimension of Imagination (pt. 2)Collections List: Secret of Time and Heaven, Halloween into Darkness (pt. 2) Scent List: Enjoy your Waffles; The Star Leaf; The Great Owl; Almost a Year; ...And Me!; Dark, Dark; Like Us; No Skin On; The Green Ribbon; The Teeth
[PART 1 HERE] These are the rest of the Stereoplasm fall collections that won’t be returning after Black Friday! (Their sale, with returning discontinued 7.5mL available and bonus freebies goes until Noon EST 11/28) ((yes I am a true procrastinator I have missed many a sale this way sorry if this is too late)). The entirety of the “Time and Heaven” collection came free with a purchase. I didn’t buy the Halloween collection on its debut in a valiant act of restraint, but then caved when Yelling_Cats decant circle came around. (Spoiler, I’m glad I did, I think it’s my favorite collection of all fall.) The reviews are a little short because I haven’t sat with them as long as the previous collections I’ve reviewed, and didn’t have time for my usual two rounds of testing. I test with a single swab on my wrist, and rate based on how much joy I get from a scent. I also try not to look at official scent notes, so I can be comedically off at describing things. (My mom enjoyed chiming in as well) Enjoy!
Secret of Time and Heaven Reviews:
Enjoy your Waffles:A welcoming breakfast of homemade waffles with plenty of maple syrup, coffee and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Superseded by manipulative whispers from a garden of white daises, heliotrope and magnolia
Right from the bottle you can smell the sugary maple sugar goodness. Wet on skin, its magical. Theres a bright pop of tangy orange juice, a cocoa / muted coffee note, and a warm buttery maple sugar paired with a sweet baked good. Remember that scene in Willy Wonka where they chew gum that cycles through a whole meal? That’s what smelling this perfume is like, sniffing through someone’s lovely sunday breakfast. As it dries down, I’m left with the buttery waffles and the chocolate. Too sweet for my taste, but damn I’m impressed.
7/10 - the true willy wonka scent breakfast
The Star Leaf:Morning dew, rich soil, nurturing chamomile, mossy stone, fresh herbs and all the star leaves you can eat
Wet, a fresh green, with tones of moss and grass and dew drops. I was surprised at the throw, one swab got me smelling green about a foot away from my arm. On the dry down, I’m getting a little more earth. This reminds me of childhood mornings making potions out of my mom’s herb garden, smashing mint and cilantro into dirt and calling myself a witch. I have such a soft spot for the star leaf, and I’m happy to smell such bright and nostalgic greens in one scent, though not committed to using this as a perfume.
6/10 I can smell the sound of dinosaurs munching
The Great Owl:Ancient amber, frankincense, bezoin and champaka in a hollow draped in thick cobwebs, glowing citronella and vetiver root
Smells like citronella!! The woody, faintly lemon, and green of deep childhood woods. It’s overpowering enough that memories of mosquitos are all I get while wet. Dry, this is a woodier amber, and the scent itself feels dry and ancient. I was most excited to try this one, but am a little disappointed by how dominant the citrus was on initial application.
5/10 - intense summer memories and a woody fade.
Halloween: Into Darkness Reviews:
Almost a Year:Snuffed perique tobacco, dirty wool, cemetery air, death cap, cereus and petrichor.
A bright almost floral that leans into cologne territory. It’s tempered by something sweaty and musk-like to me. This doesn’t stand out to me in any way, but it comes off as a solid unisex fragrance.
In the bottle I’m getting sweet balsamic wood. Initially I find it pretty pleasant. On skin, it feels like a deeper holiday tree, without festivities. A faintly waxy conifer leaning wood and without mint. Spices start pulling through on the dry down to just the right balance of spice and wood. Unfortunately is fairly faint on me.
Mom: Oh I like that, yeah I can smell clove
7/10 - wood thats a bit bitter, a bit spicy, a bit rich
Dark, Dark:Roasted chicory root, protective rock salt, rugosa rose, ancient myrrh and carnation petals.
In the bottle a more resinous wood and some earthy, dry dirt. On my skin hints of wood with resin mixed in. Unexpectedly, doesn’t fade to wood, but a dusky, powdery floral with tones of leather, retaining bits of sweet wood.
Mom: Babypowder. You smell like my grandma
6/10 - wood to a floral surprise on the dry down
Like Us:Mulberry silk, coffin dust, champagne truffles, Florida water and Bordeaux rouge.
This was a surprise right out of the bottle. I get something that almost smells like chocolate but leans nutty with the subtlest twist of mint or something fresh. It’s the faintest bit sweet and mostly smooth and elegant in such a dark way. This builds itself into a whole experience, there isn’t much distinction of notes. On the try down it gets a bitter, with dust and something salty/tangy in the background. It could pass as something more more refined.
Mom: Mmmm, I don’t know what that smells like but its nice
7/10 - silky, elegant florida water
No Skin On:Squishy pumpkin entrails, candy cigarettes, dry forest needles and cobweb glue.
Juicy, sweet and soft! This has a wet quality to it, and I think that keeps it from being fully “food smell” as it settles on skin. It also has an unnerving quality to it, like watching jello wiggle. As it dries it picks up a little bit more wood and mixes with the sweet, gooey element to make it more of a soft night atmosphere. Incredibly hard to fully capture what’s going on here.
6/10 - the halloween of youth and sticky fingers
The Green Ribbon:Crushed velvet, roasted pumpkin seeds, creaking sandalwood floorboards, beheaded flower stems, skin musk, lies and deceit.
Starts with light, bright floral, a warm musk building up from behind. There is a freshness and a hint of earthiness without being explicitly “green” or “dirt”. As it dries, the floral shifts into a softer type sent, that isn’t faint, but feels like an interpretation of a whisper. I love how the subtle florals have been worked into a heavier underneath
Mom: Oh I like that!
8/10 - a brilliantly intricate floral musk
The Teeth:Bosc pear, black fur, pennyroyal tea stains and burnt out match books.
Wet, this is so lovely! Light and fresh right out of the bottle. Reminds me of just getting out of the shower and feeling like a cleaner, lighter human. The fruity fresh tones have all the good vibes of being dewy and sweet smelling. There is a little citrus, floral and soap. Drying down, it fades to a more herbal, smokier base that I still enjoy.
7/10 - Unexpected freshness
TL;DR
As always, I’m impressed at how individual all of these scents were, and incredibly surprised at how much I liked the Halloween release. This review is much later than I anticipated, but I do believe these will be around in swaps for a while.
List to FS: The Green Ribbon
Keeping Sample: Enjoy Your Waffles, …And Me!, Like Us, The Teeth
[PSN] [H] these limiteds (rlcs, rp and events) [W] credits. then im leaving for a while
i cba with all the hate, downvotes, toxicity etc. i even got hate for a price check. so i cba with this community anymore. ima sell what i need to, and buy things that i want on rltp. then ill be gone for a while. thx for the people who show the positive side of this community :)
RLCS:
carbons X4 tactician sienna blast ray damaged border X3 blast ray decopunks X4 sienna fusion fusion X5 dom RLCS dom savage stratum badge X4 drip drop drip drop goalkeeper X2 EQ X3 fallen angel banner LFT X2 mudcat rl esports octane: nooo! pyramidia RL esports banner X2 solar system banner X2 statesman X7
Rocket Pass:
(lots of these i have full sets, i just put full sets on certain ones as i started loosing track of what i was doing, enjoy!) artemis gxt: saffron X2, sienna, cobalt, grey and lime automaton: pink and sky blue, purple, lime, sweeper crimson, sienna, grey X2, lime and orange blade waves: unpainted X2, orange X4, fg X3, cobalt X3, striker lime, lime X3, sweeper black, black, crimson X4, purple X4, sky blue X3, white X2 blade waves inverted: black, cobalt, fg X2, saffron X2 camo: all but purple and black, 2 sky blue camo SE: sienna capacitor 4: striker unpainted, striker white, orange, sienna, fg cephalo: almost full set, extra sienna chikaras: striker sienna, cobalt X2, white X2, pink, purple cloudburst 1-3: X3 cloudburst 3 unpainted certs: acrobat, goalkeeper, guardian, juggler, playmaker, scorer, sniper, turtle cloudburst 3 painted: lime compound c: unpainted, white X4, saffron X3, grey X3, striker grey, crimson X2, scorer + sweeper lime, tactician black, black X4, sienna X3, cobalt X4, fg X5, orange X3, pink, purple X2, sky blue X2 cyberware: all with lots of duplicates and lots of high certs daemon kelpie: white, crimson X2, sienna X2, lime, orange X2, pink, purple X2, saffron dom nightmare fuel: all with tons of dupes, lots of high certs (will keep them in sets as much as i can) DRN: all but grey, 2 spare limes, spare saffron (white is scorer) drone toppers: lime X3, sky blue X4, black X4, white 2, sienna X2, cobalt X3, fg, grey X4, orange X2, pink X2, purple X2, saffron X4, (and scorer pink, cobalt and fg) dune sweepers: lots of all colours, a few high certs dust cloud GE: full set (missing white) fibre optic: crimson, purple floppy fish: FULL SET... dupes= pink X3, black, purple, fg, saffron X2, sienna X2, lime, sky blue force razor: black formation: FULL SET... dupes= black X2, sienna X2, fg X2, lime X2, pink X2, purple X2, saffron X2, white X2, playmaker orange, scorer pink + saffron future shock: lime X3, cobalt, fg, orange, pink, purple X2, galvan: crimson, orange, striker sky blue, cobalt, sky blue, white, grey, lime, saffron galvan SE: crimson, scorer fg generator: spare set. dupes= sienna, sb, white glimmerslag: lots. several full sets, a bunch of good certs gripstride HX: fg, lime, purple, grey, cobalt, saffron, orange (will swap one for sb) guardian gxt: orange, sienna, black, white X2 hack swerve: orange, sienna, cobalt, crimson, fg, lime X2, pink, purple, saffron helicorpion: crimson, grey, purple X2, orange X2, scorer lime, striker orange + white, black, sienna X2, cobalt, fg, pink X2, sky blue X2, white X2 holodata: lots of dupes of all 3 types. including tradable unpainted ones. a few high certs hydropaint: striker lime, fg irradiators: striker sienna + crimson, black, crimson, lime jolt bangle 1-3: X2 jolt bangle 3: unpainted aviator, playmaker, show-off kablooey: black X2, scorer cobalt, striker purple, sienna X2, crimson, lime, saffron, purple X2 Laserwaves 1-3: X2 laserwave 3 unpainted: acrobat, scorer, show-off, sniper, sweeper X2, victor laserwave 3 painted: sienna, grey, fg, playmaker cobalt luster-edge: crimson, striker sienna, cobalt, fg X2, grey, lime, pink, sienna X2, saffron, white X2 madness 2: 2 FULL SETS. dupes= striker grey + sienna + saffron, fg X2, sienna X2, saffron, grey, orange X2, pink, sky blue mage glass 1-3: X2 mage glass 3 unpainted: acrobat, guardian, paragon, playmaker, striker, turtle mage glass 3 painted: pink, tactician cobalt mainliner: all but sky blue and orange. striker fg, 2 sienna, 2 purple, 3 saffron, 2 grey maverick: 1 maverick G1: out of stock maverick gxt: aviator, juggler, scorer, striker meta blast: just ask. i have 42 and 19 are cert. metalworks: striker grey, purple X2, fg X2, black X2, cobalt, crimson X2, lime X2, pink X2, saffron, white metalwork SE: pink morrowhatch: scorer lime, black, pink, saffron, sky blue X2, white X2, sienna X2, cobalt X2, crimson, grey, orange, purple mudcat gxt: sienna, grey and orange muscle boys: lots, a bunch of highe certs overgrowths: i have 51 with a bunch of certs percussion: orange, saffron X2, crimson, sky blue, black, cobalt, fg, orange, pink, purple philoscope: full set. dupes= sb, saffron, white phoenix wings 1-3: X2 phoenix wings 3 unpainted: goalkeeper, turtle, victor phoenix wings 3 painted: sienna plasmatic: scorer purple, cobalt, sienna X2, crimson polaris: fg, purple X2, saffron, black, cobalt, crimson, lime, sky blue, white polaris SE: cobalt, orange, pink q-runner: lots, bunch of certs with higher ones etc quasar GE: cobalt X2, orange X2, pink X2, sienna, saffron X3 rad rock: dupes on every type. lots of certs. includes unpainted ones rocket forge ii: FULL SET. dupes= fg, white, sienna, fg, lime, purple X2, sky blue ronins that poeple would actually care about: striker lime, striker white and unpainted tradable shield glitch: lime, orange, purple,cobalt, saffron X3 shortwires: just ask ffs XD sprocket: FULL SET. dupes= striker fg, white X2, pink X2, lime X2, black, sienna, crimson, orange, sky blue X2 sprocket SE: sienna, fg, cobalt, sienna, black startis that you may care about: striker white streakwave: striker cobalt, tactician pink, sienna, lime super manga bolts: all but white. some high certs. just ask supernova 1-3: X2 supernova 3 unpainted: acrobat, striker X2 supernova 3 painted: striker + scorer purple, orange and saffron tachyon trail iii: quite a bunch. a few high certs but not many. a lot cert though teller: FULL SETS with a bunch of dupes. lots of certs, just ask tri-2050: loads. just ask. high certs= striker black and white, sweeper crimson, playmaker orange troublemaker 1-4: X2 troublemaker 4 unpainted: uncert, playmaker, scorer X2, victor, striker troublemaker 1+2: 2 spare of each ulterior: white X3, sky blue, saffron X2, purple, pink X2, orange X3, lime X2, black, fg, sienna X3, cobalt ved ava: black and lime visionary: FULL SET. dupes= striker fg, sienna X2, sky blue X2, crimson, orange, black, lime, purple, saffron X2, white X2 wall breaker ii: full set. dupes= sienna, orange, fg yankii rl: about 2 full stes and lots of dupes, few certs Z-ro: full sets, lots of dupes, few certs z-ro SE: black X2, cobalt, orange, sky blue X2, grey
I got royalty pretty recently and am still learning the basics, but I read somewhere that a pawn with a noble-type background makes a good leader, if they're good at combat and social and intel. With this in mind I created a seed and rolled up a temperature zone 60 day growth period mountain map with granite marble and sandstone. Found a really nice hole in the wall to post up in BUT it's mostly sandstone. "Oh well," I think to myself, "once I get established and get a pawn or two I can rebuilt." I immediately decides to start small and make a small barracks across from a storage and builder area, and since I'm bored I expand to a kind large plot of fertile soil right outside my door and then wall it in with sandstone, using my future-royalty pawn "Luxembourg" to cut blocks and do tailoring and such until someone else comes along. Everything is fine, kinda quiet, and my only concern is that I have way too much to ask of my cook/grower "Anderson" this early because I have a huuuge plot of corn and rice and hay. Things aren't too bad to begin with, my third pawn "Priscilla" is pretty great with animals and shooting, so she's doing work keeping us in meat and trains up the husky (Cody) to haul pretty quickly. The rice begins to mature and I'm waiting for a raid to try and cap someone, but we're swimming in meat and rice so everyone's got great food, Lux is crafting up summer and winter clothing like mad off the leather in between making piles of sandstone blocks. But no slavers, no raiders, I'm half-tempted to cap some visitors but they all suck, so it's just the three musketeers doing their thing. In the meantime Priss tames 3 muffaloes and 2 donkeys and trains them up in between hunting sprees. Lux gets bored once I don't need clothing and blocks so I put her on a bench and just sort of let it roll, watching for a chance for more pawns while she gets a couple royal quest right off that're super easy (one is a mad hare and then send the pawn into a shuttle in 18 hours, for instance). But nobody ever comes. My rank is jumping off so I buy a bunch of gold off a trader for future taxation. I make prison cell and even a nice little 5x5 throne room out of sandstone. But nobody ever comes. inally I start getting quests, the first I misread and think it's one of those hospitality ones where they work alongside then leave after a couple weeks, but oops, the dude's name is Isaiah and he won't do squat! Welp, whatevers, swimming in food and space and I have a pond nearby with the VE fishing mod (VE fishing allows a useless pawn with animal handler to go fishing which is probably a loophole but is fun) so whatever, I just let him smoke some leaf and fish all day, works out nicely to pad out the meat! But nobody ever comes. No raids. Every trader is garbo and I spent all my silver on gold anyway, oops! Not too worried, bring on the tribals! But nobody ever comes. Lux is so bored and researching so hard that she gets to like 15 in research super quickly, but it's late summer and man it'd be nice to at least have someone to sweep! But nooope! Randy begins throwing quests at me that're just trash. One's a supply cache for a steel spear. One is a drop pod offer with a paralytic dude who can't move for 34 days, which I turn down because it's getting cold and starting to snow - and as soon as I say no I see a transport pod crash! I rush to the faaaar end of the map and guess what? I's a paralyzed dude who can't move for 34 days! Randy you hilarious prankster, oh well this guy will wake up in the early spring, nbd. (ironically, it says he was put into a catatonic state because Andy shot him in the head - maybe before he got put into the cryptocasket?) And nobody ever comes... All my pets are trained and I'm stoked that I have this huge plot of hay, I get a inspiration and make a masterwork sculpture for Lux to stare at all day when she's not researching, but right near the end of summer I get a cold snap which kills off most of my harvest. Oh well - we'll live on meat if we have to and I've already got 1500 meat and 1400 veggies, and I'm hoping my gold stack and fancy little barracks will tempt in some raiders but between the three pawns I just can't get time to burrow into a mountain, so we begin to weather the fall and winter. But nobody ever comes. Getting real tired of this paralyzed guy complaining about his crummy pants (can you force a pawn to dress another pawn? That would be handy lol). But nobody ever comes. Traders come by, can't buy anything. Priss tries to train some other stuff and fails but no biggie. Yet nobody comes. Then winter really sets in, I'm talking 3c top-end temps every day, but I had campfires and heaters in place already so I'm stoked and just look forward to sipping cocoa. Still, nobody ever comes. I begin to think about harvesting organs out of Mister the invalid, because I'm bored and he wont get out of bed for another 25 days anyway. I make a nice guest house out of my prison in the meantime and (hospitality mod) so I rent some beds out to folks, an still guess what? Nobody's comin', ya'll. I begin to curse at Randy, he sends some random manhunter packs at me but the dangerous ones get waylaid by the merchants I can't purchase from, so I continue to wait. Keep failing at training bears. Eventually it gets cold enough all the plant life is kill and it's barely late Septober. My muffaloes and donkeys start to get hungry so I send them outside now and then to eat grass and horde my precious rice. But nobody ever comes. Eventually it gets to mid December and things are getting a bit thin. I dig out a little barn and put all the hay in it for the animals to eat, my tech is doing pretty solid despite the lack of labor overall (thank god for sandstone mining being fast, but not fast enough to dig into the hillside without skipping cooking or tech or hunting) and finally, a raid! Two tribals heck yeah, I wanted to see how they do meditating! Both of them pop go-juice and come at me, bro. Stun psi power and muffalo star squad take them down but no luck, they're pretty much roadkill. And then I wait a few more days, food's good, but animals are starving and they run out of hay, so I move some rice over. I get bored and have a wacky idea to put shelves in the prison cell and in the barracks and only allow medicine in them (never tried this before) but I'm getting bored to tears. We're down to simple meals and Priss is running all over shooting every animal on the map before they can leave. But nobody ever comes! After a bit I try to tame some more bears and right as this goes wrong, I get a pretty decent raid of 4 tribals with good stats, right next to Priss! I sic my animals on the bear and run away, and then post up in my little embrasure line, bring it on punks! Instead, the raiders loop the long way around and go dead sprint into the weapons merchant standing outside my gates (one of the guards is a relative to my pawns, the guards name is Ophelia, which is another thing to mention.) tribals go bash! merchant and co go pew pew! I sit behind it all, shocked and confused. guards start popping off grenade launcher rounds into the scrum! Oh well, forget it, but hey, free grenade launcher! I am giving up but in the center of the bodies I see my worst fear - one of the guards which died, was named O- (oh shit oh shit damnit) Olivia. Whew, bullet dodged! I begin to drag the bodies to Isaiah's fishing pond (yeah, he's still sitting there fishing, lazy SOB!) and hear weak call for help - there's the little blue medical animation, I dig through the bodies to find a raider ex-soldier and research scientist named "Fjelsmell" (yes, fell smell), but he's only got 2 hours to make it! I'm pretty upset but try and rescue him anyway - and Lux manages to get him there and - ONLY because I'd randomly posted the shelf of herbal meds, she's easily able to save his life. I check his stats and he's a great shooter and 19 skill in research - and useless i everything else. "oh well, two research tables and a sweeper!" but it'll take until spring to convert him. I begin to run out of food, I'm repeatedly getting heavy heavy blizzards but finally, deep in the middle of the night I get attacked by 5 raiders. Oops, Lux finishes off the incap one with a stray frag. Sigh. Another couple days go by, and food is weirdly low and some of my package meals are missing (i keep them forbidden until needed) - I realize I'd accidentally set all my pets to freely go anyway in home area because my husky got hungry. Crap, gotta hunt more meat. Then I get raided again, by a ton of man eating wolves! I run inside the base and lol as another merchant (a slaver! woooot!) takes them out, and loses like 4 of his guys in the process (rip Lu, we hardly knew you) and still, no quests, no raiders capped Except 'Smelly', so we mostly just hang around smoking joints and checking out Lux's dope sculpture in the prison cell. Finally I get a nice juicy raid who wants to take their time, so I send everybody out (even Isaiah, who's okay at melee) and manage to capture one of them after a pretty heavy scrap. Again, the med-shelves save lives and I cap the prisoner and rescue Andy, the cook, from a super bad bleed-out. We're got enough meat for a bit but no meals cooked, and while Andy's down, 2 of my pawns get MALARIA! IN 2C TEMPERATURES! WTF!? Isaiah immediately pukes everywhere and begins stealing the few leftover meals from the prisoners. Then Isaiah gets food poisoning because he's out ice fishing and then eating it raw on the way back to base. /facepalm The next day, ISaiah finally frickin' leaves and - and all 3 of my O.G.'s get gut parasites. There goes the food. And the clean cooking area. And the clean barracks. And the clean production room, all covered in puke and blood and lord knows what else, since everybody's watching around wounded. Some empire dudes come by to visit and one of them goes berserk, luckily we don't kill him but he messes up Lux, my only Warden, so my prisoners begin to starve and freeze because I can't get to them with food fast. By now I've got great mediciine and such so e recover and salvage things, and only a couple days left in winter, the snow is beginning to melt.. The empire leaves and rates my airbnb 1 star, and I am just glad they're gone. I can't get anything done because Andy and Priss keep lovin' insted d refueling generators though.. And my only potential recruit within the next 20 days, Smelly, is actually getting more angry because he's eating raw meat half the time now.. IS it possible for the number to go up? I swear he was at 6 and now is 9.7.. Oh well. He begins to beat on the other (incapped) prisoner, Black, but at least we got something to watch for fun! PRiss smokes a ton of weed and bounces back from her illnesses immediately and then brings down a couple sloths and bear, so I'm up to 1k meat again, but the place is a sty. Thank god I'd stocked up on ridic amounts of wood, too. Mister's still got 24 days of paralyzation, still complaining about his pants.I give up caring if the muffaloes eat simple meals, they're half made of muffalo meat anyway! LOL Randy finally gives me a quest for new recruits (4 drifters) and I've seen this before so no go, everyone's too sick if they all turn traitor (the only safe way I've found is to immediately arrest them all and turn them for real), so no recruits yet. December 14th, we may make it! Nobody is allowed outside the walls of the base anymore, Mister is still complaining, we all have cabin fever, and Smelly begins to look like a walking beefsteak sandwich. But then he gets an infection from his fistfight, so no Smelly sandwich today. Randy drops some space junk on one of the buildings but no big, roof it back over and move on.. At this point theres no way I'm giving up on these muffaloes so i begin to feed them survival meals for new year's - I have 1300 meat who cares. We smoke more leaf. Happy New Year! The trees begin to sprout leaves! Andy and Priss, of course get to lovin' asap. Lux stares at her statue and meditates. The donkeys and husky have been bringin in scattered wood I left laying around all winter, which keeps me going the entire winter even with just 2 wood generators. Andy has begun to sow rice. Mister the invalid is still complaining so we strip him naked and rename him "Timmay!" because he's gonna keep complaining for another 4 weeks. The empire jerk finally gets out of bed and leaves. Smelly and Black are both fully recovered now, and randy dropped a huuuge uranium meteorite near my base - maybe in apology. Lux is having a field day at the machining table now, and the animals came back to the map. Somewhere along the way, someone used up my only 3 glitterworld medicines which I'd purposefully set to not be used - probably Sappy the empire jerk while we tended to him.. c'est la vie, at least I got improved relations with them. id you know boomrats are omnivores and can eat corpses like boars? Mental note for future rat pen... Randy immediately hits the base with a first day of spring, killing all the rice, but at this minute I don't care. My pawns literally respond by throwing a party and smoking the last of the joints and drinking all the remaining tea as well. Then we recruit Smelly finally the next day and give him the bed that's been waiting for him for the last 30 days, and permanent cleaning and research duty. (dang I wish i had a leader with the social ability, but the stun thing really saved a ton of grief in combat wow.) We did lose the baby donkey, "white" but a boomrat ate the corpse so enjoy that big pasture in the sky little buddy. Thus successfully ends the weirdest first-year run I've had in a very long time, The Three Musketeers plus Smelly and Timmay (Timmay woke up, he's complete trash so I just let him go fishing for now - I even made a little stool for him to sit on and drink beer, the donkeys all haul better and Smelly deserves scut work after biting off Timmay's finger). Oh look! a raid of 5 tribals, finally. No Lux don't shoot the grenade launcher into the muffalo brigade! You shot the ear off a donkey! \closes out by playing Journey's "When the Lights Go Out in the City"... Fade to black*
I've been super lazy on posting my reviews, but NCD has a few of my favorites returning soon so why not do a massive review post. These are 50/50 received in swap and straight from NCD. A bit about me: leather and wood get amped like crazy on my skin and I generally avoid all of them. I'm a sucker for anything pumpkin, fruity, and floral. NCD is definitely one of my favorite houses overall. Sorry for any formatting issues coming from mobile. Snow cat.lightly toasted marzipan, ivory amber, chilled coconut milk, and the soft fur of a purring kitten. Wear this comforting blend for instant soothing and solace. - this is a straight my skin, but better. It doesn't have much sweetness like other skin scents, but it's very clean and very unisex. Low throw and lasts all day. 8/10 Clarity.fresh cut rosemary leaves mingle with bright orange zest, smoothed by a touch of sweet amber. - Rosemary maybe took it a bit masculine. It starts very fresh and citrus, but morphs after. Not bad, but not my favorite. 6/10 King cake.Tahitian vanilla, east Indian spices, and carmalized Caribbean rum. - Very foody, but still good. Didn't last as long as I would have expected. 8/10 Liquid luck. *a gorgeously green bouquet of night air and dewy grass, charmed galbanum and benzoin, Irish moss, carrot seed, livingii shamrock, and freshly turned earth. - I like it, but it's a bit masculine. It's probably the greenest masculine scent I've ever stumbled across. Moderate to high throw and lasts most of the day. 7/10 The bees knees.leaves of lemon balm, and crushed coriander seeds, accompany lavender scones with spring harvest honey, and a scant drop of green cognac. - it's starting out pretty syrupy sweet. I think the honey and cognac are at the front for sure. It gets a bit lighter after an hour or two, but it stays sweet. It has pretty high throw at first, but it fades down quickly. 7/10 after a few months of rest, this became sweet, green, honey. So amazing. Lasts a few hours. 10/10 Pixie.an apple orchard in bloom, spring grasses alive with some unearthly glow, vanilla bean offertory cakes and sparkling honey mead. - this is so nice!! It's sweet and a bit fresh despite some of the notes. I think the apple keeps it out of the too sweet area and brightens the overall notes. Might have to full size of this ever appears again (oh wait, that's now. RIP wallet). 10/10 Aziza.rich mahogany and ebony wood, coconut husks, Shea butter, and tart tamarind. - this smells a little too much like a bath and body works candle for me. It's almost syrupy sweet and moves over into off-putting. Strong throw and lasting power though. 5/10 Baby pumpkin.homemade maple pumpkin bread with harvest honey, spiced with nutmeg and clove, drizzled with salted caramel, and dotted with Turkish apricot. - maple pumpkin of my dreams! My inner basic bitch wants to eat my own arm. High throw and lasts all day. 10/10 Wicked pumpkin.sandalwood musk and dark patchouli with maple sugar, peach skin, cardamom, and freshly baked pumpkin pie. - wicked pumpkin indeed. I usually avoid patchouli, but my basic-ness overrules all logic sometimes. Would wear to haunted houses and Halloween parties. 8/10 CharlestonCrisp champagne, sugared bourbon, ginger root and birch bark, blonde tobacco, lemon creme and dry hinoki wood with the delicate flirtation of neroli. - This is interesting! It's half fresh, half rich. I got it in a swap with maybe a half a dab left in the sniffie, so I can't tell how the throw or longevity is. 7/10 Crown of Hecate.moonflower and myrrh over almond milk tea, shining white Amber, and a pillow of sheer vanilla. - Oooooh that moonflower! I really like the warm floral mix this has going. 8/10 Feu folletSultry southern magnolia, wild muscadine, honeysuckle, and Spanish moss clinging to the trees. - Yaaaaaaas! Southern floral of my dreams! I am in love! The magnolia is definitely the strongest and feu follet is better for it. This is my favorite magnolia out of all the ones I've been able to get my hands on. 10/10 Ginger catCrystallized ginger and raisins baked into warm pumpkin bread with caramel drizzle, candied orange peel, homemade apricot jam and the subtlest sprinkle of cardamom. - Not bad. Very gingery. I was hoping for more pumpkin because I'm a basic. I'll finish the sample though. 7/10 HealthIced lavender lemonade garnished with orange blossom and stirred with a sprig of rosemary. - Strong and almost medicinal. The lemonade is almost more straight lemon juice. Add that to me finally admitting defeat on all rosemary notes. 6/10 White tailed deerSoft brown suede, golden musk, wild forest berries, and roasted chestnuts dusted with maple sugar. - Suede comes through the most and keeps it oddly dry. There's some sweet base and Chestnut scents, but not as much. 7/10 Appalachian autumn.deer musk accord, campfire smoke, birch trees, angelica, ripe pears, and rain. - Wet smoke? Not sure how to describe it. It's solidly atmospheric and not very sweet. I don't get any pears. It's nice though. 7/10 Eleanor Roosevelt.deep rich mahogany with luxe amber, black Tonka bean, delicate white sandalwood, sweet nutmeg, saffron threads, and a spritz of bright tangerine. - so much of this is so good, but it reminds me of Indian food. Sorry Eleanor. 3/10. She stopped to pet a bumblebee.Cocoa butter and Shea, cotton flower, silk tree, apple blossom, wildflower honey, bee balm, and heliotrope. Wear this scent to conjure an atmosphere of loving kindness and receptivity. - Very clean floral. I don't actually get any of the honey in this. I can tell there's a cocoa butter and shea base wayyyy back there, but it's all cotton flower and florals. 7/10 Little brown rabbit.An auspicious blend for abundance and great good fortune. Nutmeg and tonka bean nuzzle up against fluffy marshmallow, cottonflower, pink pepper, and a trace of carrot seed. - I did a full size blind buy on this one. I love all of those notes and the second I saw a review saying carrot cake there was no more resistance. Soooo glad I did! It's a bit too rich for summer, but I'll use it obsessively once it gets cold again. Great throw and longevity. 10/10 Hoodwink.Soothing scent for rest and replenishment. A tall glass of Thai iced tea sweetened with tupelo honey and swirled with vanilla rice milk. Wear for relaxation and to get a good night's sleep. - All I get is maple syrup. I put this on and my husband asked where the pancakes were. Even with a few weeks of rest- maple syrup. It's a very strong throw on that maple syrup though! 4/10. Hummingbird.A surprisingly bold blend for courage and confidence. Darting from oleander to orange blossom with ripe nectarine, hibiscus tea, and traces of tuberose - I am a sucker for fruity florals and this 100% delivers. It's mostly oranges but the florals are all mixed in too. I may have been hoping for slightly more hibiscus tea (I've been making slushies with limoncello and raspberry rose hibiscus tea) but it's a good mix. Sadly it doesn't last at all on me. 8/10 Flying squirrel.A playful blend to amplify your natural talents and keep you adaptable. Raw almond, spiced apricot, and rich benzoin borne aloft by lavender, cotton flower, and tart kumquat. Wear when you need to be quick witted, fast on your feet, and resourceful. - I don't think I'm a big fan of the benzoin in this (I'm blaming skin chemistry). Im getting some fruity notes, but overall I don't think it's for me. I was hoping for more fruit, cottonflower, and lavender. I'll enjoy the sample though. 6/10 Eastern ChipmunksPecans and pistachios with Moroccan spiced coffee, black fig preserves, and roasted marshmallow. Wear when you need to gather resources and optimize your abundance . - Love this one! It's toeing the line of gourmand, but also not. It's very warm and rich. I get mostly nutty coffee, but I know the fig preserves and marshmallow are in the background somewhere. 9/10 Spring peeper.Warm ginger with saffron, cardamom, coriander, and nutmeg sprinkled over unripe fig and yellow Mandarin with a base of mossy mahogany. Wear to stay balanced, focused, and adaptable. - This one was a free sample tossed in with a NCD order. I definitely would NOT have picked this for myself. I usually avoid most wood notes and a lot of the notes made me think I would smell like curry (don't get me wrong, I eat enough curry to smell like it anyways, might be time to lean into that curve). Everything I thought about those notes is apparently a lie. This is a BEAUTIFUL mix. I completely stand corrected on everything I thought I believed. This opens with a bright tart mix of ginger and Mandarin. It then slowly morphs into a rich spicy ... I don't even know what but it's amazing. It smells super similar to something I've smelled before but I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't think I will end up getting a full size, but that's more of a budget thing than anything. 9/10
Huhuhuhahahaha... Hello, boys and girls. Did I scare you? Did I scare you just a little bit? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Tonight, you have a special treat. Jerma is not here! Jerma is not here at all! You get me tonight. That is B.F. Bugleberry. A compiler! A curator of some of the most terrifying scary stories this side of the east end. So... Without further ado... I will start with some of the most terrifying pieces of media... You have EVER seen! So strap on. Get yourselves comfy, get prepared, because my stories have NO EQUAL! And if you wanna, you know, if you wanna donate to the stream, you know, it's possible. There's a little button down there. This first tale is called... She Nearly Died in the Elevator. I heard this story when I was in Korea. Going back and forth between the different tribes. Taking in the culture, and hearing all the terrible things that people- all the awful stories from empires past. One day a girl was walking home at late night, after work or something. It was dark, around midnight. She lived an apartment where they had elevator. She got in the elevator and when the door was about to close, a strange man with a very red hoodie entered the elevator. He apologized for scaring her and asked which floor she was heading to. Without making eye contact at all--HE DIDN'T DO THIS! She told him out of fear and the man casually pressed the button and the one below. As they were on the way, he asked her for her cell phone, if he could use it. But she declined out of suspicious, and isolated herself in the corner. After seconds of silence, Elevator arrived to the floor below the one the girl was headed to and door open. The guy slowly walked out of the door and turned around facing toward the elevator, AND GIRL, and just stared at her without any movement. Slowly, the door started to close and from the dark she could see him turning around heading upstairs. Pulling out a knife out of his pocket. That's the whole story. Apparently. But the treachery involved and the sheer madness that went in the telling of that story! Moving on. This one is called-- Yeah. Bud, I have you on silent for a reason. I'm doing a thing right now. Yeah, that Jerma985's house, you want his address? I'll give it to you. 185122... Talia Boulevard, Sunshine, State Avenue. And that is in West Central Southern South Pennsylvania East. Yeah. Yeah, there's not- yeah. Number 1-855-659-5221. You can't miss it. It's on the right. Anyway. Back to what I was saying. This next story is called "Something Was Wearing Her Skin". Daddy? I had a bad dream! You blink your eyes and pull up on your elbows. Your clock glows red in the darkness. It's 3:23 AM. Do you want to climb into bed and tell me about it? No, daddy! The oddness of the situation wakes you up more fully. You can barely make out your daughter's pale form in the darkness of your room. But why not, sweetie? Because in my dream, when I told you about the dream the thing wearing mommy's skin sat up! For a moment, you feel paralyzed. You can't take your eyes off of your daughter, the covers behind you begin to shift! Hyeh! Did I scare you? But here comes the next one. This one has been around for over four centuries. This one is on every top ten list of most terrifying experiences you would ever witness. Here it come. Want to make sure you're all in the mood. What a devillish play this one is. Hello Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to episode one of Jermacraft! The series where I play Minecraft. This is going to be a single-player let's play. And when I say "let's play," I use that term pretty loosely. Because I'm an idiot in this game. You're gonna see lots of fails, lots of triumphs, at least I'm hoping. Now grab yourself a nice hot cup of coffee, hot cup of cocoa. I've got apple cider right here freshly brewed. Get a sip of that. Ah, that's good cider. All right, so let's get this started. Create new world, world name is going to be JermaCraft, sounds about right. Okay! Game mode is gonna be survival. That's the most interesting, I think! More world options, seed for world generator. Okay, this is important. I'm gonna name this something crazy to get cool structures and stuff. Gonna name it, um, how 'bout... "DiamondsAreForeverLOLcheeseBURGAH". Alright, that's our world generator seed. "DiamondsAreForeverLOLcheeseBURGAH". Done! Alright let's see what happens. Create new world. Let's see what happens guys. Building terrain, on my god. This is so terrifying. This is the episode one. I wonder where we're gonna end up, where are we gonna end up? Okay, what? What? Hello? I spawned on top of a mountaintop. This is a good seed. It's a good seed. Okay, hold up, sound has to be lower, definitely. Okay, lower that. Lower that. Maybe a little lower. That sounds about right. All right, so apparently... What's that? We're gonna go explore right now! All right, we're gonna go try that again! This time I'm not gonna miss, I'm gonna get down. That's my home, right there, I wanna live right there. I don't have to explore. See if I can't do this. Hold on, I've got an idea. I've got a plan. JermaCraft Episode 1, this is how we do it, you guys ready? I don't know if you guys... Are really ready for this. Here we go. I'm going for a skydive. 'Member, if you hold shift you don't fall off. That's something I didn't know when I used to livestream this game. Are you guys ready? Ready to go see our new home? I'm ready. What the hell is that? What the hell is that? Oh, it's an octopus! Okay. Look at this quaint little place I found. I love it already. Already. I'm so stupid. This is why- this is why I'm an idiot, guys. You see, I need to get wood and I just jumped off the- okay, remember this. Where were we pointing, east? Gotta get some trees. This is the most important part about Minecraft. You gotta get trees. That's the first thing you gotta get. Lemme take a sip of my apple cider. That's good stuff. Hopefully you guys picked up a cup of cocoa like I told you, because that's the most relaxing thing... In the whole world. Sitting down playing video games... doesn't get much better than that. End scene! *Sound of woman screaming* I have something in my eyes! I have something in my nose! Eugh. That was a loud scream and I didn't- I wasn't aware it was that loud. So... as we reach the next portion of the stream... Let's take a moment just to take in Halloween. It's coming up real soon. You'll see me again. I guarantee it. I'll be dissecting! I'll be pulling bones out of somebody's body! I'll be eating that person! We are now going to read... An except... From Goosebumps™. Phantom of the Auditorium. Muhuhuhaha! “The story starts seventy-two years ago,” Mrs. Walker began, “the year Woods Mill Middle School was first built. I guess Tina’s great-grandfather was a student here that year.” “Yes, he was,” Tina called out. “He was in the first class that went to this school. He told me there were only twenty-five kids in the whole school.” Ms. Walker crossed her skinny arms over the front of her yellow sweater and- Whoopsie! And continued her story. “It was a very scary play about a girl who is kidnapped by a mysterious phantom. The boy showed it to his teacher. The teacher decided it would be fun to perform the play. It would be a grand production with the best scary special effects they could create." Yeah. I mean, I guess that's kinda cool. I mean, I guess that's kinda cool, y'know? That's not part of the story, that's me ad-libbing. Zeke and I exchanged excited glances. The play had special effects!? We loved special effects! "Rehearsals for the Phantom began," Ms. Walker continued. "The boy who had discovered the play at the library won the lead role of the Phantom." Everybody turned to look at Zeke. He smiled proudly, like this! Like THIS! As if he had something to do with it. "They practiced after school every day," Ms. Walker continued. "Everyone was having a really good time. Everyone was working really hard to make it a good play. It was all going so smoothly... Until... until..." "Tell us!" I called out loudly. “Tell us! I-I-I-I want to know the story!” A few kids started chanting again. "Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" "Just fuckin' tell us already." "Okay, I'll tell you!" “I want you all to remember this is just a story,” Ms. Walker said again. “There’s no proof that it ever happened,” and we all nodded. That's your cue to nod. "You're a fucking hack!" Thank you! Ms. Walker cleared her throat... *Clears throat* Then continued. “On the night of the play, the kids were all in costume. Parents and friends filled the auditorium. THIS auditorium. The kids were really excited and nervous. They didn't know what to do! It's a play for crying out loud, it is just a play! “Their teacher called them together to give them a pep talk. The play was about to start. But to everyone’s surprise, the boy playing the Phantom was nowhere to be found.” *Gasps* *Gasps* Ms. Walker began pacing back and forth on the stage as she continued the story. “They called to him. They looked for him backstage. But they couldn’t find the Phantom, the star of the show. “They spread out. They searched everywhere. But they couldn’t find him! The boy had... Vanished. “They searched for an hour,” Ms. Walker continued. “Everyone was so upset, so frightened. Especially the boy’s parents. “Finally, the teacher stepped out onstage to announce that the play could not go on. But before she could speak, a horrible scream rang out over the auditorium... *Music* *Wilhelm Scream* *B.F. Bugleberry laughs* And it was frightening. *Jerma(?) laughs* *B.F. Bugleberry laughs maniacally* *B.F. Bugleberry coughs.* *Inaudible*, y'know what I mean? The scream was so violent and loud... Finally, a... There's a loud noise... And inside of that noise: a box. And inside of that box... There's this large trophy that the children all examined and weren't sure of what it was, where it came from. What time period did this come from? *Strange noises* Okay. Ms. Walker stopped pacing. “It was a frightening scream. People said it was like an animal howl. “The teacher ran toward the sound. She called to the boy. "BOY?" "BOY? Where's the boy? Boy? Boy?" And he didn't respond! A heavy silence. No more screams. “Once again, the entire school was searched. But the boy was never found.” Ms. Walker swallowed really hard. *Swallowing noise* We were all silent. No one even breathed! “And he was never seen again. He was never seen again. I guess you could say that the Phantom... Became the REAL Phantom. He just disappeared. And the play was never performed.” She stopped pacing and stared at us. Her eyes moved from seat to seat. She was scanning us. She was scanning us! “Weird,” Someone behind me... murmured. “Do you think it’s true?” I heard a boy whisper. And then, beside me, Corey Sklar, that little shit, let out a gasp. “*gasp* Oh, no!” he cried, pointing to the side door. "There he is! That's the Phantom!" I turned, I did! Along with everyone else, and saw the hideous face of the Phantom, grinning at us from the doorway. And then I grabbed him by the neck! Like that! Like that! And I lifted him up and did a slam suplex! Right on the ground. And I severed his spine! And that's how you can tell, that it was a fuckin' happy ending! That was a small excerpt from my favorite Goosebumps™ play, Phantom of the Auditorium. *Wolf Howl* That was scary one indeed. *Wolf Howl* Wasn't it, boys and girls? *Pathetic Wolf Noise* *Wolf Howl* *Wolf Howl* Moving on. One of our final stories tonight. That's not a coffee. That's NOT a coffee. Get outta here! Get outta here! One of our final stories is a tale that I've heard plenty of you tell. I've seen you tell it dozens and dozens of time. Of course we want to do it here tonight. The story is called "I Met Jerma." I saw Jerma in line at the donut shop, buying donuts. I asked him to sign my donut. I said "I don't want to bug you and be one of those guys, you know, asking for pictures and whatnot." And he was all like, "Oh, like you're doing now?" I was taken aback and all I could say was "huh"? But he kept cutting me off. "Huh? Huh? Huh!? Huh!?" And closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued to follow the line at Krispy Kreme. I heard him chuckle *chuckles* as I walked off. When I came to pay for my donuts up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with his boxes of donuts. And like 15 chocolate milks in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and he was like "Sir. You need to pay for those first." At first, he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the chocolate milk bottles and started scanning it multiple times he stopped her, and told her to scan them each individually. To prevent any "electrical interference." And then he turned and winked at me. I don't even think that's a word. But after she scanned each one and put them in a bag and started to stay the price, he kept interrupting her, yawning very loudly. That's the end of the story. Our final tale of deceit, destruction, and hatred, and scariness, and all the terrible things that you have nightmares about- DO NOT SLEEP WITH THE LIGHTS OFF TONIGHT. HAVE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE THINGS THAT BEEPS DURING THE NIGHT. That scares off the rats and the mice and the spiders and also worked on ghosts too, if you didn't know. This final tale. Is titled "How to Make a Pulled Pork in a Slow Cooker." Pulled pork is best made from the shoulder of the pig. It's a muscular area. But when cooked low and slow, all the sinew and tendons melt and the meat falls apart juicy in shards! You can use any part of the shoulder. I'd like to try and get a cut with bones in it. For added flavor and nutrition, but it's not essential. Shoulder roasts are often labeled "pork butt" or "Boston butt." But they're not actually from the pig's rear end. A boinier- a bonier cut of the lower shoulder is the "picnic ham." That's what you want. It works great for pulled pork. How much pork you start with depends on how many people you plan on feeding, but also on the size of your slow cooker. If you're using a bone-in piece of pork you should plan for about 3-4 pounds per person, at your eat... cannibal... Halloween party. Or about 1/2 pound per person for a boneless piece, y'know. Can't be bigger than your slow-cooker. Don't fuck that up. Season your pork, add onion, and about 1/4 cup liquid per pound of pork into the slow cooker. And then just leave it alone! Don't touch it. Get out of there. Stop trying to mess with it, it's nature. It'll do its thing. Stop opening the top and looking in. "Well, darn, I'm kinda hungry." Close the fucking lid, don't look in there! You're gonna ruin the process! It takes like seven hours! Just don't touch it, man! Go on a fuckin' hike! Once everything is in the slow-cooker... Turn it to low, and cook it until the pork shreds. Easily, when you stick a fork in it. Chop it! You don't want it to be soft and mushy, you want it to be tender, to be able to tear through it with your fuckin' teeth like this! Separate the pork from the liquid after seven hours. And then turn the cooking liquid into a sauce. Preferably a sweet sauce. One that adds plenty of flavor. *Coughing and Laughing* It's stuck. Make sure to add b- That is the secret of the decayed, destructive, pulled pork sandwich! *Wolf Howl* That, ladies and gentlemen... Is my time. Jerma985 specifically told me he'd be back from the gym in about 30 to 40 minutes. Let's see if he's here now. He gave me total access... TOTAL ACCESS to his computah. Remember... Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. They will. Hey Jerma! Jerma! Yeah, I'm done- I'm done down here. Yup. I-I'm pretty much done. Y-yeah, you can take it. Thanks. Hey, y'know, listen man. I... I-I do this thing- yeah, I do it at churches. I do it for kid's birthday parties, anniversaries... If you- if you need me again, just, y'know. You know my number.
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