Gta Unreleased Cars - The complete grand theft auto v ...

All of that work. All of that anger.
For $300K.
The Diamond Casino Heist is, in my mind, without a doubt, the worst heist in the game. By MILES. Hours of heist setups and work spent alone, because none of my friends actually play this fucking game, and the best the game can give is $300K. In my naïveté, I thought R* had given us content that would actually be fun. Upon realizing the game was tasking me with choosing the approach, choosing the crew, and choosing the supplies, I had thought they had given us a heist similar to that of the story mode - no random players to worry about. Just you, and a shit ton of bullet-sponge enemies to deal with.
Well, I was half right.
After selling my Oppressor MKII to buy some worthless shitstain of an arcade (because R* has to find a way to make you lose money in the long run, and their favourite option is to make you think you have to “spend money to make money” by buying some useless property - but instead, you’re just losing money), I was already $2 million in the hole. I was desperate for cash, and the casino heist seemed like it would be worth it. Boy, was I fucking wrong.
For my weapons, I chose the SMG loadout. For the getaway cars, I (foolishly) chose the Drift Yosemite, because I was excited to drive an unreleased vehicle. That bullshit comes back to haunt me, just wait.
I chose the Sneaky approach, so I had to drag my own ass through the manure that is the nano drone and laser drill setup missions.
Both of these setups showed me just how bad the AI is in GTA. I already knew it was bad, but this was just unbelievable. Infinite cops spawning not even a block ahead of me, and don’t get me started on the fucking helicopters. It’s not hard to tell that the cops know where you are at all times, even when you’re in the cooldown period - by simply watching the minimap, they always seem to know exactly which side street you chose to escape, and once they find you, holy aimbot, Batman.
After at least 7 attempts, I managed to finish all of the setups, and I was already red in the face. But I knew that it would be worth it.
Ha. Nope. Why would R* ever think the player wants freedom, and to be left alone to deal with missions themselves? That would be anarchy. Of course the player wants to work with some random dude that probably doesn’t even own an arcade themselves, and is just tagging along.
$2.1 million is the best possible take, even with the high-end buyers. I did the heist with one other person (which I know was stupid, but I didn’t know it would be as much of a mistake as it ended up being) in the hopes that I could get away with more money, but that didn’t make even the slightest difference.
After entering the casino, you have to fight a ridiculous number of enemies, and like I said, I was half right when I made my predictions - as in the enemies are genuine bullet-sponges. My partner didn’t know what “Sneaky” actually meant, so they just ran in and started blasting. Rendering my approach absolutely pointless. Unless you get a perfect headshot, it takes between 4-10 bullets to kill each guard, which doesn’t sound terrible, but it gets to that point when you’re stuck in a small space with a mind-boggling number of doors and hiding spots that give the enemy a massive advantage if they pull the trigger first.
After battling down to the basement for probably the third time, here comes quite possibly the stupidest part of the heist. The mantrap.
Being a player that prefers independence, I don’t use my headset when playing, and having to rely on another sentient being to mirror my movements without any sort of communication is the stuff of nightmares. This part isn’t necessarily time-consuming, or difficult. It just doesn’t make any fucking SENSE. Why would they make this a crucial part of the heist, when 90% of players don’t even fucking TALK?
After many deaths and a boat-load of enemies to take care of in between attempts at swiping a fucking keycard, we made it inside, and...
...it’s underwhelming.
In most, if not all past heists, the game would just go through a few animations and you would hit the max take. But in this one, they require you to spam the ‘A’ button (or the equivalent button on other platforms) to clear off carts full of cash. Which doesn’t sound too bad - except each cart takes about 30 seconds to clear, and you get maybe 2 minutes to get in and get out before the nerve gas seeps in and kills you. It didn’t help that my teammate might’ve cleared off one cart before choosing to either go AFK, or just stand still, as I cleared two and waited for him to meet me at the mantrap to leave. The gas suddenly enters, and I turn my attention to the map.
5 seconds pass...
...he’s still in there.
15...
...still there.
25... he finally pops out, and we escaped with a measly $800K. Unsurprisingly, he crushes about four boxes of snacks while I’m staring at him, waiting to (yet again) swipe a pair of keycards in unison.
We trudge back to the mantrap entrance, and we have to (AGAIN) battle some brainless, yet John Wick-like enemies to escape.
We exit the casino, and...
...all hell breaks loose.
FIVE ARMOURED TRUCKS blocking the parking lot alone, and about four more littered around the streets. More aimbot gods to deal with, and a few aggravating deaths to come to terms with.
We reach the getaway cars, or in other words, the other worst part of the heist.
As there are about 20 different possible getaway cars to choose from (four per possible crew member), few people will encounter this issue.
Keep in mind, I chose the Drift Yosemite. On the plus side, it certainly drifts, unlike the disappointment that is the Drift Tampa. On the other hand, though, I’d stick metal pins under each of my toenails and kick cinder blocks before I drove those absolute piles in a heist again. My partner chose to ride shotgun with me instead of taking the extra truck, so having ALL of the gunfire trained on a single vehicle made things... less than simple.
We made it to the Vinewood Hills before a pair of NOOSE Grangers pinned us against a wall while we were on our side. The bed of the truck was stuck in between the push bar on the SUV and the cement wall, similar to that of a fat kid stuck halfway through an elevator. With nowhere to go, the cops killed my teammate, and I just waited for the final pistol round to penetrate my stupid fucking emoji mask.
We finally escaped the city on our third or fourth round, but with two blown tires, each on the right side of the vehicle, the already drift-prone Drift Yosemite just refused to go in a straight line. The high-end buyers were located underneath the massive bridge that led towards Paleto, and I had reached Fort Zancudo before I realized that the truck wouldn’t escape the cops on-road with two tires left, so we dived into the mountains as soon as we entered the police cooldown. After narrowly dodging a few cops, we FINALLY escaped, stole a street vehicle, and finished the mission.
The final take? Just under $700K. And that was before Lester takes his cut, and your partners take theirs. My cut was 70%, and what did I get?
$318,000.
So if you include the price of the arcade that grants you access to this shitshow (I bought the one closest to the casino)...
...I made out with a loss of $1,557,000, plus some change.
Fuck this update. Fuck R. And fuck me, for thinking I would actually have fun. It must be some sort of twisted type of Stockholm syndrome at this point - to continue to believe that R will do something that actually benefits the player, and to act surprised when they don’t. But to think that someday, it’ll change.
It won’t.
I don’t care if people call me retarded for making stupid choices or for being naive, and I don’t care if I get downvoted. I just. Don’t. Care.
I’m done with GTA, for now. I’ll check to see what the podium car is, and what vehicles are added in the dripfeed. But there’s no way in hell I’m touching this heist with a 10 FT pole, from now on.